and so was he

and I was thinking about best friends... did I ever tell you that two of the people I've felt closest to in this world so far, my best friend and my first long term girl friend, were born on the same date?... in the same year?... I never did think to ponder just how far apart the respective wombs they emerged from were at the time... it was the same city... perhaps it's an animal attraction to the energy of Scorpio, but only when softened by Saggitarius... for if we reach deeper into my heart the two (another two) who shared me most, the only two who ever divided me, were born on the cusp of these two signs and deepest of all, later in the latter...

did I get too obscure in the end there?... well, you can find these people and others who have meant something profound to me in this life (in the offline physical world, for the most part) semi-immortalized in the gardens of one and it's the time of year that brings them to mind... there was once a calendar in my written garden and I am contemplating how profoundly meaningful it was once thought to be and where it has gone to now, stored (hopefully still retrievable) on computers that have been in storage for almost a decade... so many secrets (and possibly magic) on the drive of a 1987 Atari 1040... let me take you down, cuz I'm going to... what I can remember at this moment...

January 2, 14, 20, 25, 28

these are dates I celebrate in the month of January... I'd tell you why, and I wouldn't even have to kill you (to almost insert a very old joke, badly)... but seriously, if I explored the why for each date, I'd have to realize that I do not have time to explore the depths of memory and emotion and dreams that form my personal history and the lack of time (and superficial treatment of the building blocks that make me who I am) would most likely bring on a great sadness (and what might be forgotten, oh dear please) and I don't have time to dig through the pits of despair and mostly deadness inside for healing followed by the the necessary time needed to pour my heart out in the other world of candora which would lead to the part where I step out of the womb I've constructed for the purpose of sleep writing and healing and start to truly living physical life in the physical world to the max again and share true unconditional completely open honest love, actually...

that's a film, you know...

so anyway, for the sake of providing some detail, I shall give the approximate time of life when each of the dates became meaningful for me and someday, there's always hope, I shall find the detailed calendar portion of the autobiography I might have put together once upon a time and continue it into the present... or even rewrite it all, if it still interests me... if I find it... if I ever have the time again... oh sigh, ya know?...

the saddest thing of all might be forgetting what I have left out and not finding it again... that would be the kind of holiday blues there's no cure for... unless someone could wake me up inside and remind me of who I am... songs are such good things... so...

January

2 relates to high school...
14 and 20 go back as close to birth as I've got...
25 and 28 relate to grade school...

February

21 time in Toronto...
22 time in Brooklyn...
23 time in the Army, I think...
25 grade school...

March

23 starting a second career in health care...

April

6 emerging from the womb...
18 the time of the start of public school...
19 and high school...

May

1 high school and the first of May (rebirth)
29 high school...

June

15 high school...
26 the end of Brooklyn years...

July

2 back to the time of the Army...
30 and Toronto...

August

2 grade school again, around the fourth grade...
21 and Toronto...
23 high school hell week...

October

9 from my teens...
21 and from my house in Florida...

November

5 from the years wandering after the Army...
6 from Toronto...
15 and high school...
15 and high school...
21 and high school...
22 and high school...
30 and high school... and hard rain...

December

1 and high school and death and life and loss...
1-7 final move out of New York and down the Florida... and rebirth...
7 and high school...
8 and high school and shock...
16 and high school...
26 and the return to Florida after Toronto...
30 and Toronto...

there, now you know... precisely what you know is debatable or at least open to the uncertainty factor, but at least you do know something now... this is a calendar that relates most to the dates of birthdays and events that have impacted most on my heart... and the most amazing thing to me will be what I left out of it as I put it together kind of on the spur of the moment... someday, maybe I'll put my life back together (the paper version, I mean) and I'll compare notes with the memory that is still in my consciousness today and have some fun with the aging factor... you know, every year we lose millions of brain cells and some of those might be memory cells and who knows all the details of how the brain works...

so Happy Birthday Ray and Barb...

always...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)