crashing today... I splurged (bodily) and drank 48 ounces of Code Red Mountain Dew in just a few hours and did nothing about burning off the excess energy except stay awake 48 hours or so and vege into the TV and listen to Precious (Rasputin was away for a few days) and... wait, I did start laundry... kinda left it halfway done, which means clothes need rewashing since I don't want them all wrinkled and I do not own an iron... I have a golf club, one old wood, but not an iron... oh, the irony of that... and punny too...

I slept, but don't seem to be into sleeping more than a few hours at a shot... this usually means that I am not really tired, just crashing... that's what happens when you fry a brain...

the desktop computer refused to download any more mail from the highly SPAMmed group accounts, so I spent several hours deleting mail and moving some... more than a gigabyte of mail was deleted, at least... there's still almost half a gig of mail on that desktop... someday, maybe I or somebody will be interested in scanning through it and sharing it with me...

my teeth still taste like Code Red...

I wake to find all the lights on, again... the roommies will be home soon and the TV will go on again... I watched some DeGrassi and Gilmore Girls and other shows Precious enjoys... sheesh, but those writers are manic... I wonder if the actors are that hyper-talkative in real life... it's been a while since I've been so hyper-manic talkative... or with someone who was... sometimes I used to wish someone would kiss me and shut me up and sometimes I thought that thought was revolting, depended on the lips involved... or vice versa... but I suppose I should not be associating shows focused mostly on teenagers and sexual turn ons anymore, since that is illegal and considered perverse in most cultural circles... or squares, for that matter... and I don't do triangles anymore... I think...

there's more to that last paragraph than meets the eye, but then, there's also a lot of fluff just to distract or get your attention, whichever comes first... if it works, it was meant to...

apparently I still have enough caffiene and sugar in my brain to be rambling on rather incoherently even though the body I am in feels like it was run over by a large truck and died and was ressuscitated and died again and rinsed and repeated and few more times... maybe I should take my shirts out of the laundry, but then, that would mean getting up from a very comfortable position in the big green chair and I have not been sitting here in a very comfortable position in several days, especially not when there is relative silence in this place (all except the workmen banging on the apartment across the hall... I think they may have actually completed the apartment next door... it's times like these I wish I was either female or gay, or that the world was dramatically different and the majority of construction workers were female... maybe you had to be there)...

I suddenly miss high school...

it's the large pool of potential friends and lovers that I miss, not the regimented pressure to conform or the tests... it's the comradery and passion for life (if you got involved in arts and musics and dramas and the creativity at school, you may know what I mean)... having Precious here brings some of this back to me, especially since I live a so-lonesome-I-could-die kinda life these days on intimate levels, where it really counts... she's going to be part of the production of two plays next weekend and we'll be going to watch... I promise I will not lust after the high school girls when they are not on TV, really...

much...

I am feeling the bloat too... some people might like to laughing love my pending BuddhaBelly� but I know that is just reverse psychology pointing out that if I ignore it it'll just feel crappier and more lethargic every day (and make these Code Red hangovers all the worse)... so why did I buy that chocolate cake when I took Precious shopping the other day?... cuz it was there, and a bargain, just $3 for a chocolate cake (last date of sale)... and I realized, when I picked her up from school, that Raspy did not exactly leave food in the house for her... as usual... and I decided that I did not want to spend money on take-out or order-in food, so it was stop for something at the supermarket... I am dangerous with a shopping cart... things, very decadent and heavily-chocolated things just seem to fall into my cart when I am not looking... it's like these evil invisible hands come out of nowhere and shove the stuff into the cart... sometimes I think I may be possessed when I walk into a supermarket... I've been told that I have been seen walking down the cookie isle and reaching out for specific products and putting them in my cart without looking at the shelves... I swear I have no recollection of such events... believe it or not...

the last piece of chocolate cake sits on the counter and I will not eat it... I have decided that already... even at the risk of it being thrown away, spoiled, defiled, wasted, blasphemed... the sugar-caffeine hangover feels crappy enough to kick start the one functioning survival gene and brain cell I still have left in quasi-working order and I think this may be the start of a beautiful friendship... or change of life again... maybe... it's in this lehtargy portion of the hangover that anything is possible...

this is why you have not seen regular timely daily entries this week... there is a backlog of babbling cluttering up my mind and desktop and surroundings, but nothing in cohesive typed uploadable form until now... this entry is a breakthrough, a step out of the temporary malais that comes with the crash... some time during the week i did have a flash or two of creative spark... did you notice? (what?... looking for links?... well the first thing to go when the brain goes into crashdown {suddenly lusting for Rosewell moods... it's the alien DNA, it'll pass} mode is the ability {and more, the desire} to shamelessly plug my other writings {and yours} by including links... aren't you pleased this happens from time to time?)...

somehow pleased may not be the word we were looking for, huh?...

so this was a bit of catch up for you (do you serve fries?)... maybe it's the diuretic... maybe I need an enema... I think I'll conclude this entry now before my brain things of some even more drastic hypothetical remedy for the current condition... you, you there with the green sweater, hug yourself right now... and now send the feeling to me... the rest of you, do the same... these are the instructions you will find on the inside of my head if you ever get to open it up... along with microprocessors and googadecaterrabytes of random information waiting to be filed... applicants for the role of file clerk, please follow the green line...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)