well here we are a half a morning gone and I'm just settling down... an extra hour at work and then a busy gym and then a faulty CD-writer delayed my coming here today... but at least I am here now... excuse me whilst I grumble a bit...

first, the CD-writer appears broken... it goes through the recording phase just fine, but then stops during the writing phase... I will not connect this sudden brokenness with the fact that Precious started using the computer this week... it's an ancient machine that probably doesn't have much life left in it so the CD-writer is the first thing to go... alas... bummer... major suckage...

I am actually a lot more frustrated than I might appear... just when I was starting to believe I might get back into music again (oh these ever so tentative baby steps in slow motion)... of course there is a voice in the back of my head (actually, several) who laugh and assure me that the universe is just watching out for my karma cuz I should go find more income and purchase the CDs I want instead of copying library CDs, dontcha know... I can offer the fact that in this lifetime I have spent well over a hundred thousand dollars on music recordings (not including the equiptment to play such recordings)... unfortunately, that doesn't earn me any karma points cuz that's just doing the right thing... I can offer the fact that, in this rahter tragic-comedy of a life I have lost (had stolen) more recordings than I currently have in storage and I have at least ten thousand recordings in storage at the moment (who knows if the weather has not done them in though)... and that sob story plus a quarter won't even get me one phone call from karma hell... a conscious is a terrible thing to have, or know about...

oh, face it... I'm that strange sort of person who has never downloaded a song off the internet... and only in the last month or few have I actually copied CDs from the library... I have about fifty now, I think... and just last week, while at the library, I ordered some of my all-time favorite CDS with the vague hope that hearing the core music from the soundtrack of this life as I know it would wake me up inside, but far be it for me to acknowledge the hope consciously until now, when the hope is dashed before it even burps a bubble...

did I say major suckage?...

ok, enough grumbling about that (...but music was his life, it was not his livelihood...)... what?... there's plenty more superficial daily life things to grumble about rather than festering gobules of past massacres, why, there's (looks around)... time... yes time... there's just not enough of it and I really think something should be done about it... just imagine if we stopped killing each other and ourselves and invested all the money we waste on weapons and poisons into life and time research... oh, but who'd ever buy that idea... sometimes I just want to sit ack and say "pass the bowl"...

so I am really not happy with the CD-writer...

and the long time gone that I've been...

and the nobody knows me feeling...

and the state of humanity...

and the finity of time...

meanwhile, I did get to the gym again and so maybe this is the year I do not die, or rather, maybe this is the year I actually return from the dead (not that I've been there much... recording the deadbeats of my heartbeats takes much time... and you already know about time)... I am tired... having to go into work during my sleep time yesterday cut into my sleep time (oh really?) and I am groggier than usual... and the gym was busy, so I settled for thirty minutes on the treadmill at about 6.3mph instead of waiting for the LifeFiteness machine (which pumps the arms as well as legs, is easier on the joints than running, and says it burns more calories and feels like it works the muscles more than just running)... I miss running, but it takes a lot less time to get a better workout on the machine... anyway, I have a workout log for this sort of babble, so I'll stop rambling on about it here since I am in a bit of a grumbly mood...

ah yes, the work... staying late because the manager doesn't schedule properly is a pain, especially when I am pushing myself on very little sleep... since you asked, the LPN was all fake smiles and cheerfulness tonight and asked me to do her a few favors which took me off the unit and I wonder if she's dumb enough to think I did not know she was using the time to talk trash and put ideas into the girls heads (and sadly, they appear just jaded-by-males enough to buy into her negativity... lost in their own little bubble, they ignore the visiting staff who ask me how I put up with them, shrugging it off as a joke... so I ignore their man-bashing and backstabbing remarks and that frustrates the LPN whi only seems happy when she is the star of the show and either being applauded or getting a rise out of someone... and did I mention she thinks she knows everything about everything?)... I decided not to go to the meeting today, so if they want to corral the manager in a corner and put more negative ideas in her head, they can try... I think their game is getting old for her as well, since she has no problems with my work...

there's Rasputin and he's all jazzed about fantasy baseball so I've got to listen a while... I may be back later, or not... anyway, it's time for food... thank you for listening to me grumble, it's good for the soul to grumble out loud (or in written words) cuz it lets the bad out and there's a lot more room for the good... I think I might buy a CD burner this weekend... a computer?... probably not, but a burner would be a solution me and my wallet can both smile about... may all of your grumbles be resolved so easily...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)