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2005-02-02 - 6:29 p.m. odd thomas gets naked I am the kind of odd thomas (having just read the book by the same name by Dean Koontz, you might think this reference has something to do with the story, but it does not... still, for a few nights of odd reading, it is recommended) that allows impulses to reach for the extremes they might find if we actualized the credos that anything is possible and all we need is love, I can, under the right circumstances and with the right person (which could be anytime anywhere with anyone, but only if I want it to be), fall in love with a moment, a writer, a photo, a song, a voice, a fantasy... and while it is very rare for the experience to consummate, I am able (having proven it a couple of times) able to completely give myself to a total stranger at first meeting based on words exchanged and intangibles... there are a few people online (who might remaine nameless for the moment, if only to increase readership through the injection of suspense, subtly, of course) who just reach that place in me that lets it all hang out and belongs somewhere back in history when free love was as acceptible as pay-per-view... sometimes I come across someone who captures not just my attention, but my imagination and fantasies could easily abound... that's not to say they do, but they could... when such an uninhibited urge sweeps across me (not quite a tsunami, since I can ignore it almost eas easily as I could give into it), the most amazing (and silliest) of wonders could happen with just the slightest encouragement... and if you inspired such sparks in me, you already know (unless you live in denial) because I've told you either through email or a phone call and I delight in the giggles or smiles or sighs of appreciation that you return... I am a dichotomy in many ways, but perhaps none more than when it comes to physical intimacy... I have lived for years with people for whom I felt intense attraction and resisted intimacy for mutually benefitial reasons... I have gone all the way with only a handful people in this life and only one was not within the first hours of meeting them... the excitement of giving into that love at first site feeling is even more exciting than the long anticipation feeling, but I definitely appreciate the ancitipation for I am still anticipating consumating my high school romances (yeah, I close no doors on those who move into my heart), somewhere, somehow... and in my free love fantasies there are a few of you who inspire me to want you to climb on top of me the moment we meet and let you choose anything you want from there, naked in every way, unconditional trust in your hands... shhhhh, we'll never tell... I mean, unless you really want to (feel my smirk?) and then we can put up a website dedicated to whatever we create together, a single moment of unabashed bliss or an eternity of merging into one soul space, to let the universe know every detail or just some details with or without graphic art and photographic elaborations... I hear some porn sites can be quite lucrative... I suppose that is because most human males think first with their penises and second with their minds or hearts or good sense... maybe everyone does... I hope not, for it's always been an isolating aspect of my personality that I don't... but we're getting altogether too serious for this entry... how odd, thomas... where were we?... for better and worse, I know the flattered feeling of being the object of someone's fantasy (when they are not dangerous stalker types, meaning not too obsessive, meaning they can respect boundaries if I want boundaries and do not react with negativity {whether passive aggressive sudden abject rejection [you know the style?] or over reacting with more active insult or injury} when confronted with a boundary)... I am not sure if this entry was more motivated by my inner loneliness waking up to the physical loneliness and suddenly wanting expression (not to mention some fulfillment) or if it was more inspired by my browsing this week to at least one (tantalized by the possibilities of whom that might be?... well, something ought to be exciting around here, I hope... I don't think it's the commercials for Girls Gone Wild videos) who would be welcome to lay naked in my arms for no more than embrace and cuddle and sleep or anything they'd want, as you wish... the truth may be in my eyes, if you could see... speaking of being comfortably naked, humans seem uncomfortable to be naked or to be around someone naked (or even partially undressed... as if clothes do really make a person respectible or even worth respect (does that mean the same thing?)... ah, but I am serious... sometimes... I have considered exploring communal living communities now and then and perhaps nudist communities... not that I am communist or anything, even though I do love and believe in sharing... I don't think humans are ready for sharing, unfortunately, so to protect ourselves from inherent greed borne of ignorant fears and insecurities, we need oppressive capitalist doctrines and right wing imperialistic dogma, but I digress... and mock everything... in a moment of serious contemplation about something, I am comfortable with nudity, even during the phases when I am not so comfortable with my body (when I am not feeling physically fit and am slouching more than usual, as I am doing in recent times)... as with most human fears and prejudices, I do not relate to them or want them around me when I am relaxing... definitely the odd thomas, definitely... or the rain man, perhaps... but then, I confess, I am not Tom Cruise, I am watching Sex2k on MTV2 (why bother pretending it's an honest exploration of sexuality when you blur out nudity?) for the first time, I think... that is, I think I am seeing the show for the first time, I did not mean i think I am watching it and surely do not mean I think I am not Tom Cruise... or the rain main, for that matter... definitely... so if you happen to receive an email that suggests at an invite for you to come over and jump on top of me for totally uninhibited naked passionate comfort (with or without the sex, I mean, if you're of illegal age laws, we could wait), then feel free to respond positively with a yes or a no and we could either part pretending never to notice each other again or we could be friends and laugh at your blatent rejection of my arms wide open or we could just be friends... and if you want to pay me for anything, feel free to be as generous as you'd like to be (especially if you enjoy the feeling) and leave the gifts in any form on the night stand or anywhere you'd like (please remember to sign the checks)... of course you will need to make eye contact so we could both get some idea of which words are seriously serious and which are irreverent seriousness and which are seriously irreverent and which are irreverently irreverent... hey, at least I didn't arbitrarily insert (what?) links to your personal sites as if to suggest you have laid with me (been, in the biblical sense, if you know what I mean, nudge nudge wink wink and a nod is as good as a wink to a blind bat, eh gov'na?)... of course if you have a porn site (oh, of course I mean a tastefully delicious seductively sensual sweet as candy sexually oriented place on the web) and you wouldn't mind playing with me in words (and I actually do not mean cybersex, believe it or not, I mean you wouldn't mind being linked in entries that play with the taboos and such of our culture like this one, you know, many might call sordid or red or something), please let me know so my vast audience of odd thomases and weirdos and the curious (and most especially the rare and precious, the sweet innocent people too, remember what is real is relative... there are those who might call this one of my kinky entries, or even perverse (yeah right) and those who might accuse me of pretentious hypocrisy... or maybe you want me to fall in love with you... or maybe it's an egocentric narcissistic thing for you... and rarely do I find anyone who jumps in and plays deeply without eventually passing criticism or judgment... that's ok, we all have our own thing to do in this life... what's yours?
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