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2004-10-12 - 10:45 p.m. ignorance is only bliss when you don't know about it I am still reading (and re-reading) these quotes, some of which I want to find time to research, to ascertain context and corroboration, for some chill my bones much more that I'd like my bones to be chilled... no wonder why I ignore the human culture outside of my own daily life and written explorations, it's tripping insane out there... and somewhere inside a voice wonders who cares?... and I know you do, and some of you show it... though do any of us show it in ways that truly make a difference, that truly change any of the insanity that is human self-destruction?... I suppose we do not take it seriously enough in our daily lives to really live in ways and do the things that would make the difference... perhaps I should just speak for myself... there is not enough time for thought (again) tonight... I slept long today, but restlessly as the body has not exercised in some days and the living environment is quite noisy and unhealthy these days... I wake to find a few dozen freshly baked cookies sitting on the stove... and wonder just where my will power might have gone... it's here at the moment, my will power I mean, and I shall walk past the cookies and go to work without putting anything in my mouth tonight... I have oatmeal in my bag if I get hungry at work (though the past two nights I have not had time to stop and prepare or eat the oatmeal and returned home somehow devoid of will power and consumed massive quantities of canned pasta and creme cookies and fudge and ice cream (though I skipped the ice cream today)... indulging my taste buds and psychological hunger is not what this body needs to bring it back to optimal energy levels and conscious awareness... and yet, a voice inside rather blankly says as neither a perogative or interrogative, who cares... you do, I know... and in your way you bring light into the dark aspects of my mind... and through your words you touch my heart and inspire moments of reflection and inspiration... I still fly and beam and grin my giggling grins at times (I hope that comes out in the words somewhere, somehow)... but I am ignoring fundamental life habits too often these days and allowing those I live with the lead me along a path of self-destruction... it is not their fault, they choose their path and I choose mine... I might choose this same path on my own (if I lived alone), however that has not been the pattern of behavior for me in this lifetime... I have lost (or am ignoring) my balance lately... and these words confront this fact and challenge me to readjust my position and reconsider my behavior... it is easy to see what is right upon just waking for I wake reborn and without the weight of subconscious or environmental baggage... and while Rasputin sits a few feet away farting and eating chocolate chip cookies that Precious baked tonight, I remember I bought that package of ready-to-bake cookie dough... and I am going to work...
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