or is that foiled... well, perhaps both in different ways... or maybe the same... anyway, I could be referring to the body, which visited the gym again recently... or about the recent visit to the doctor for an annual physical check-up that reminded me about how my taste buds and decadent habits are interfering with the fulfillment of some other cravings... or I could be projecting future events at work, but that would be more paranoid than I'd like to be today... or I could be talking about ego who believed millions of fans were waiting with baited breath for my next word, but then, ego is an idiot, so I don't take what he says too seriously... or I could be talking about the President and world affairs, but then, I haven't heard the news in weeks, at least, so I'd just be guessing there (even if it's a good bet)... or I could be talking about my fantasy baseball leagues that I do not have time for... or I could be thinking about the aluminum foil that I forgot to buy on my shopping trip this morning... or about the Krispy Kreme stop I made afterwards cuz the donut place is right next door to the doctor...

or...

anyway, it is later than we think (and several days after the date at the top, but we're running behind again, so bear with the timelessness and if it confuses you, then maybe you're better suited for RealTime� where I may appear slightly more normal...

I dragged this body to the gym again this morning (in about the sixteenth hour of being awake)... in a strange twist of fate (most likely brought on by the exercise), I woke on my own earlier than usual yesterday (workout buzz, or brain asking "am I going to die?" like some dumb garden gnome or something I suppose, aye?) and vegged with Precious for a while watching music videos on Fuse-TV (her favorite channel these days) and some other junk we've seen before like the world's greatest pranks or something...

then I showered and got ready for work...

after work was the annual physical (doctor) appointment, for which I was a good little zombie... I didn't drink any coffee or hot chocolate (or eat anything) or even water so I could record the best weight and blood pressure I could (cheating the doctor, now that spells idiot m-o-o-n, of course right)...

anyway, this body is one pound up since the last visit 6 months ago and the BP was 118 over 78, so doctor was happy about the BP... though blood test results made her frown again... something about liver enzymes elevated for the past year and this time the blood sugar is slightly higher than it should be... she says that it is probably the weight (I'm carrying around an extra few dozen pounds these days) and diet and lack of exercise, so my homework is to do something about it and we'll check again in four months... good doctor... she has a really good guilt-ridden motherly stare...

so I stop at Krispy Kreme (doh) and got two dozen instead of one cuz last time other people ate nine of the dozen donuts I bought... what?... oh, I thought you said something... and then I stop at the supermarket and get food... some decadent, some salad... hey, it's a beginning... though I didn't eat the salad I bought last week cuz I forgot I put it in the crisper drawer... maybe I should put the shopping list online... if I had a scanner... though public ridicule has little or no effect on me in most cases, being that I am such a self-contained idiot...

throat clearing noises...

I call myself idiot with much love, you know... and laughter, good deep loving laughter... but not frivolous laughter, oh no, sit is very serious laughter... with intermittent sighs... and the occasional deep breath, throat clearing stern look of one who knows what the baby steps toward suicide look like and find, looking down with an aww shucks and a slight inward turn of the toes, that the footprints left in the sand just behind the feet look much like them... baby steps toward suicide, sounds like a new band...

so for the record (which belongs elsewhere, as we well know, but maybe putting it here will help, so for now), the numbers did not improve, but considering it was the second day in a row and I was drained from lack of food, fluid, and sleep, 516 calories and 2.76 miles in 30 minutes might be ok if I wasn't me...

it's not as if I am sick or feeling poorly... I just have high standards for myself and my doctor knows it so she puts the little variances in tests in my face... with a really good guilt-ridden motherly stare, of course... I think I'll be fine, in fact, much better, if I drop say... thirty pounds... better yet, forty... the trouble (for the doctor and the tests) is that it's all in the torso, neck, and face, so therefore around the organs, and therefore elevating results that pertain to the organs... fatty liver, or something like that...

spiking in poundage (you'll just have to translate into kilograms, stones, or whatever weight measure you use yourself this time) I was 189 just before the hurricanes in 2004... dang hurricanes... I was getting to the gym five times a week, at least, back then... reminiscing for a moment, I was 162 when I first came down to Florida... I was 147 on the bike trip through Michigan and Wisconsin some years before that (I was fifteen, I think)... the normal books charts and graphs say I should be in the 180s, I think... people don't believe I am over 220 these days... of course I slide in at the doctor's office at 219 this morning, but I did cheat (shhhh)...

yes, ok, seriously (huh?):

200 by Thanksgiving
190 by Christmas
180 by, ummm, by next year some time...

good goals, I suppose (blockquoted, even), but heck if I have much incentive to take them seriously... I mean I don't, these days... now if it was a matter of holding up this body (resisting gravity, that is) as I passionately kissed, licked, caressed, stroked, and fondled a libido fantasy girl so as not to crush the poor dear (or babe, as Smash would say... you know I keep inserting him into this because I am trying to get his attention because he needs me to keep him from sailing off the deep end and I need him to remind me not to... or maybe I just like poking him cuz he's the other brother I never knew... anyway, he gets it, if nobody else does, cuz, well, just cuz)... powerful force, libido, too bad so few understand or accept it honestly... and a voice somewhere in my head laughs and asks, remember push ups and sit ups?...

incentive, motivation, etcetera... it is not all about sex, but in these physical bodies, sex certainly helps... a lot... take my word for it if you have any doubts... I mean, there are other things to do with the body, but most can be enjoyed (even optimally, almost) when carrying around a few dozen extra pounds as most Americans do (I've become a typical American in this regard... normal, maybe... somebody contact norml and get an intervention going or something)...

anyway, it's an option... and as far as motivators go, sex and pot have always worked well for me... even better when combined... I must be having a flashback or something, maybe some LSD would help... of course I'd want to be in much more optimal condition to put Timothy Leary back into this body (no, no, no, no he's only outside looking in... and a doctor, no less), you know, so there'd be less chance of dying and all ... see, incentive, motivation, etcetera... and you thought drugs were just for fun...

so here's another entry that started as a RealTime� entry and just grew too big for the parameters of that brief history of life as I know it blog... maybe that's why it's chock full of personal real-life details that might not ordinarily appear in the rambles here and yet, there are no parameters (or rules, even) for life in black and white behind the candoor (except honest without harm as much as possible), so perhaps you enjoyed the romp into this body...

not that you actually shared this body or anything...

hey, you saw the way this entry started out in that first paragraph, so just consider yourself lucky it did not become a dozen different entries based on each of those possibilities (and then some)... I mean, you don't have time to sit here reading sixty entries all uploaded in a week, now do you?...

I love you for being here, you know, especially when I tease you...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)