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2004-04-06 - 9:22 a.m. the things that come to mind while waiting for the nose to stop bleeding... ok, so I am feeling kinda pressure in my upper abdomen and I am not sure if it is from excess weight or my heart muscle telling me to get more sleep before exercising more, so I will do a light workout today and hope for the best... it would be a hell of a thing to drop dead while working out on one's birthday, aye?... yeah, it's the day I am supposed to celebrate the birth of this body... odd holiday, if you ask me, because it only comes around once a year... I mean, if it's a celebration of being alive, then it should be an every day event... I celebrate feeling reborn each time I open my eyes (metaphorically, each time I either return to consciousness from sleep or wherever or each time I return to a level of conscious awareness that I recognize as me... though it sometimes does happen with every blink, or at least with a few moments of focused meditation with my eyes closed)... but if the celebration is entering into this world, well heck, I probably would have chosen another destination if I had a choice... but that's my possibly skewed perspective of the current state of humanity talking so you might not know where I am coming from, what I mean, or the price of fish in Madagascar, not that it matters all that much... I don't want to offend anyway, but probably do when I express my opinions about human culture so I tend to stay off the subject, but really people, look around and try to convince me there's evidence of genuine intelligence in human behavior (we probably will have to agree on a definition of intelligence first)... and then we can expand to trying to observe wisdom, common sense, compassion, kindness, and realness... if you enjoy people watching and can handle different perspectives without getting too defensive or offended or otherwise out of sorts... anyway, I don't celebrate landing here on Earth too often, so maybe an annual day for reevaluating my stay here is worthwhile... when I have the time... meanwhile, I am still rambling here because the body presented a sign that I should pause... I blew my nose and it trickled some blood, which generally means either a sinus infection is approaching (no obvious symptoms) or excess pollen is irritating the membranes in my nostrils (always possible in Florida, though I haven't had allergy symptoms in years) or my blood pressure is a tad high (I finally accepted a blood pressure pill at my last check up after refusing to medicate this body last year cuz the blood pressure is still borderline high after three weeks of talking the pills as prescribed my blood pressure was higher which hopefully was due to going to the doctor right after work and being awake a long time and taking a month off from exercise and carrying around about twenty five extra pounds (and I am feeling bloated at the moment and drank about a quart of water in the past thirty minutes which can raise blood pressure) and maybe some stress at thinking about whether this body has a genetic predisposition for high blood pressure {being adopted with no biological history can be an high risk factor for anything at the doctor's office} that is only showing itself in recent years and not an adverse reaction to the pills... I still have not looked up the pills to learn precisely how it is supposed to lower the blood pressure, which is something I should do the next time I am online, which is not at the moment of this writing, but is certainly procrastination and denial, two obvious {and unfortunate} signs of being human, one which is nothing to celebrate) or the body is stressed by fatigue and/or something else (altogether probable) or I poked it with a scissor while trimming nose hairs (which didn't happen in recent memory) or I simply was not paying attention and blew too hard (a sure sign of being out of touch with the body, which is not very intelligent or wise, so maybe I really am human after all)... anyway, I am waiting a bit for the trickle to stop and more, for some additional after work relaxation to occur since I just got back from work... not to mention the fact that I am nodding off... but I don't want to sleep in the morning cuz that is when it's quiet and I have privacy to write or do whatever I wish here and I'd rather sleep in the evening when the world and immediate environment present an abundance of distractions (I can sleep through anything when I am tired and can sleep well with music on if the noises outside of my room wake me) and that way I do not have to observe the messy habits like the dishes that are added to a sink on top of already festering meat grease pans that have been sitting there for more than a week (no, they are not uncle festering {clever pun-ishing of the language, my fine feathered philophiles, not to mention anglophiles}, but they do stink when the windows are closed... did I mention they made meatloaf a while back or that the frying pan with congealed meat fat that, unless I put it into the sink, sits on the stove and is only washed just before the next time it is to be used?... and you wondered why I bug spray so diligently before moving in anywhere I go)... but if I do not get to the gym this morning I might skip a day and I promised myself I would not skip a day today and I do strive to be true to my word so I will pick myself up and trot over to the gym (with a couple of bags of stinky trash that have been sitting in the dining room which {is on the way out the front door} for more than a week cuz I bagged them after the meatloaf was cooked and left them to see if they would be taken out since most of the trash is pepsi bottles and take-out food containers... I know, inconsistent reinforcement, but I really do not want to make the point by letting the place actually get bug infested so I'll explore other avenues of encouraging cleaning up after selves and stop this dang focusing on the living space already cuz it's boring and potentially annoying which is why I'd just as soon not observe the mess as it is being made, hence the recent attempt to change sleeping patterns mentioned previously)... ok, to the gym with me now...
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