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BLACK
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( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )
MEG AND DIA!
ORLANDO?
WHERE IT BEGAN
ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)
ONE. . . WHY
(find your social conscience)
Barbara Waters: so candoor, what all this fuss about blogmad?
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CONVERSATION WITH GOD
MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN
(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)
o O ( AND COMING SOON! ) O o
ABOUT ZOOPLA
o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o
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o O ( SOCIAL CONCERNS ) O o
HELP THE RED CROSS
MESSAGES FROM MISSISSIPPI
BLOG FOR RELIEF
NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL
(MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL)
(INCLUDING LIVE CAM AND PHOTOS)
HELP AND BE HELPED
HURRICANE HOUSING
LINKS TO HELP
IMAGES FOR HISTORY
New Orleans News
Buloxi News
THE FAILURE
FREE SPEECH
(tell them what you think)
The White House
(202) 456-1111
Senate and Congress
(202) 224-3121
YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHTS
USE THEM
FAT MAN WALKING
BLOGATHON!
INDEX BEGIN
FACE FUN!
last---past---next---now
SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA
OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)
mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics
fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here
SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN
3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg
REFERENCE LIBRARIES
questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library
deep web search engines
itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals
AMUSEMENTS
Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked
CULTURE
the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible
COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)
(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?) (a turn on or a laugh?) real doll (p) (the ultimate self-indulgence) (or it could just be a typo) |
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last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications
2006-03-29 - 3:06 p.m.
my mind is weary now
on the razor's edge it stands
forging glass from shifting sands
streams of color burning through
blinding light collects in hue
stunning eyes so fraught with pain
willing pleasure, come again
maybe if we go insane
or make magic in a brain
more than words can say, thank you more for your feedback on my last entry... and recent entries... if you missed recent entries, last week we experienced tragedy behind the candoor and as is my way here, the words flow freely to express the life in black and white... there is ugliness in pain, but beauty in expressing honesty... and that is how healing can begin... avert your eyes if you must, but consider returning after the storm when the fun returns...
long time readers, you know I shall return (tomorrow morning, even)... hopefully you shall too... the silliness may be buried deep in these recent entries that carve their way through the darkness to the light, but the passion for life and love and irreverence is still strong and shall rise above the challenges to continue the daily babbles for the fun of self expression and blah blee blah blah blee blah, amusement...
life is pain... anyone who tells you otherwise is lying... who said that?... I know I heard it recently, very recently (and I don't, for this moment, mean metaphorically), and the source slips my mind... it's a movie line, I think, so a search of the imdb is in order... maybe tomorrow...
in any case (so much for distraction)...
so the pain is what proves we are alive... the pleasure too, no doubt, but to enjoy the pleasure we must endure the pain... to know love we must endure the loss... for everything comes to an end sometimes... everybody's gonna lose sometimes... there's a song lyric... it slips my mind...
and the love you take is equal to the love you make...
the title of this entry, in case you missed it, is the opening line from JC Superstar... and I return to the words of that Tim Rice masterpiece whenever I feel life's sad and bitter side a bit too much... and I only want to say that if there is a way to take this cup away from me for I don't want to taste it's poison, feel it burn me, I have changed, I'm not as sure as when I started... then I was inspired, now I'm sad and tired, after all I've tried for three years... feels like ninety...
seems like an eternity sometimes...
the neediness of humanity is so amazingly immense, so profoundly intense, and when I am not imitating to fit in and mocking myself for doing so, it is all illusion to me... so rarely do I find someone who keeps their own counsel, who is content within, who is happy just being alive, just being... so often I meet people who suck energy and life and joy and love as if they can not create their own... and I am a giver, it is my nature and pleasure to give and while those who know me best will say without hesitation that I appear to be (without end) supply of energy and love (and all ego tripping aside, I am humbled by such recognition as I know I will die sometimes and fail now and then), there is a point of fatigue I reach where I wonder why it all goes out and so rarely comes in...
and loves lies bleeding...
in these rare moments when I am not playing games with words, as I sit back to assess my experience in this life, I see an analogy to electricity in my experience as it feels as though I am a positive pole always sending out electrons and I have yet to meet another like me as there are so many negative poles sucking in the electrons, but to complete the analogy we must complete the circuit so where do the electrons I send out come from...
strum your guitar, sing it kid...
so many theories on that one, spiritual and physical, but I accept not knowing the answer for sure and do my best to enjoy what is... the pleasure in the feeling of the giving... but one day I would like to experience the pleasure of the sharing and, I think, perhaps, the receiving...
and the love you fake is equal to the love you break...
there is a negative pole within me too (I believe we all have the yin and yang, the energy out and energy in aspects of our being) and while I learned early on how to redirect my own electrons to satisfy the hunger at that negative pole, it is still not as much pleasure as sharing the flow of energy can be... and there, when I look out from my well self-contained peace and happiness for what more there can be in this physical life, I feel what we call loneliness...
all I've got is time, nothing else is mine...
it is a physical manifestation, for ethereally I am one with everything and that feeling is the purest security, pleasure, and passion I've ever know (and probably the source of the positive energy that seems without end in me), but as a physical manifestation is becomes an emptiness, an ache for another to share the experience of this physical life... and in that ache grows a longing and in that longing grows a sorrow for the potential lost, the time passing without sharing...
and I can lament much in such sadness...
but then it is not my nature to linger in sorrow for long for I know that the pendulum of emotion swings from side to side, the circle of life rolls round and round, and the point of life is the enjoy it, to make everything fun whenever possible and at all times, to make everything meaningful (even the most nonsensical fun or seemingly vegetative acts or non-acts, for letting go and spacing out is for the consciousness like sleep is to the physical mind and body, part of the cycle of good health)...
and so I sleep...
I sleep dreamless at times like these, for dreams are for happier times... not for times of profound loss and I do not enjoy nightmares so I do not encourage them and they rarely come to my mind... I sleep because sometimes this body and the energy that is me benefits from and perhaps needs rest... it is a deeper rest I seek now, but this is not a good time to be leaving a job and letting go... perhaps in a year and a half when Precious starts college... or perhaps I wait for someone else to be strong so I may experience, just once, what it is like to rest on another's energy...
once there was a way...
and dreams of better days
at times like these
when sorrow weighs a ton
and work is never done
and passion doesn't come
and all I feel is numb
beneath heart ache
I can get lost in the words
and music when it plays
at times like these
I remember good times
in gently flowing rhymes
and peace embraces me
relieving misery
until I wake
to feel the wonder of all there is to feel
the euphoria, the glory of knowing love is real
and the loss of love as life comes to an end
all this is living when we don't pretend
to feel the power of emotional refrains
the heart's song is made of pleasures and pains
and just when you feel
that all good has come to an end
come get lost in words with me
and let your dreams become your friend
and sleep until you wake and know the peace again
each end is just a way to start again
so I get lost in the words
as once there was a way
at times like these
while many look elsewhere
or fall to their knees
my great escape requires only
as wings will lift the birds
the trust I place in how I can feel the words
I find myself again
though it may sound absurd
I find myself as get lost in words
I find myself when I get lost in words
to get back home... word...
the rhymes are my meditation, the writing my chi, ka, pa... chikapa, whatever that is... chikapa, anima, what you are, what you are... body, mind, spirit, nature, family... and within it all as one each finds a new identity... the will to be must struggle with conformity... and fear questions reality, but are we really free?... we're all part of the cycle of eternity... so let tonight be yours, become your fantasy... in sleep, in dreams, you can rest and see... in dreams, sweet dreams, they key... in dreams you find, in dreams rests your humanity...
boy, you're gonna carry that weight...
a long time...
and as if through golden slumbers, a smile awakes me as I rise and I wake refreshed and renewed with a giggle (and that's not gas either, though my tank does metaphorically feel full again) to be here, reborn with the hope in my heart (that I'll never walk alone) that everything begins in each moment and in this moment the giving is easy again and at any moment the sharing can begin...
and the love you save is equal to the love you gave...
still living that year I promised myself, still feel like I owe it to someone... the first cut is the deepest, baby I know... once in love with Amy... and a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet... call her Bobbie, call her Sue... call her Linda, nothing's new... call her Sandy, call her Gail... call her Dawn, wind in your sail... call her mother, child, or god... whatever name, it's not that hard... love foists on it's own petard...
and there only was one choice...
. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)
< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >
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the moment
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you know that box to the right on the dland entry page called recent public entries?... what do the asterisks mean?... and the bold?...
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AND WHATDYA MISS?
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