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2006-12-09 - 4:16 a.m. head medicine I woke this morning feeling refreshed and excited because, for a change, I slept almost sight hours and was taking an extra two hours for myself and found a few wonderful inspirations online and then...
I take a shower take in the sense of experiencing them it's not like I took them anywhere when I will face my final hour I hope to be satisfied just in case there is more after I died I don't want to be sorry for the things I haven't done I don't want to be unhappy for missing out on fun I don't want to be there, somewhere else looking back and laughing at myself for the foolish fears that stopped me before I'd begun I rest my head I type my story story in the sense of my experience it's not all just made up in my mind if in the end there is no glory I hope to be satisfied just in case there's nothing after I died I don't want to be spending my last breathable moments regretting a series of denials and postponements that make up the life I must call mine I don't want to feel I wasted time it's the wrong time to make meaningful atonements I want to say take me as I am and be proud of the way I always took a stand for what I believe in honesty without harm I don't want some magic wand or a tainted lucky charm I want to say I'm ready to go and be satisfied when all I did and know so I take every moment and give it all I've got just in case the great hereafter is not I take a break I take a lesson adding one more moment of experience to a life of living each moment and I will face death without guessing because I will be satisfied I live to be alive, not to have died I live to be alive and not to die may you enjoy the moments of your life being completely where you are, focused on the moment and the pleasure in and around you... and may you find ways of exercising your mind and body so it can process the crap our processed world puts through it... and may you take something from your visits with me that has some worth in your life so you don't feel you're wasting any of your time... my head feels mostly better now :)
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