well, apparently I don't rock any worlds, at least not on a Monday night... some time this week I will upload the entry I wrote last night at work, another entry dedicated to (or at least mocking) my belly... somewhere in it I reflect on how I, being me and living at my energy level, buzz around like someone in a different time line, kind of like that episode of Star Trek, the original, when Spock had to get revved up to deal with a species that lived in accelerated time... as opposed to the more recent retrieval of time done by Hermione with that pendant McGonagle gave her, it is not time travel, but existing at a higher energy level...

this is just one reason people usually look at me like I'm really weird... I mean, when I start talking... my appearance just gets the surface weird glances and occasional stares from sheltered innocents... or people waiting for buses at train stations...

anyway, there were two entries written at work last night and they will wait for later in the week because this entry is taking precedent as I write it... stepping out and running (yes, you heard right) this morning definitely influenced my mood... see, where I live when I am me is in a mindset where anything is possible, but enough about me, this entry is about some of you...

there are some amazing people out there writing diaries and they have inspired the following words... they did it all by themselves, without any help from carrier pidgeons (or walters) or the the odd aardvark that may inadvertently stop by...

wouldn't it be a beautiful world if we could just be honest and open about what we need and good caring kind people who have what we need and don't need it themselves would just give it to us and then we, in return, can give some of what they might need more than we do back to them when they have the need?... that's the kind of world I want to live in...

so I am counting my pennies (literally) to see how much I can help... this is a secret, so don't tell her, no really don't...

see, a certain beautiful loving caring person wants to become an EMT so she can help people, seriously help people at their time of greatest need, as much as she already helps little critters today... I was an EMT myself in a previous life (or so it seems, but it was actually during my mispent youth in the Army... yes, the US Army) and at the moment, funds are too low and banks and governments are too cheap to help out... so I'm gonna help... I'm gonna give till it hurts (then I'll need an EMT)...

anybody out there up for it?...

now all my irreverent teasing and silliness aside, I will match any donation or loan to the augustdreams EMT fund... who knows, someday I might need CPR and she might be sent out to save me... or another EMT who was helped by someone else...

you, maybe...

now she's proud, so I'll have to hold her down and force her, wait, that's another fantasy... I mean, I'll call the school myself if I have to cuz she's likely to try to refuse the help (shhhh, don't tell her, she might sic her fierce menagerie on me)...

I know, seriousness is not always easy for me... but really truly seriously, I am gonna try to help out with half (I think the total tuition is $600), so just need a few hundred more will get our dear August in school in October... dollars, fives, tens, (any rich people out there?), anything will help... who cares?...

I do (how about you?)...

if you realize that I am not joking and really want to help, call me or send whatever you can (my address is on the left... checks payable to Ric Candor if a check is easier than a money order)... I'll post a scan of the receipt from the school and give you all the applause and credit your deserve (or let you remain anonymous, if you prefer)... you'll be famous!... you'll be anonymous!...

your choice!...

I hope you take this seriously if you can help...

it's not as if we're asking you to help with a sex change operation or a new wardrobe for a cocker spaniel... yes, it's time for a segue... another amazing DLander inspires me to want to shout his name to you all today...

some of you may remember luciangrey from when he updated here at DLand... he's always been inspiring for me and now, more than ever, he is amazing... it's a little sad to read myself saying that some one is amazing just for standing up and being who they are, yet with the world as prejudiced and ignorant as it is, it is amazing for someone to be themselves and to find a way (and a place in this world) where they can be accepted as who they are... his story is inspiring... and his life and how he lives it proves that there is hope in this world, yay!...

and then came Gump...

freaking gump, he really sucks... I mean, he hits me when I least expect it with some profound madness that seems written for me in some code that only I can understand... I mean, look:

wow, your finger is so deep... it should write more, give the world your finger... no seriously, profound digit, don't give up, know you are loved, your brothers will support you (they have to, you're taped to them)... but wait, I mean it, this entry had me in tears (real tears, not those store bought shiney ones)... I've been there (lost without my love) and broken (no finger can plug this dyke) and bleeding all over the world, don't they know?... and everyone just smiles and walks by... where is my hero?... my savior?... my groupie?... my partner in crime?... I know I have it in me, to go where the brave dare not go, to reach the unreachable star, to tilt at windmills... this entry moved me, I want to mock it and take away it's power and yet, I only mock myself... strip me naked and humiliate me back to my senses, I am blitzed... you suck, no, I suck, no, we all suck... the world sucks... it's lonely in the abyss... can I get high now?

that's what he did to me, I mean, that's the comment his entry inspired... and who knows when he is serious and when he is gumping?... it's insidious, I tell you, insidious... he's got black magic, and other colors too... it gets all muddy when you mix them together, but if you mix them just right you get a rainbow at night, yes, that's right, a night time rainbow...

and they said it couldn't be done...

his brain needs to be preserved in the Smithsonian... his finger deserve a Nobel Prize in something... a new category, the Nobel Prize For Gumpography... the Gump Award for Crooked Finger Pointing... was he born in a pickle jar?... was he raised in a fruitcake?... preserved in mayonnaise?... refried?... nobody knows the true origins of the gump, the only thing we can be sure of is he is freaking...

freaking gump...

there are dozens of entries in his sinister portfolio that deserve equal or much more impressive accolades and awards and prizes and applause and aphrodisiacs and rooty toot tooting than this meager offering I put before you now...

but beware, they are dangerous... they will suck you in, make you feel like they are written just for you, give you a false sense of security, of wonder, of excitement, of lust and positronic emmisions, and then, BAM! POW! SMASH! just like in cartoons, he's got you, you're mashed potatoes, you're spaghetti squash, you're an avocado, pitted, and chilled... and there's no turning back, there's no resisting, there's corporate America and there's Gump and you must decide between the two because he's got you fooled that there are two, but there are not two, there is only one and we are he and he is we and they are us and he is the eggman (and I am the walrus) and there are millions of them, millions I tell you, and they're coming... they're coming to take you away, ah ha!...

and then, all the stars go out and the rainbow appears...

it's a pretty rainbow with flowers in her hair going to San Fracisco, at least, and I want to be all so ever selfish and sit and stare at it as if it was a happy drug and all the world was right as rain and wonderful and beautiful and just the way I'd always wished it would be with people sharing and living in peace...

yes, imagine...

but this entry is is not just a wish for how the world should be, it is somehow grounded in the reality of daily life and the world as well... and suddenly, as if someone poked teeny tiny holes in the sky, I look up and see hope shining brightly from the stars...

I step away from DLand for a moment to find that dangit, I am a week late with this (but I just found him)... one more amazing person keeping an online journal...

archer hit the bullseye with his heart last week... he's donating one dollar for each comment left on his journal last week) and he's got over three thousand comments... some commenters are pledging to help by donating 1% of whatever the total is as it's climbed into the thousands of dollars...

I'm gonna help him too...

and as if syncronicity was not bringing enough connections to me, I am intrigued by his book and website, which appears to be a game based on a most thought-provoking premise...

you are heterosexual?... what if the majority of people in the world were gay and there was a strong prejudice against heterosexuality?... think you'd still be heterosexual?...

after playing it, I found my profile:

Sex	Male
Level of Safety	Trouble doesn't know your address.
Socialization	Even people who don't know you think you're cool.
Relationship Status	Thing are okay. Sex is good.
Realness	You know who you are, and only hide it when absolutely necessary.
Sensitivity	You can almost sense emotions through the air.
Overall Happiness	You can't believe you're lucky enough to have such a fantastic life.
Out to Friends	Yes
Out to Family	Yes
Out at Work	Yes
Partnered	Yes

all this goes to prove is that you can know all the right answers, believe in them, and even live your life by them and still not have a life turn out as good as it should be, theoretically and all... what goes around may come around, but it can take a while and seem like forever before it does...

anyway, my character has a wonderful life...

I should only be so lucky J

it is still a fantastic idea and I applaud archer (and am gonna buy his book and help him with that enormous donation he's making... if you want to help too, write him or me and feel great about yourself... be inspired, be inspiring)...

every one mentioned in this entry touched me deeply, profoundly, in the most important places inside... I relate in my own odd way to their entries, their journeys, and their wonder...

I'd like to call each of them my friend...

and you, my dear readers, I hope you find some worth in your reading of my babbling and just as much, I hope you find some worth in reading the people I link... sometimes I skim along the cyber waters like a, well, skimming stone and I irreverently mention someone who's words amused me or touched me... usually I don't actually take the time to dig in deeper, to give the people I link the attention and energy they deserve...

I mean no disrespect, I just don't want to feel as alone as I am and when I let myself feel deeply, get to the core and be touched there by your words, I realize that while on the ethereal level I am not alone, we are all here and sharing in so many different ways... but on the physical spaces cuddling up sleeping with sharing intimacy and most importantly, sharing hope and dreams and secrets of daily life I am so very much alone... without a partner, life is a very lonely ride...

and every now and then an entry reminds me...

freaking gump...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)