I am sometimes haunted by this song... I just took some time and looked around the web for a midi or mps for the song, but I found nothing I could save or link directly... the best I could find was a tribute with the song embedded in the page...

it's all her fault, this moment of haunting, and renewed and intensified by the fact that 50 First Dates (which is where this haunting was renewed as the song is part of the soundtrack) was on again tonight and Rasputin chose to leave it on as he nodded off on the couch so I was absorbed and melted (this film has had this effect on me with increasing intensity each time I see it, which would be about five or six times now... it is rapidly becoming a must have film for my collection and Drew Barrymore continues to rise in my I wish she was my friend dreams... as does Adam Sandler, in spite of {or perhaps with the influence of} his home-made song-writing, but anyway...) again... the initial spark for this current haunting meltdown can be found in this entry by her, which has been open and waiting for my more focused attention and response for a few days now (along side this entry by her and the next page I intended to visit in my travels {that paused yesterday or thereabouts} which, coincidentally or not, would tied right into this nostalgic melt down by reminding me of the time I was Canadian)... dammitall to sighs (don't bother looking it up, I just coined that expression and you were the first to read it, lucky you, aye?)...

"All I know is that I loved her once...it stayed with me all my life...and it colored everything."

to love someone so much that you devote your life to their happiness (because acting on that devotion is the essence of creating your own happiness) is the most profoundly simple and pure and unconditional and desirable love I can imagine, most especially when it is mutually and equally shared...

yeah...

the other day I read about a girl in Wales who can not allow herself to shed a tear because, due to exposure to a toxic corrosive chemical, her tears (or a drop of rain water) actually burn her skin... it is the acidity in the tears and rain water that does it... I am, especially at this moment of mushy emotions, very happy I do not have this girl's affliction...

ah, what would we do without the sweet (and spooky) mysteries of life and the momentary distractions then can provide...

but seriously, thank you, my dear inspirations of the moment (and the internet for providing you and the laptop for holding on while a lot of windowsa remain open and other things take CPU and RAM and video memory and Raspy for the film selection and Drew and Adam and all the people who worked on the film and the energies of the universes for whatever role you may have played in the emotional bath, for it is a pleasure to feel...

speaking of inspirations who've inspired my heart to feel, I wish mcearstix would touch base with us... it has been a few months, almost... and I know I am not the only one who can say - I miss her entries... so I send caring nurturing tickling vibs in the hope she's having as much fun as she can wherever she is roaming and any challenges she faces are dissolving into the ether of a creative life... survive, heal, live, love, create...

and thank you for that sighing distraction...

and all apparently far away (in relative physical spaces with close enough to make physical contact being the touch by which this particular far away is measured) mysteries aside, right here and now my watery eyes are tickling my deepest smiles for missing sharing the feeling is a necessary step in the right direction, the right direction being returning to the physical actuality of sharing the feelings in the same above measure of physical spaces... the loneliness (and haunting) is depressing as long as the desires are repressed, supressed, depressed... the experience becomes positive and wonderful and inspiring when the loneliness (and haunting) are felt and expressed (the more openly and honestly, the better)... when will we ever learn?...

and I must see the bigger picture (and starting coloring it in... who loves Mike Scott and the Waterboys?) as the influence of reaching out on a meet-new-people type site has painted the background for this... and perhaps K.D. Lang's Hymns of the 49th Parallel as well as Neil Young's After the Gold Rush continues to play in the background in my head, now alternating with The Cure... and further in the bigger picture background music, Shamanic Dream II by Anugama... but still the moment is bathed in the simple and haunting melody that flows around the words...

and

I know you're out there somewhere (and while we're at it, who loves Justin Hayward, John Lodge, and the Moody Blues... can the power of Harry Chapin be far behind?)... you must remember this (fundamental things, ya know)...

Tickle says they have 20,000,000 members... that's twenty million... surely I can find a local partner in crime among twenty million members, right?... let's see...

I'd like a sex partner cuz satisfying myself is fine, but I miss sharing an intimate physical relationship with someone who cares to learn my passions for the flesh and openly honestly fearlessly shares her own... and I'd like a partner in physical fitness and health, because I tend to slide into a few not so healthy habits when I am around people with unhealthy habits for too long... and I'd like a partner who likes to play games cuz I love to play games (not head-messing type games, I mean card and board and physical sports games)... and I'd like a partner who shares a love of music and words, listening, reading, writing, and creating as intense and expansive as I do... and I'd like a true friend who is like me, not afraid of roller coasters (whether they are emotions or physical rides) and, in fact, thrives on the experiences that inspire feeling in this life (vastly preferring the positive and seeking only those harmless as possible), complete unto herself and yet nurturing an insatiable desire to share and care and love, and still, as a young child, open and honest and actually living in the moment with nothing at all to hide... and someone who loves the haunting too...

and now (suddenly?), perhaps as a way to dive into anywhere but deeper into the lonelies (sub and unconscious pacing is essential in these mostly conscious free-falls and this is where unconditional trust of self keeps the creative process flowing and the experience as positive as possible and there's always hope that this makes sense to you), I add Pennywise to the music mix (it was next in the current stack) as I put on my headphones and turn up Land of the Free?... it's a different haunting, but still, the love connects everything, even if we do not understand it all (wanna know a secret?... we can, if we want to)... I remember riots in the streets and hope we don't have to go there again to wake human consciousness enough to rise to another level of actualizing love and fairness and what is right... you can only realize if you open up your eyes...

penny wise and pound foolish?...

...everything is in the eye of the beholder

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)