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2004-01-23 - 11:54 a.m. famous last words... actually, if I was fired tonight then the title of the previous entry would truly be famous last words... but the fool part, now that was the prophetic irony... the primary mistake I make in this life is trusting people, taking people seriously, and caring about them... I sweat the small stuff, I sweat minutia... whether it is my illusion delusion confusion or actually the truth of the reality, I am sensitive to such minor details in the big picture that I am generally thinking several large steps (that might seem like several hundred so far along that no one is aware or cares about what I am seeing or thinking or feeling) and I generally prove that people are hypocrits down deep because I will not pretend... there's a leap in there, even for me... but the fact of the matter is, once again I find myself at the butt end of the joke, the short end of the stick, the odd man out... and they had to call a meeting to tell me about it... it never ceases to amaze me how people will not deal with issues that bother them until they are in groups of like thinking people... and sadders still, they have to have someone to blame... someone to point at, laugh at, mock, or generally downgrade to subhuman tender that can (and should) be discarded... far be it for me to point out that many of the organizational changes and quality assurance monitors in the system are not just my ideas, but my designs openly taken by others and implemented after shooting down the same ideas when I brought them up... and ignoring the implementation in my small sphere of influence... or should I mention that I trained the folk who are not finding fault with my critical eye and reactive reminders (proactive is a curse word in some organizations... it costs money and means people might have to change their way of doing things {like get out of their chairs and do something} to improve quality at the loss of say, reading time or shooting the breeze time)... alas, it so often comes down to this when I do not want to deal with the systems... time to back away and accept the callous indifference of people again... fool that I am to think people who choose to work in a psychiatric hospital might actually care about the people they work with... but then, it's just a job, right... you suck or confuse or irritate me but I'd rather mock you behind your back than actually try to help you, nothing personal... there are people who actually do care in this world, right?... yeah I know, I just figured I'd ask for the hell of it... and wonder... who really might know the look on my face now...
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