another busy week leaves no time for writing (I mean, not a solid block of time for a satisfactory entry, so to be more accurate, not enough time for satisfying writing), especially with the TV tuned to Earth Sea and The Sound of Music DVD sitting on the TV begging for some air time, so once again I may fall behind (life is swimming against the tide of time) and slip into catch up time (as opposed to realtime... and bless you regular readers for knowing what I mean... and bless you all who do not know what I mean too)...

this feels like such a draggy December... much blah... I've got party invitations for the next few weekends (some from people I've never met) and little enthusiasm to go... that's probably directly related to the lack of exercise and bloating I've been allowing lately... it's a phase, of course...

so as I did last weekend, I'll drag myself out here and find some fun in spite of my lethargy (I was full of giggles and anticipation after to movie last weekend, you shoulda been there) and share the love (and try not to get depressed by the pretentions and superficial commercialism of the season... that's the ticket, it's a maze of glitter to dance through, a forest of fake trees and plastic smiles (or vice versa) to nagvigate to find the magical wonderful world of Ozmosis lost to all but fae and fools and other forest folk and a few lucky people who know (shhhh)... that's the challenge that can motivate me to head out there and deal with the sudden flood of open arms and seasonal love and maybe even a little more eye contact than people usually share, aye?...

and all the fun of the fair...

I love my few minutes online each day (and treasure the days I can spend a half hour or more... and those occasional days when I can spend a few hours browsing, that would be one of the most relaxing excitements I know in this life)... the net is a wonderland... I find much I agree with and much I disagree with, much I enjoy and much I skip over... I think the secret to peace and security is learning how to change the channel without judging, no less condemning the channels you leave behind... this philosophy works for me with TV, the net, and life...

I am lonely because I am different... I believe at our base thought, we are all the same... our differences come once we leave our base thought... our differences are based on what we build upon the base... I have rather different fundamental constructs on my base... so the core connections that most people can forge are not there for me and that is why I remain lonely...

so often I am told to change in one way or another... people have such interesting (and sometimes annoying, when I an too busy to remember my patience) ways of suggesting, compelling, demanding, cohersing, and attempting to force others to change... it rarely works with me...

I love myself as I am... I have, in many ways, for a very few reasons, tried to change who I am... changing who I am was always a much more unpleasant experience than any of the alternatives... and that is why i accept the loneliness of this world... feeling alien, a stranger in a strange land, and elswehere...

I force myself to stay awake, giving up the sleep that would be wise to go to between work periods, just to write... for whatever it may be worth to anyone, it has great worth to me... een if it takes thousands of words to find one of true meaning for my core, it is well worth it for me...

and so I walk on through wind, rain, and any challenge... I remain true to my core, the foundation of beliefs and mental constructs that create my reality and who I am in it... I wish everyone could feel, if but for a moment, the peaceful happiness that comes of unconditionally loving and trusting self... it is the actualization of bliss in this life... to know, and to believe, and to feel... dare to write, to feel, to know, to be...

imagine actualizing being all you need and unconditionally loving and trusting it... I know you can... I wonder if you dare...

I hope you do...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)