well that was not very planned, was it?... I intended to do a lot more writing the past weekend, and cleaning, and running... and I did some cleaning, a little writing, and much blanding into my surroundings (which means couch-potato-ing) because I respond to those around me in my immediate environment, especially to the call for nurturing from those who do not yet have the means to do it all for themselves... and my shoulders may have gotten a little more hunched, because that is the norm and no matter how much I may know better, the laws of physics (and perhaps psychology, if it exists) demand retribution (or at least some modicum of compliance) in the end and the unaware vegetable that exists in my brain (doesn't everybody have one, at least?) blindly joins the flow...

yes, gravity makes for strange bedfellows...

conclusions are only important if you get them, or when... in the meantime, you can watch reruns of your favorite TV shows or movies on the hundreds of channels pouring into your space every moment... it's a wonder there is any room life for your energy in your space, huh?... and as we sit back munching on the latest snack craze, nurturing our fat cells and not wondering why we are feeling less and less of anything and more and more of nothing... numb is easy... no responsibilities... no commitments... just munch and watch and forget everything... nothing else matters...

damned by the negativity...

I don't expect anyone to actually catch all of my references, no less understand all of my words, no less the multi-layered meanings I insert, intentionally and unintentionally in and between the lines... rotten apples?... sour grapes?... indecisive conclusions?... pitiful waste?... where has this rock and roll journey taken me now?...

just don't say I'm damned for all time... unless, of course, you are sure beyond belief (and if you thought that should read beyond doubt, you are still on square one and haven't even rolled the dice, but that's ok, because it's quite acceptible and even considered right by the masses to judge without participating, I mean, the very role and definition of the word is to divide from the outside, to supposedly keep objectivity, but seriously {for this moment}, what good is objectivity without actual real knowledge or experience?)...

yeah, right...

whatever happened to the boring daily life diary that was here?... could it be it was replaced by some boring philosophical rambling?... or maybe that is what all of the babbling is about anyway... or maybe just it is just a momentary anomaly... in any case, I fell asleep during the last entry and left the one before with the feeling of it being incomplte and unfinished because I have no idea what the point was except to dig deeper into my psyche and give you more of who I am in my own rambling free-associative way... maybe the reason for this particular paragraph is because I am still stuck there wondering if it worked (cuz it's all the same time, relative to now, after all)...

so what did it become in your mind?...

the words written here are my roll of the dice, my attempt to participate in the communication process... your reading is your attempt and should you roll the dice, back, word... be my brother, sister, friend, lover, passionate stranger, or stay part of the great unknown, the path you choose is your choice... maybe you dream of singing the National Anthem in front of thousands of screaming fans (who may or may not be there to hear you and instead are glancing at their watches while waiting in line for snacks to munch on as they watch the game), but did you ever really listen to yourself and try to find the meaning in the words?... or do you just like the fireworks and forget what they really represent?...

even blood disappears into the ground...

whether the rain that washes you away are your own tears or the pressure of the years or your inner fears or other people's jeers or just the random flow running off from wherever, everything passes... time, if it exists, absorbs everything... and whether it matters or not in the end, whatever the end might be, or even ever, all we can do is the best we can do to experience and enjoy and make the most of and share this moment, each moment, for that is all there is... lest you pretend otherwise...

I will be here when you get here...

but where will you be?

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)