ok, so it's another weekend... I had my medical check up earlier today, right after work... the body must be getting old cuz there are follow up tests and such now... used to be I'd go to the doctor and be asked why I go to the doctor by the doctor... apparently the blood pressure is crossing the line, that lower number being above ninety... now last year when this happened I told the doctor and myself that it was time to take exercise seriously again and to drop the extra thirty plus pounds I was carrying around... I started exercising, though not consistently enough (especially not since the kidneys did their clever little rock throwing thing a few weeks ago), and I dropped some of the excess poundage, but not enough... so I gave in and accepted drugs... that is a sign of giving up for me... and instead of anger or depression, all I hear from myself is a sigh... definitely getting old...

not having any biological medical history sucks...

so then the doctor tells me about the kidney stone... actually this came first (good psychological bedside manner)... and she praises me for my knowledge of my body and kidney stones, for knowing this stone was not made of the same stuff as the previous stones... after the praise, we talk about my last urology check up and she figures fifteen years is a long time so I am going to get a renal ultrasound next week and am going to find myself a Urologist... last year I found myself a cardiologist cuz I wanted to do a full cardio-stress test and echo cardiogram and was totally dissatisfied with the very expensive doctor, but I seemed to do alright on the tests... I forgot the name of the doctor and apparently he never did send the results of the tests to my doctor and since he had not seen the results in time for the last appointment we had in which he gave me thirty seconds and told me to come back if I feel any chest pain (so why did I bother with the major tests?)... anyway, I did the cardio stuff cuz at the time I had not been running for a couple of years and I wanted to test myself in a controlled environment rather than pass out on some dark street in the middle of the night and I was reassured by my performance on the tests even if the very expensive specialist did not see the results... I figured it was time to see about getting those results so I called the hospital and have to fax them a signed release... then I will hopefully be able to see the results at my doctor's office... anyway, I wonder why doctors get any respect at all sometimes...

I'm bored with the medical stuff...

when I got home there was a little escaping into TV and then munching on some chicken wings and copying some library CDs and some adjustments to Fantasy basketball (where I continue to hold a slim lead going into the final weeks of the season) and a little writing here and there and some reading of random diaries and a few favorites too and then I started diving into seriousness in an email (thank you for the inspiration) and then Precious got home and she wanted to tell me about her school day and her report card and since her dad was falling asleep, she visited with me in the living room a while... she ordered Donatos (like father like daughter) and I napped here in the big green chair while she went to watch TV in her room...

and moments ago I was awakened because Precious decided to come into the living room to talk on the phone... I am noticing that the living room is still a storage room for the stuff they have not unpacked (yes, we've been here a month now) and the place certainly looks lived in already, a lived-in warehouse and greasy spoon diner... I probably would not be so negative about it if I wasn't awakened from a very sweet nap to find someone sitting and watching me sleep while talking and laughing on the phone as if an audience was required... but that's life with roommates who are more like family than family and who are bored and want attention and don't want to watch TV in their rooms... yes, the TV went on as well so now there is phone conversation and TV... she's lucky I love her)... but then, after all, I do have a room too...

where are my headphones...

I don't know about you but I have a whole lot more fun when I come here with nothing much to say about real life and just let my mind ramble where it will goes (like fixing a hole where the rain... yeah, old song)... like the last few entries... but then maybe those free association rambles are more challenging to respond to by the looks of my responses recently... of course even planet candora has been quieter than usual which may be due to the bleary semi-bluesy blahs or maybe the quiet is inspiring the blahs or maybe it's just my being awakened from a really sweet nap by someone obviously looking for my reactions to their phone conversation... kids do the strangest things...

like I don't...

at least I can still laugh at myself... I definitely see the best sleep pattern for the writer in me is evenings... unfortunately that may not be best for body health and welfare, but if I can get into the gym workouts after work it might work... I think... it's the private time during the day when Rasputin is at work and Precious is at school that works best for my creativity so I don't sit here with someone sitting across from me and looking up for my reactions while on the phone which makes me take notice of the immediate living environent that leads to my rambling on about my roommates who do no exercise, eat no veggies, and drink a few bottles of Pepsi a day while sitting around watching TV almost all the time and the fact that the place is a mess and their stuff is just dropped and left wherever... better to focus on my own mess, like I must do laundry this weekend... and the real reason for disgruntledness which is that there is too much space for more meaningful relationships in my world...

did I mention email...

I am finding inspirations in emails and just maybe, even as I sometimes feel like it is time to roll over and die, there is life to be lived and shared after all... and it is to email I jump right now (which is a few hours after this entry started because I finally nodded off for a couple of hours and since this is the second day in a row I have not slept, that is not something I shall resist) for something important arrive that deserves immediate attention...

here's a stupid thought from the dark corners of my mind (what?... some deep self-disclosure buried here behind and beneath the superficial daily babbling?... how cleverly silly of me to drop such a dime in this fashion... what was on my mind, anyway?)... that kind of startles me... that my immediate attention would be worth something to anyone on a personal level... even on a professional level... maybe I am blinder than I thought... or maybe just way too overtired to self-judge (or maybe I should link something to give you something more to ponder since I am closing this entry, huh?... like to an old friend's bandb, perhaps... well, maybe, since I was called a kidne pro today, I shall)...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)