reading Anne's latest entry almost had me thinking I didn't need to write one today, just point you to her entry and say I'll be back tomorrow... that's too general though, huh?... and that's not fair (what's fair?) and might give you the false impression that I might have someone to relate to in a relationship fashion these days... I trust you have heard my whining about loneliness enough to know that's not the case and nothing's changed since the last entry, so I will let you know when romance might reappear (or even lust) and continue along my rambling ways about everything else... or I could just go sit at the beach...

and before I get carried away with rambling on about my exciting life, I take it back, be as bad as you wanna be, just be careful... well, not too careful... so be as bad as you wanna be and just careful enough to stay alive and out of lingering painful situations... ok?... yeah, we can grin, that's not too painful...

and speaking of taking things back (not that I planned to), I also take back most of what I said about Dland servers since this is a what have you done for me lately world and lately I've not had problems uploading entries... that's lately as in the last few days, so my cynical slap at myself is equally as short-sighted... perhaps this is a vain attempt to appear human, but yeah, so, whatever... I noticed that Andrew might be feeling the empathy thing about the trouble uploading entries since he's gone, not uploading anything himself... or maybe it's a broken heart... anyway, for all the grumbling about DLand, I hug him and wish him many more inspiring entries and much love and happiness in the real world, what (where or when) ever that is...

and so what happened since the last time I was here?... well, not much... a lot might have almost happened, but mostly not much... I was debating between three viable and equally pleasing choices (I'm easy... of course that is relative)... going to a local band's CD release party at a local bar cuz Helena's friend is the drummer's girlfriend and they are both into heavy metal (more than I am, but I think they like me along because when my hair isn't tired back it's very heavy metal) and waiting for Sally to wake to go to dinner and staying home to do laundry and getting a workout in at the gym, with some intentions and cleaning and writing and ordering decadent Italian dinners and copying CDs and vegging into some movies or something (lazy Saturday night) when the phone rang... I picked up and listened...

it was Helena telling me she wasn't going to the CD release party because there's a cover charge for each show (early and late) and she didn't want to clear out after the first show (but the strange thing is she wanted to clear out early last time cuz she always clears out early cuz goes to bed early, so I think it was the cover charge) and I could decide what I was going to do on my own... she mentioned something about calling later if she and her new boyfriend had other plans... so I get into the house stuff and put off ordering food hoping Rasputin wakes in time to go somewhere and eat... a few hours later I am hungrier and Raspy still sleeps, so I reach for the phone to call for food, the phone rings again... I picked up and listened, again...

it was Helena again asking me to go bowling... I had returned from the gym and was sitting in a chair writing yesterday's catch up entry (hey, are pieces starting to fit a bit?... well, at least I think this was the timing of it) cooling down and was seriously hungry (reaching for the phone for food, remember?) and at first said I didn't want to cuz I was not exactly in the mood... she rallied reinforcements as her friend, who's the girlfriend of the drummer who's band we were originally going to see tonight, got on the phone with invigorating energy (and some verbage about rubbing herself all over me) begging me to come out... apparently she showed up at the local bar for her boyfriend's CD release party and was shut out because they were filled to capacity and it didn't matter that she was with the band and on the list and so on... I was the cure for her bummerness... she really sounded like she needed to rub up against something (maybe her new boobs were itching) and pleaded nicely, so I said ok and hopped in the shower to hurry out and meet them for Cosmic Bowling...

that was about 8:55PM... Cosmic Bowling started at 10PM...

I came out of the shower a little after nine to find a message on my phone from Helena that went something like I hate to do this to you but V.K. (her new boyfriend who, at least by me, is known only by initials so far) had the foresight to call ahead and the bowling costs a lot more than we want to spend so we decided to catch a 9:30 showing of Van Helsing at the dollar theatre and I don't think you can make it there in time......

her time estimate was accurate, especially with Saturday night traffic, so I was all clean and shaved (yes, I even shaved) and bouncy and ready to go out and had nowhere to go and nobody to go with... I decided to regroup and return to my original plan, to stay home and... well, at least laundry got done... the rest was forgotten as I probably felt bummed enough to get into vegetative distractions like the TV... I thought about waking Raspy, but he's been under the weather lately and does not go out except to dinner, but dinner would have been cool by then... but I decided (probably the bummedness again) to wait until the last minute (that being just before it was too late to get restaurant food and having to settle for the few late night choices)...

when the last minute came, I sorted through the local delivery places and decided on the one that stayed open a half hour later than the others so I could wait an extra half hour for Raspy cuz he did, after all, nod yes when I asked if he was into going out for dinner later if I was home and he woke up in time, and when he didn't wake I called all excited about ordering specialty pizza, subs, and other stuff I love (but was still settling on since the night kinda passed and this was the only option left)... and was I surprised to find that the place had closed and changed owners and no longer served the same specialty menu and I hung up as the guy was telling me they have all the usual stuff pizza places have...

I put a frozen stuffed flounder dinner in the microwave and was about to eat the salmon (it was mislabelled by the great Wally Mart) just as Rasputin emerged from his slumbers ready to go to his usual Saturday night place, Steak N Shake (cuz nothing else is open that late except a few diners we don't like)...

I ate the salmon...

later, after doing more laundry and watching something on TV, we went to Steak N Shake and I ate some more... the chocolate vanilla shake with hot fudge was my reward for a rather empty night watching others spin around me with ideas that did not come to fruition for me...

and then I browsed around the web and almost finished laundry and tidied the place a little, but did not actually get to the cleaning cuz I was vegging too well and eventually the morning arrived and I fell asleep and here we are... that is, I just woke to catch up on yesterday and upload this entry and now, it's gym time and then food time and if there is time, today's entry, but that'll probably be tomorrow as I will need to shower and get to work... then again, maybe this is today's entry (everything is so relative these days)...

if anybody happens to be in or around Orlando next weekend and has any ideas for doing something (and can maybe either stick to one idea or arrange the timing so I might be included), feel free to call... 407-325-1482... after going out to concerts, movies, shows, and other stuff a few weekends in a row I realized that I am bored with staying in all weekend and the gym and dinner and shopping outings are not enough... I want more... I mean besides romance and intimacy and passion and the sharing of secrets and some great sex... activities, please...

I know, I could have responded in more detail to the emails in my mailbox (and I do appreciate your attention so much more than I say, because words can not express it...)... it's just when this visceral loneliness comes around to bum me not even words, as much as I treasure words, are enough... and I do not want to moan or whine to anyone personally, that is depressing even if self=pity makes that decision for the moment... I'd rather do it generically here in an entry...

and I know, I could go out by myself... I will, but it's so much more fun with friends and since I do not have friends who stay up latter than 10PM on weekdends or friends who have the energy and fitness to actually bounce around the town or anywhere doing much of anything, I'm open to suggestions and new people in this life...

remember, Orlando... tell your friends... and I'm easy...

relatively...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)