plans can be made... plans can be laid... they can be the best plans... laid by the best of men... they can even be laid by mice... but plans may be for fools... so sayeth the DLand servers...

the intention (was that a plan?) was to return (remember?) to daily updates, to real-time updates, to sharing with you as if we were sitting together and talking, or at least as if I was talking and you were listening... but the mice failed us and those best laid plans, well, they were mislaid... perhaps we should have left it for the women to have laid them, but who knew... next time, I see if I can get my plan laid by a woman...

anyway, perhaps I uploaded too many entries in too brief a period of time last night (just think, it was only yesterday), but I am shut out of Diaryland today so the entry I am writing for you right here and now is going to be uploaded whenever... maybe later... maybe tomorrow... maybe it doesn't matter anymore...

see, the DLand servers are overloaded again... so says the sign:

If you are reading this, the new database servers are extra-loaded and you'll have to wait a minute and try again. Sorry about that, but the traffic to the site has increased dramatically in the past week, and there are short periods now where the database server is pretty loaded-down, but don't worry, I am working on preventing this, and the amount of time where they're overloaded is nothing compared to the old servers, in the first week of having the new servers there was only 10 minutes like this, it's very rare now. So just hold up a minute, reload this page and it will more than likely let you add an entry.

you really ought to change your message now and then if you want it to be credible, I mean, traffic has increased dramatically this past week every week since you wrote this blurb... lots of drama, huh?... unfortunately, however, it's impossible... do the math...

credibility is important in business, ya know?...

so here I am deciding whether DLand is worth my money and I was thinking, well gee, I get pretty reliable service for free on this diary here and it's only fair that I continue paying for the service over at my other diaries, even though I only use one of them sporadically now and the others just sit and gather dust even though I pay DLand more each year than I pay my own server who offers much more... until this week, I did use this diary daily (and until this week, I rarely had any problem with accessing it)... the irony of the coincidence (if it is coincidence) does not bode well for Andrew's business here at DLand... after all, timing is everything (ah, that relative ambivalent old friend, time)...

whenever this entry is finally uploaded, you'll read it and it will be now for you... the sponteneity for me, alas, is gone... as is the fun of imagining us being together, for the moment at least...

depression must surely follow...

so instead of another meaningless entry of happy-go-lucky silliness composed mostly of narcissistic rambling, you get a bit of griping about the dishonesty of the DLand business and the bad taste it leaves in my mouth... very bad timing, since the email asking for my money is pending in my Inbox right now and this sudden blockage of my words guarantees there will be no renewal of SuperGold from this member at DLand... that's three paid memberships lapsing from me this past year... you see, the traffic of BS has increased dramatically in the past week and my wallet is pretty loaded-down, but don't worry I am working on preventing this... my own server offers a lot more options, creative freedom, storage space, and reliability at the same cost... it may be time to explore Moveable Type and make the move... being lazy about that and not having much computer power and accepting the relativity of time and so on, until then, maybe I'll wake up my other daily journal...

hours later in real-time...

the DLand server still refuses to let me in... there's no news of any problems posted... and I can get in on other accounts... so what else is new?... we might have conversed a bit this weekend, at least this Sunday, for I was doing home-stuff and didn't go out (I actually dressed for the gym earlier and decided to eat instead cuz I was hungry and the thunderstorms were profound out there)... I am slowly coming off the sugar high (coookies) and will get back to the gym tomorrow, I hope (probably after sleeping as I'll have been awake nineteen hours when I get home from work tomorrow morning) and I'll have another talk with myself about will power and dropping the weight back under 190... there is so little motivation to do much of anything physical these days, nobody sharing the physical world has any interest in any activities beyond eating out and going to the movies (which includes eating, of course)... so any activity is solitary and while I love some solitary time, especially running, too much of anything is no fun...

Orlando... Florida... that's where I am... there's lots to do here... I've got days free... off weekends... come on over...

guess depression isn't following too well in spite of the feeling of being shut out of the DLand club... I could write about how much I ache to be held, how much I long to be touched, how much I hunger the sweet sensual cuddle... I could lament about how empty life is, how no one gazes into my eyes, how no one seduces me or even wants to... I can cry over not having unconditional trust or intimate friends, no sharing of secrets or dreams, no creative play... and I am tired, coming off the sugar-high weekend, but still... I feel way too playful (mischievous, even) to be caught up in downbeats for long... so I'll settle back and watch some TV while copying CDs and later, check out some of the NBA finals... and then, back to work (and hopefully one of these days, maybe later tonight, get this entry uploaded)...

hope you have a positive feeling going on in you in spite of the challenges life might throw your way today... and hope you are finding fun where you can... one of these days, maybe we'll find some together (Orlando, remember, with a grin)...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)