another entry was lost in the shuffle it seems... you could check elsewhere if you're interested and have time, or you could just mourne the loss of words and move on... meanwhile, here in the life (in black and white, I moved around a few players in my fantasy baseball league, watched a movie I don't remember, cleaned the kitchen (frying meat really does coat every surface in grease, yuck) and hung out with Rasputin for a few hours before finally motivating myself to get down to the gym where I gave the body a decent aerobic workout, but lightened up on the weights for today... motivating my roommate wasn't happening, so as I left for the gym I left the idea of deciding what food we were going to eat for the Superbowl with him... and of course, after ordering (what else) Donato's pizza (isn't there anybody out there who loves variety as much as I do?), Sally is snoring on the floor in the only path between the living room and the kitchen (his kitchen table sits in the middle of the living room so he can eat in front of the TV or cuz it was never moved after the card game we played on it a while back... it makes for a rather cluttered living room and nobody could sit on the couch or love seat unless we move the table and the chairs around it... strange interior decorating, to be sure... he's lucky I love him), which kind of puts a damper on the Superbowl party I might want to throw for myself... or even the laundry I need to do (especially since there's clothes in the washer and the dryer)... so much for the energy in this space (it's more like entering an energy dampening field)... waaa waaa waagle...

little do you know I'm giggling as I mock my home life...

so I'm watching the Superbowl and decided it was time for an entry here since the earlier one I wrote for this daily life diary was lost in the cyber ooze... and I know you just can't make it through the night without knowing what happened to me (all one of you, huh?)... well, someday I might appreciate the fact that I documented this rather boring phase of this life so, well, diligently... at least I am not sitting here moping over loneliness or throwing a pity-party (hey, more often than not I enjoy my solitude... I just have a lot more to say when I am not)...

and hey again, don't knock a good mood....

so what do you do with yourself when you're alone?... you don't have to express it in visually graphic images if you don't want to... I mean, explicit photos would do, if you're at a loss for words... and there we are sitting back (with a slight slouch, no doubt) on our couch (or in our chair) wondering what in the world would compel anybody to want to know, no less watch, what happens as a couch potato slowly slides between the cushions... and does your couch (or chair) come equipt with a recumbant bike and LifeCycle 9100 too?... I mean, besides the essentials like a built in fridge and sound system...

some of us use words to amuse ourselves, to occupy our time, to give us something to do until something to do comes along... of course we could go out looking for something to do, but I've found that if you go out looking for something you occasionally actually find it and then become obligated in some strange way to actually do it, even if you have since decided that you really don't want to... going out into the world is kind of like a blind date with life, you never know just what it's going to be like... of course sitting around watching reruns can get rather dull and make one as big as Rerun, but that's an old show of a different color... not a horse, this time...

so what's happening?...

well, on the anniversary of the accident waiting to happen, that being the second shuttle disaster, New England won the Superbowl... that is, the team from New England, known as the Patriots, won the Superbowl... not that the other team are not patriots, or any of the rest of the country or world, for that matter... but the New England team chose the name first so they've got it... ironic, since it is a bit of a reference, I think, to the revolutionary war and the colonists who ousted the British... the irony being that the area is called New England and the people are probably most like the British as compared with the rest of the country, but they are patriots nonetheless I suppose... not that it matters in the long run, I mean, the revolution was a long time ago... and it's just a name, after all... the folk from Carolina are not really Panthers, right?...

if only you were here you might be able to tell the world just when I am actually being serious and just when I am actually being humorous, or attempting either... the world might want to know, after all... someday... posterity makes for strange bedfellows, in case you didn't know...

in looking over the TV schedule for the night, I see I can take a trip to Europe with Charlie Brown and his friends... and I can finally see Minority Report if I'm up for it... and I can watch The Outer Limits and The X-Files after that if I so desire... these latter two are two shows I can easily escape into as they are the kinds of stories I enjoy best, stories without limits... or I could watch a documentary about who wrote the bible followed by some show called Sex In The Bible... now that is a curious title... or I could watch Brooke Shields flash her pre-pubescent and just pubescent breasts in The Blue Lagoon, but then I don't feel all that pedophiliac tonight so I think I'll stick with the first lineup... human entertainment is kind of amazing, but then, why should the hypocrisy not be reflected in human art (and there's a loose use of the term, huh?)... ok, but what about your fantasies?...

you wouldn't want to fantasize about a teenager, now would you?... and if you did, I mean, just hypothetically, would that make you a pervert?... to be attracted to and turned on by young firm fit flesh?... but what if you would never actually act out your fantasies on the real live human flesh you fantasize about?... what if you would only visualize in your mind or at most, would only look at pictures... or perhaps a doll?... I mean, a plastic or latex or vinyl or ultra high tech very flesh like material formed into the shape of your favorite libido fantasy?...

maybe you don't masturbate... but what if you did?... would you masturabate to visual fantasies in your mind?... would you masturbate to visual fantasies of real photos of famous or not famous people?... would you masturbate with your hand or a pillow or some sort of object?... how about that human shaped sex doll idea now?... say, one in the shape of Jennifer Lopez or Marilyn Monroe or Orlando Bloom or Elvis?... what if you could choose any image at all?... would it be more or less ok if the person who's image and body shape was emulated by the flesh-like material was dead or alive?... would you tell anyone or keep it secret?... what if you were still a teenager yourself?... would the maker of the thing, doll or android or whatever, be breaking some law if you used it?... or would a doll shaped Dorothy Gale (you know, the Wizard of Oz) or Harry Potter or your childhood fantasy, be some sort of immoral or illegal fantasy?... how about Britney Spears?... or how about Barney or Pinnochio or Barbie or the Little Mermaid?... what a philosophical can 'o worms this might open... I mean, do we really need thought police?... would you really want to be a thought police person?...

what was that about when I am serious and when I am not?...

actually, I was just thinking, after seeing a promo for the Grammy Awards show (or was it the cheerleaders?), that no matter what anybody says or thinks about her music or other talents, Britney Spears has quite an attractive body... though her breasts may be just a bit larger than I prefer (well, nobody's perfect), she would make for such a wonderful libido fantasy if I was so inclined tonight... she'll be on the list of bodies (from Christina Aguilera to Carmen Electra to Meg Ryan to Mila Kunis to Sandra Bullock to Milla Jovovich to Nicole Deboer to Anna Paquin to... what, you don't have a list?) I choose for android lovers when such products become affordable (hey, I have great hope for future science and invention)... for now, we'll just have to settle for virtual reality programs... or love dolls...

oh get real, aye? (actually, faces are where my fantasies start)...

sometimes a tangent pops up when you least expect it... and it's not always a sexual reference, after all, it could be a pop tart reference... or maybe just toast... humans fear so many things after all... being different... death... being embarrassed... nudity... the unknown... new ideas... change... tomorrow... you never know what might happen tomorrow, after all... such fragile egos, such limited imaginations, such narrow tastes... but I enjoyed the pizza and football and not doing much of anything else just the same... and maybe there will be precognitives someday (and maybe there already are) who will be able to tell us what is going to happen so we can protect us from ourselves or something like that... and would we use the gifted to make our lives somehow better even if it meant stripping them of their human rights, restricting or taking away their freedom, and/or treating them like slaves or machines?... humans seem to be very good at justifying the sacrifice of the few for the supposed benefit of the many... the few, the proud, the so quickly dead...

well, maybe not all so proud...

do thoughts hurt?... if we really had as much respect for human life as we profess to or preach about, would we ignore the starving, would we finance bombs before research to cure disease, would we create new ways to control and kill people before we created comfort and peace and art, would we step over or look down upon a homeless person before we gave them a hug and a warm meal?... who asks?... who cares?...

and what is caring?...

maybe the entry that was lost would have been much better than this one... maybe it was... maybe it did not get off on as many tangents... and maybe it made more sense... one never knows what might have been, really... could have been... might be... but it makes for great stories sometimes...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)