so where were we?...

yes, this is a marathon babbling session that is broken up into several entries... there's Notre Dame football on TV (the LSU game was delayed due to lightening) and many more games to come on this fun filled college football Saturday... there's laundry spinning around in the washer and dryer and bins of sorted dirty clothes waiting for their turn... there was pizza and wings, but we finished them... wait, there are two more slices in the fridge if you'd like, but better get them quick before Rasputin gets home...

Rasputin likes pizza...

anyway, here we are rambling and reading (you know your part, though feel free to ramble yourself in the comments or in your own blog if you find inspiration here or anywhere)... this is what I do, in case you didn't know and you found these few words out of the millions I've put on paper and on line... I babble... ramble through words expressing ideas and observations and whatever else comes to mind...

some call it free association... I just call it babbling... some might call it nonsense, but it's not all nonsense as every now and then you might actually learn something about me as I reflect on the life offline in my immediate environment or even ponder some thoughts about the world out there beyond my happy little offline life... so you'll never know what you might find if you decide to spend the next year or two reading everything I've put on the web (yes, it just might take that long)...

and the web only contains about 1% of all the writing I've done in this lifetime... and that's just this lifetime, after all... so to expect anyone to want to make the time to know everything is kind of a far fetched dream (but that doesn't stop me from dreaming it... and a couple of times in this life someone actually convinced me that they wee committed to doing just that, but each of the few who tried changed their mind after a few years of promising and not really following through...

maybe nobody likes to be called on their broken promises, denials, or lack of follow through on their agreements... but I don't want to believe nobody wants to be called on such inconsistency and I know at least one person who does want it because I do... when I find someone else who does, I'll have found someone with one of the essential ingredients to be a true friend (the first prerequisite for being a true intimate)...

anyway, sometimes I just ramble on about nothing in particular that matters to anyone but me and sometimes it may have nothing to do with me in particular and sometimes I even try out opinions or perspectives that are not mine or even the antithesis of my own just to see how they feel (so if you don't read enough and judge too quickly, you might assume you know me and be way off, but then, not everyone has patience...

the world goes on with or without each individual one of us having accurate knowledge or being right about what we think we know... I personally think it's better to know someone accurately when we are thinking we know someone, but not everyone cares as much about truth as I do and that's his or her choice... I can be wrong, but I am right for me...

and so, I ramble... I babble... and I gaze into my crystal ball and read minds when people are least suspecting... I seldom tell them what I am doing or what I know about them... and I only use it to my advantage when it also leaves them better off in some way... or at least changes nothing for them... but then, observation changes everything, so it may be impossible to change nothing...

but then, nothing is impossible, which is why I continue to dream the impossible dream that someone might someday want to find the time to know everything about me and share everything about themselves and explore everything about everything (even without italics)...

you'll find me looping back to that dream every now and then, but I don't think there is any specific schedule followed by my subconscious and I don't schedule the dream consciously, though I do consciously decide to spend some time exploring the possibilities and dreaming aloud (or at least in prose and rhymes) when I am in the mood...

and I like to find people who can relate to the dream... it helps recharge my hope that someone might actually share the actualization of the dream someday, ya know?... and I am not the only one either, John Lennon... nor am I the only Don Quixote... but I am not Albert Einstein, so I couldn't give you any mathematical proof that it is possible... still, I believe that with Meg Ryan's help (or even, perhaps Dia's or a few others), we could prove it by living it...

I suppose I need to take the redevelopment of an actual offline social life more seriously what with my easy references to dead, fictitious, or distant people or relatively unreachable stars, aye?...

speaking of my social life, you might have read somewhere that my bed broke...

yes, the fiberboard under my mattress broke... now there is some incentive to drop some weight, aye?... actually, it's an old bed I inherited when I moved in, one of those cheap Rooms-To-Go things (though the mattress was an upgrade and a very good one when it was new)... fiberboard is not the right material for under a mattress, however... even cheap plywood would be better... one of these days I'll measure the bed frame and stop at Home Depot or Lowes or somewhere and pick up a piece of plywood cut to fit...

yeah, and one of these days maybe I'll shop for and buy a new bed... this one is a wide twin... until the last few years, I'd only slept in a twin bed for a few years during childhood (and until the last few years I've not slept alone except for a few years in childhood, but that's another story)...

this is the story of beds...

until I was six, I slept in a double bed... when I was in my very early teens I started sleeping on a convertible couch bed that was queen size (though much of the time I just slept on the mattress on the floor)... I put two twins together when I was in the army (had no roommate most of the time)... and then bought a king size to share for the rest of the time I was in NY and another king size when I moved to Florida...

in Toronto I shared my double futon, not great, but we were seriously economizing... some of the late nineties I slept in my car (station wagon at the time) and since moving back down here I've been sleeping in beds left by others, all twins... so it's small and weird for me, which is probably why I sleep in the big green chair so often...

there, you see, you just learned something real about me... and if you learn to read between the lines, you'll have learned even more... and you thought it was all empty babble (and you still do if you don't pay attention, read superficially, and don't care to read between the lines or ask questions when you want to know something...

but like everything else, it's all up to you... whatever you decide, I hope you are enjoying yourself reading as much as I do writing... it is a beautiful therapy, a sweet release, a stimulating game, and many other positive things for me, this writing thing I do...

I mean, in case you wanted to know J

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)