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2003-09-24 - 9:03 p.m. out of the blue The universe answers: "At your service" ok, so as if I was not distracted enough by the vast array of imaginary weapons of mass destruction aimed at my head and lost enough in my own rendition of send in the clowns or some such similar song from Cats (the musical, not the critters under foot who shall not be mentioned in and therein become the focal point of every entry no matter what I actually might have had in mind when i set out to sit down and put words in this box, I promise), an email appears from out of the blue... meanwhile, I munch on dinner, which tonight consists of corn and asparagus (it's half gone, so if you want some you better get your spoon in the bowl quick)... but only to distract myself from the subject at hand which deserves a whole lot more suspense and mystery than I can give it in the limited time and few words my tortured brain can muster (while trying not to think about how the last piece of asparagus stuck to the roof of my mouth precisely seventeen microseconds longer than was safe and therein burned an imprint where it will haunt me later if I want to eat something with any amount of spice on it... you can always count on asparagus to carry out it's intended mission, even if it's mostly elusive and the orders came through the subconscious)... obviously, a whole lot of background is required... and asparagus... and there is so much background elsewhere in ancient scrolls and online journals that the temptation to save time and energy and unnecessary spillage of blood by linking you to there, but exactly where the right there is would have to be determined by careful re-reading and as you probably have guessed, there's no time for that, so what to say... asparagus... I fell in love, got dumped, hard, like empty pockets homeless on the street hard, and seven-sided fish hooks impaled in my heart and an unbreakable line that would not let go hard... drained of everything, and I do mean everything, I still am quite poor and deeply mistrusting and ambivalently apathetic about going for the whole life, love, and pursuit of happiness gig... and to think, it once was my entire reason for being... nothing's replaced it, and it becomes quite tiresome to wander through life aimlessly with no reason for being... I guess you had to be there... so much for the asparagus... so the email arrives (actually it arrived yesterday but I did not check until tonight)... a toe in the water, she says... I'm all wet... then a few lines and the hokey pokey, she says (I summarized the middle)... and in closing, "I wish I could leave you alone but I can't (won't)"... don't tell anyone, but I am just so addictive it's scary... it's been a couple of years since I last heard from her, I think... she disappeared with everything (did I mention I mean everything ?), across national borders, and I've had no way of reaching her... I bet you all wish you could be haunted like this, huh?... dam asparagus... so I respond, cleverly disguising my profound perennial anguish, constant wondering why, aching yearning for closure, and ugly clown-faced scars (that are actually latex molds covering still gaping wounds) with wit and candor... really?... perhaps I should share the conversation... perhaps I will if it gets good... and just when I was wondering how to come here and let you all know that nothing happened today again...
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