what, who me?... where is a relative concept based on the illusion of a finite space time continuum that string theory and string cheese tend to make irrelevent, especially on the internet where there are many wheres relative to many whens and your when is different each time you visit my when yet we are both here together now even though we are in two different wheres...

whereas, the party of the first part...

sometimes a thought comes to mind in fragments and may not be completed before the fingers start spilling it out by pressing keys, but I don't think you can sue me even if I say, euphemistically, so sue me since there is no intent to harm or conscious negligence that i know of, only the random ramblings of a mind not yet fully developed (most likely far from it) in dire hunger for attention and respect (so why act the fool?) and all the good stuff that positive interactions with others is supposed to be about... or so I've heard, somewhere...

there's a place for us...

meanwhile I seem to be getting in the habit of moving my bowels immediately upon getting home from work which is new and most likely due to the positive change in eating habits, that is eating smaller meals and eating a meal or two at work (instead of the huge one meal a day diet I used to live) so anyway, the gym is delayed a bit as I bring the laptop along to occupy time (some people read magazines or book, I write)... at the moment the desktop computer is downloading a ton of email I probably will never see before I delete (the DLand addresses do not go through that path, they come here to the laptop where there is a good probability they will be read and responded to, though the SPAM is getting bad here too lately... there oughta be a law) and running Spybot to clean off the crap Precious may have downloaded as I found it rebooted this morning (though that might also be due to a brief power failure)... this laptop is not able to defrag itself, probably because I've had too many windows open for too long and so it's probably time to shut it down and run scan disk a few dozen times until it works again... and the gym waits until I am done, but at least I get some computer maintenance stuff taken care of (and you get to read this extra rambling, lucky you, huh?)...

I heard it takes a village to raise a child...

and a strange one must have raised me cuz I don't seem to fit in anywhere (and don't really think I want to, at least not anywhere I've been already, cuz the games people play now, every hour of the day now, never meaning what they say now, never saying what they mean... if you know what I mean)... the cliquish high school behaviors continue at work, sad as that seems since the manager has been aware of it (but pretends ignorance well) for several months... more people are noticing it and coming to be to tell me they will speak up about it if I need them, but that's the irony, I don't empower the negativity and so can tolerate it around me even when it is aimed at me... I appreciating the caring and concern of others though, and the validation they offer that the clique is in the wrong with their childish behaviors... apparently they are speading rumors about me again... one rumor claims I am gay... I suppose they are trying to stir up homophobic sentements with that one... another rumor says I am obsessed with one of the young girls... that seems to be the excuse for their attempts to ostracize me... they do not seem to see that the two rumors are mutually exclusive, ya know, incompatible, illogical, and proof in and of themselves that they are just trash talking in an attempt to emasculate and undermine me in the eyes of others... what they don't realize is I've got loyal peers in the hospital who are seeing through their games and are more upset with the rumors than I am... I tell them to laugh along with me, what goes around comes around, and the sources of negativity will not be able to fool anyone for long so don't worry, be happy (heck, be gay if ya like)...

or be odd, even...

meanwhile, it is time to head out to the gym and so I'll conclude this random assortment of thoughts and when I get back, maybe I'll actually upload this entry and complete the entries that were started but not uploaded the past few days... after all, you miss me and I don't want you going through withdrawals for too long, right?...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)