we're getting there... to RealTime� that is... and to the few of you actually paying attention and noticing and reading it all, bless you and your entire clan for your kindness and interest... and to the note-leaving (including comments and emails and voicemails and any touches at all) few, yay for your existence and may you be regailed in splendor in the grass... most seriously, may all of your dreams come true... or at least one really important one... cuz you do raise me up, my spirits and heart and emotional being, with every word you point in my direction...

and just cuz an entry gets no comments or mention at all doesn't mean it's not been read, right?... some entries really have much lower self-esteem than others, silly entries...

did you miss the last one?...

or any of these?...

ok, enough begging to know you're out there, and suggestions that the last few entries and many others deserve a whole lot more attention, especially the narcissistic ones and most especially the narcissistic ones that are inspired by other people's lists of things about themselves (where?)... let's get into the ramblings from last night or the night before that found me in a rather good and giddy, if a bit distracted mood...

soon, coming to a diary near you, your very own personalized 202 Things, mostly based on your own ever so personal 101 Things that you painstakingly pondered for hours and days and years, even, to hone the 'tude and clarify the verbage so it most accurately represents you, the one and only person inside your head (and body, try not to forget)...

well, maybe not every one of you (unless, of course {anybody see the IDEA! bulb just go on in my head?} I create a diary specifically dedicated to 101 Things Lists {or whatever number you choose} and therein immortalize you in my own inimitable narcissistic way {evil ego, the whole world wide web isn't talking to just you, you know?... ego looks up from photos of me and laughs, certain that the whole omniverse, in fact, the whole ultiverse is specifically revolving around it's pea-brain}... are we still in a parentheses?... oh dear, this might be a rather irreverent entry... consider yourselves warned, especially you, dear Nicim {I will not tell you that I just typed Nini and corrected my fingers} cuz it sure does seem like I am in one heck of a slap-happy silly irreverent state of mind, dudnit?)...

I apologize most sarcastically for the previous paragraph, especially for the parentheses and egocentric influences, I don't know what could have come over me... other than the fact that I absolutely adore the inspiration for this particularly perculiar entry and trust her sense of humor to tolerant, even maybe enjoy my over-dramatic presentation, preganant pauses, and ridiculous asides as I tease myself and her about the information she is about to drag out of me... yes, it is all her fault, go blame her now...

and don't forget to point fingers...

shamefully, I continue... you may be happy to know, contrary to the precipitous flow of pre-ramble, that this entry is not going to be a completely free associative dipthong into the convoluted cranial matter loosely called my brain, but this entry will actually have a shape, form even, and the subject matter will be guided by, are you ready, yet another list of 101 Things...

the room clears as party-goers create exits that never existed before, kind of like in cartoons, if you can visualize my meaning...

well, now that we've eliminated all those who are not completely mad about me, I shall continue to lead up to the most wonderful person in the world (except for all of you, of course) and her 101 Things and my semi-response to it...

pause...

we interrupt this pause for a message for posterity...

Dear Posterity,

I know it's been quite a while since I even acknowledged your existence without silly irreverence or some other egocentric distraction, but I've got a feeling this may be the start of a return, maybe... in any case, what I am trying to make clearer, for you, dear posterity, is that there are 1 2 and now 3 Things Lists based on other people's Things Lists and the fourth is in progress, inspired by nicim's 101 Things (that, in some strange way, balances the relatively total egocentric narcissism of the 1 2 3 101 Things I was inspired to do by these and other 101 Things out there)... and just as I was starting to introduce and about to get into actually creating that new (fourth) 202 Things based on nicim's 101 Things, the following interruption came along... now that you understand, I'll return to the original interruption of the interruption... for posterity, of course...

sincerely, me

huh?... what was that?... oh, yeah, a pause...

ah, brief interruption from the working class...

as if it wasn't obvious enough, the DON of this hospital is retaliating against staff who ratted her out for unethical and unfair (and probably downright illegal) practices and since I was party to the meetings in which her unprofessional behavior was discussed, she probably tried to get to me in her recent suspend the few good staff for any reason you can find caper... unfortunately for her, my Ps and Qs are in better order than most (we can hope) and she doesn't get much chance to get in my business...

tonight, however, she left word that "she doesn't want you over here"...

how rude

what that means is, well, a bit of background...

for the past ten days or so, since I was asked to, I've been covering a 1:1 kid for another staff... at night, when a kid is on 1:1 status, you're basically stuck sitting at his/her door all night and have to call another staff over just to step away from the door, stretch your legs, go to the bathroom or get a drink or take any sort of break... since I don't mind sitting (mostly because I have the computer, but if they decide to take that I love to read and will go back to reading... I might grumble a bit more about not having enough writing time, but more I can live happily reading all night and it would be all night because I'd stop doing all the extra work I do for the hospital on the computer and than a few directors in this hospital would not be happy because they'd have more work to do that would take them a lot more time than it takes me simply because they are not proficient on the computer... isn't that sad?... anyway, back to the story of our ridiculously power tripping DON) in one place most or all night, I had no problem when the staff asked me to trade off since she likes to keep moving...

so tonight I am told that the DON doesn't want me covering the 1:1 anymore... no explanation, just "she doesn't want you over here anymore" passed along by a co-worker from Elpien who was told by the Shift Charge who claimed it was the DON's decision... such efficient passing of the buck has not been seen in corporate America since the Nixon White House... so I wait for another staff to come over to the doorway and pack up my computer and head over to the other hallway, no problem...

now when I get back over there I find Berry alone in the hallway, which is a practice administration seems to rountinely overlook and ignore because when we do bring it up they all agree it should not happen... one staff alone in a hallway with 15 or 20 or 25 pyschiatric patients is not a safe move and is against legal ratios which are 6:1 at night and 4:1 during waking hours... unfortunately, this is one of Elpien's issues, her refusal to do her share of the workload... she is counted in the ratio but never does rounds and almost always sits behind the plexiglass enclosed nurse's station out of earshot and visual view... she'll claim she does her share and comes out any time we ask her to, but we should not have to ask her to and she definitely has no business leaving one staff in the hallways when all she's doing back there is reading or playing her Gameboy (which are technically not allowed in this hospital, but administration has overlooked hand held Gameboys for a while now)...

alas, we have accepted Elpien as lazy and avoiding any movement type work (I didn't at first, which is why she targeted me as a bad guy at first, but I gave into Berry and Bert and others who enable her because they didn't realize they were doing it at first and would not listen to me at the time because she had them convinced I was a bad guy... eventually her manipulations revealed themselves and I let it go and Berry now tries to keep some distance between them because she realizes how she was manipulated and used... Berry has a big heart...

anyway, I'll probably not even inquire about the reasons for the DON's decision and if asked to go over to the other unit I'll simply repeat what i was told, she [the DON] does not want me over there and let her clarify her position if she did not actually mean what was passed along to me... it's ridiculous in many ways, but sometimes the only way to teach someone how ridiculous they are is to do what they tell you to do...

we all had a good laugh over it, in spite of the fact that the timing (tonight is Berry and Elpien's first night back from suspension) was most likely to provoke unpleasantness and play a power trip... that is the DON's style, very personally vindictive... she's told one staff that she was getting written up because "your peers complained you were not written up"... very professional and not in the least inciting animosity between staff, at least not from her well-educated perspective..

this is the same DON who was moved off the unit because she couldn't handle the pressure of doing a nursing job on the units... she called at least two meetings to throw a pity-party for herself because people were not greeting her upon her arrival with the fanfare she apparently wanted ("Hello" or Good Morning" was not good enough, apparently... yes, the woman has serious emotional issues and yes, she is the Director of Nursing for a Psychiatric Hospital... and they wonder why staff retention and moral is so low... those of us who stay have the kind of sense of humor that digests stupidity and realizes the kids need us to put up with administration or there'll be no stability here at all)...

now where were we?...

ah yes, this was to be the seventh in a line of Things List Entries (a whole new genre is born, huh?... well, I've been pondering a little more organization here behind the candoor since there are more than a thousand entries and most are missed by anyone who's not been around here for years because, after all, who has time to read back that many words and some entries are pure crap so the few good ones are lost in the shuffle... I'd really appreciate any help you care to give in identifying entries you'd think should be remembered, highlighted, even... drop me a note or email or just make a quick call if you want to hear my voice and read the page name over the phone (if I'm not there, just leave a message or call back)...

I wonder if anyone realizes the personal importance of that request for feedback that was slipped in rather hurriedly into an otherwise scattered entry...

huh?...

ummm, apparently this entry will be a pre-list entry as it's definitely rambled on too long to be the pre-ramble above a 202 Things list (those things get kind of long without a distracting pre-ramble like this, after all) which, I suppose, will be the next entry... or one of the next entries, I mean, just as soon as it's done... some people have been known to work for weeks on one of those 101 Things, but not me...

mine can take years...

silly me...

actually, I'd have gotten a lot more writing done if I stayed over on the other unit as a 1:1 because there'd be nothing else to do and no one to talk to and no distractions, but roll with the flow and in fact, I like the idea of being back here on my base unit on Berry's first night back... even if it means you get fewer words...

oh no, say it ain't so...

anyway, I see you all lining up out there to be the next victim of my madcap new invention.. feel free to submit yourself, or at least your 101 Things (or however many you've got) to my teasing, taunting, and sarcastic scrutiny at your own peril... you do, of course, have final cut on any such entry I create from your lists, but why would you want to cut anything, I mean I've already been circumsized, after all... I promise to take my time and give your submissives as much tender loving care as you'd assuredly give mine...

did I mention I love you for being out there and therein proving I exist and have some worthwhile purpose in this world today?...

yes, well, ummmm...

thank you J

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)