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2005-03-29 - 6:12 p.m. for you this entry is the culmination of reading some of your entries and also the notes and other words meant for me... there is this big space here: and someday every thought may be completed until then
sometimes I get pleasantly surprised to find out there are real people out there reading this... I know, it's stupid to even pretend I can forget that I get notes regularly from some of you dear readers and it may well be some sort of self-pity trip to let myself feel lonely and alone and longing for love and attention... and probably pretty pathetic to beg for it as I do from time to time (at least I'd like to think it's only from time to time... shall I clear my throat or shall you?... well, I wouldn't want us to choke on the giggle or, for that matter, lose our balance rolling our eyes too far back in our heads... ya know?)... but (you knew a but was coming, didntcha?)... there are moments when I feel the aloneness of living inside this body all by myself (yes, in spite of the voices and apparent characters, I unfortunately know that I am just one individual being in here) and I long for the ultimate (impossible) intimacy of being one with another being... it is just at these moments that a note from one of you might come along and shoot straight through all the irreverence and silliness and cynicism and myriad of mazes and mirrors that make up my written world (that somehow, somewhere, may even lead to me someday) to stop me in my tracks and turn off all the stupid human tricks and let me bask in the wonderful awareness that we are all in this together and we are only as alone as we feel and then, I don't feels so alone... so thank you for your notes and every other way you reach out and touch me, for letting me know you are there is one of the excitements that shine the light of hope and happiness on my day... yes, I get still excited with every single word you send... goofy or not, that's the way it is... and I like it being this way just fine... I hope you had fun today too, and if not, if for any reason you found a challenge between your and your smile, I hope you know I am here caring about you and if I can in any way help, I want to J a heavy load wasted and wandering on a lost road if you are just lonely if you are unhappy there's no need to panic you can call I will try if you just if you just there's no reason to fear for I am your friend yes I am your friend being a friend, caring for you so call me corny or sappy to show you the ways I can love you ok, so maybe the big show biz Broadway finish is a little much... or not J
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