full of complaints today... I wake up and should have gone straight to the gym, but I sit down here instead and check mail and read a bit... shortly thereafter, Rasputin wakes in and I'm out shopping for school supplies and stopping for a little Mexican (ah, if only the double entendre was true)... a couple of delicious spicy enchilatas later and we're searching for a newspaper that has a story about biology in it because the assignment is due tomorrow... finally, I'm home again...

it's great to have a best friend family roommate, cuz who else would put up with my grumpy complaining moods and help me in and out of them?...

I ponder how long it'll be before it will be safe to go to the gym and realize there's not enough time before work to digest, gym, shower, and get to work on time... so I sort of watch the first season of Friends, disk three of four (one of the gifts Precious got for her birthday or Christmas of just for being precious) while Precious talks on the phone to a friend (so I have two audio inputs snatching attention away from my rambling here with you, which certainly tests my ability to multitask, I suppose)... I appear to be entering the world of Friends, at least subliminally... there is a strong possibility that I've stayed out of the world of Friends because it might lead to the sad but true thought of how I don't have anything near the social life even the loneliest of the friends might have (would that be Ross?) and what's worse, no circle of close friends, old or new, who have any sort of social life or active life or amusing anecdotes... yeah, it is pretty stupid to compare real life with a professionally written situation comedy that's been good enough to be popular for years... and certainly Helen Hunt doesn't walk into too many scenes in my world...

so I must come up with a better schedule if I am to get to the gym (or get exercise into my life) daily... or less work... I'd much prefer the less work idea, but there's this little thing called ambition and motivation to take earning more money seriously that I've somehow lost along the way and it doesn't help much that I have little or no desire to get it (that ambition/motivation thing) back... there's something rather warped about my logic sometimes, but I am rather distracted by whatever is going on around me most of the time because I have no personal space or privacy anymore, but then, neither does anybody else here and so I'm not feeling very creative or plantains in my pockets, but I am very happy to see you if I could... could the irreverence be strategic?...

whatever, still references run deep... yes, I must come up with a better schedule... and a life... a life would be good here...

so where were we (or were were you... you take care of you, right?)...

oh yeah, I mean a close personal intimate even secret love kind of private life... or at least some personal creative space that isn't constantly bombarded with cathode rays and a cute fifteen year old who has nobody else to talk to and nothing else to do cuz her dad sleeps in the evenings and like me and most people she just wants attention... me too, actually, but I want to do more than watch TV and create my school notebooks and the occasional homework... she is a cute bundle of energy though...

obviously I need other writers for my situation comedy life...

or a monkey...

it is time to get ready for work... no time for a poker game if I had people who wanted to play... actually, I prefer spades and other games, but the point is there and loosely connected to the episode of Friends that is on... work used to be more fun when we played cards there, but ever since the new LPN sucked the fun out of the hallway by creating her girls club at the nurses station, work is work and little fun... but I don't actually look for friends at work... I don't actually look for friends, actually... and yet, I feel like I walk around with my arms wide open... and I know I have some friends online... but my heart, Maria, but my heart... I'm just grumping about not having more intimacy again (this song is getting old) and that special someone who understands the loneliness and might actually actualize the theme song... you know what I mean?... did I mention I am full of complaints today?...

maybe I've just got to find a place where everybody knows my name?... wait, that's another theme song... there's a place for us... somewhere... maybe I'll get more serious tomorrow...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)