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2006-02-01 - 10:10 p.m. not really waking just waking up, barely groggy (mostly still unconscious)... Precious is listening to Aida and telling me about it, though my brain can barely make out the words being sung or the words she is saying... everything is a foggy mumbles dream sequence far far away... she's also reading Siddhartha (Herman Hesse) and asking me random stuff about words and zzzzzzzzz.... I think I dozed off for a bit... or meditating... perhaps I have become the main character of the book she's reading, set off in search of something only to be worn down by life and forget all the smartness I ever might have known... no enlightenment here, kind sirs, only lust for life (wait, that's Van Gogh and no, you can not have the other ear)... or vice versa (referring back to Sidd... you remember Sidd, don't you?... well that makes one of us... I barely remember my name at the moment, so random flashes of cognitive revelry rush up from somewhere and dance across the stage of my consciousness giving me some idea that I never actually get a hold of because the actors (and words) dance off the stage as suddenly as they appear... it's really quite an interesting experience living in my head... but what if I looked like this, would you stand up and walk out on me?... lend me your ear and I'll sing you a song and try not to let my red antlers distract you, ok... what if I let you know that I was just a scared little girl playing a know-it-all guy because it keeps the flirts and crazies from stalking me and fantasizing about doing all sorts of odd things to my tender little body... keep your virgin fantasies to yourself, dark stranger, for I shall be pure when I love for the first time... you dig?... when I was little there were signs around the town saying DIG WE MUST (I believe I stole one once), but I can not be sure just what I can recall for I was a sheltered child given to bouts of frivolity and fanciful dreams... of course it could have just been an old photograph that lead me to believe those signs existed once upon a time... the song once in love with amyloo (ok, so I added a loo, I mean, everybody needs a loo once in a while, right?) continues to slip out of it's little box in my head in moments like these when I am lost between fantasy and dreams (yes Tink, in that space between awake and sleeping, where you still remember... ahhhh, I read the news today oh boy)... Precious texted me earlier today to tell me she's ok... there was a fire in the bathroom at her school... it might be on the local news tonight... they'll probably lock all the bathrooms except for one and make students wait in line and miss class or get into trouble goofing off horseplaying waiting in line... the teacher told everyone to stay in their seats because it was a false alarm... students pulled the alarm and the office turned the fire alarm off and the students had to run down to the office to tell the office idiots that there was actually a fire and the office made an announcement to "evacuate the building immediately"... and the point of having a fire alarm?... what if a bomb went off in the office (or the fire was an electrical fire in the public address system and there was no way to announce "evacuate immediately" and everyone is told by the idiots in charge (teachers, mind you) to remain in their seats and ignore the alarms?... yes, but let's all fear the terrorists and panic and send troops and fight wars 10,000 miles away and send millions and billions and trillions of dollars to protect the school kids in other countries, right Mr. President?... but ignore fire alarm bells in schools here at home... it can't be easy going through life with you're head up your ass... ok, I seem to be a bit more awake now... Precious is telling me about her day... I'm happy she doesn't mind my typing while she's catching me up each night or you'd never see an entry between Monday and Friday (maybe never ever) or at least not anything longer than a few lines (who's cheering for PRecious to demand more attention?... I heard you... that's not nice, you know... just for that, here is the continuation of yesterday's mind dump preparedly dutifully incomplete (majorly, I mean, it's hardly even there) at work last night (or some time... never mind the dates at the top of the entries, the great and powerful wizard of candoor has spoke)... I'll just pretend that I hear all the silent cheers for the latest mind dump... these sort of things used to happen a lot around here when the Idle Thought Sanitation and Re-Education Department (ITSaRED) was more organized, but anti-communist paranoid over the initials and general laziness created an atmosphere in my mind that allowed neural funding to be cut back to the point where most of the ITSaRED workers were laid off and the fewremaining doze off a lot waiting for some motivation to pick up a broom or thought-sorter or something... as such, there are hundreds of what were meant to be temporary scribble files and most are backlogged in archived folders or stuck on the previous computers that might still allow data retreival if I decided to spend time on that project, but who has time for any project other than going to work and getting enough sleep and keeping up with the current projects going on in my head (not to mention maintain some semblence of social life, as it is, which it isn't actually, or you'd have surely heard more about it by now, aye?)... anyway, you deserve better, like actual thoughts and interesting reading and I deserve better, like actual socializing and a love life to speak of (since even the unfukd don't want me in spite of my repeated pathetic attempts to get their attention, boo hoo), not that the previous entry might not have held interest for many of you, I mean, overall, I could be doing much better if I woke my head up and paid attention to what I was rambling on about... but you know I am mostly dead and sleepwriting (and if you don't know the links to those sites referred to in this parentheses, well, you've not been paying attention or maybe this is your first time here, aye?)... ariza (locked, but you can ask in her notes for a PW if you like) pays attention at least and calls me up to let me know... I don't thank her enough for that and being mostly dead or asleep is no excuse, so a big shout out of thanks and appreciation and love to you, ariza, because you deserve it and a lot more... and when I think of love I think: it's been scientifically proven... so that's when I ran out of time at work, but love is a fine place to pause, isn't it?... of course it is... but just in case you want to irritate your brain (or stimulate, depending on your point of view) with abrasive news of the world (or blog about it), then visit snopes.com (bring along your strong stomach) and don't forget about New and Orleans (yes, it is still there, quite the rubble and struggling to rebuild (not to mention Mississippi) and is not quite all chocolate or stupid, despite the impression it's mayor might give... sometimes I am not sure I want to wake up... it all gets so weird
18 * 19 * 20 * 21 * 23 * 25 * 911 Hey America...
Mess (A Message From Mississippi) Hope (Hope Grows in Mississippi) Anger (Anger and Angst in Mississippi) Sigh (A Sigh From Mississippi) Rant (A Rant From Mississippi) Pain (Pain In Mississippi) Rage (Rage For Mississippi) or Messages From Mississippi because they were mostly guest entries to pass along email from a friend who witnessed Mississippi first hand cuz he lives there... bless him and his family, in fact, do it yourself... RED CROSS OTHER WAYS TO HELP English: 1-800-HELP-NOW (1-800-435-7669) Spanish: 1-800-257-7575 TDD: 1-800-220-4095 Hurricane Housing Blogging for Relief POST A MESSAGE
many ways to get and give help list of ways to donate or help more links to donate or help help to get word out that you're ok
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