and today was Rasputin's birthday... I passed along happiness from everyone already, so you can all feel good about remembering (it's ok if you don't know him or he doesn't know you, wishes for happiness are good een if nobody knows about them... but they're better if people know, so that's why I am telling you that you sent them cuz they felt really good to pass them along and Rasputin seemed to enjoy them as well... don't worry, it all makes sense)...

Precious and I went shopping for his gifts (or was that yesterday) and we gave him some CDs and a chocolate cheese cake and ice cream and other stuff... ultimately it wasn't much different than most days, lounging around watching TV... copying more CDs... keeping up with our fantasy sports teams... and somewhere between the lounging, we went to dinner at the Lobster Feast, seafood buffet that is owned by the Raspy's boss, so we got to eat all the lobster and crabs and a wide variety of seafoods for free... yum... I enjoyed the food more than they did cuz I love seafood and they don't, but heck, it wasn't my idea or choice to go there...

and then Dawson's Creek DVDs went in the DVD player (Precious switched off from her Friends DVDs)... she seems to know every episode pretty well as she can describe what's in them based on the titles... we all have some shows or movies we can watch over and over, right?... well, I know I have some stuff, often it is stuff I shared with someone and watching it brings back the wonderful memories, kind of like scent memories, perhaps, except these are audio-visual memories... usually it's music or a movie though... a few TV shows too... I really have learned to get into this culture after all...

used to be I was outside looking in, wondering what all the fuss was about... then I fell in love, the infinitely romantic teenage kind of love, and everything was about loving her... then parents and life interferred and I struggled with conformity, for the first time accepting it as a viable path for me because maybe that would mean we could get back together... but it didn't work... I could not figure out how to do it and still be me... over and over I tried and failed... and I ran everywhere I could, tried everything I could think of... and I buried myself a few times in many ways... and somewhere along the way I lost myself and just wandered aimlessly to wherever I am now...

that's the most abbreviated version of the story of my life I've ever told... perhaps the most irreverent... cynical?... obscure?... odd?... well, what I am sure of is that it is the most honest I can be about it because it says everything at least in the fewest words I can come up with (or cut down to) for the moment...

maybe tomorrow I'll get back to the daily workouts and eating better and start another new life and I'll wake up and dreams will come true and all the stuff that's been bottled up inside will come pouring out...

oh, as if I don't write enough, huh?

I am not in the mood to go to work tonight, but the technical dealine for calling in sick has passed and I am just a little too responsible to leave them hanging by not showing up when it's too late to find coverage... on the other hand, I've had no help at work for a few weeks and will have little help this week because the only other person who does the work I do independently has been off for two weeks and will be off this week... the last two weeks were a vacation for her... this week it's a suspension... she deserves to be commended for the work she does, but she's been suspended for not coming to work the night of Hurricane Frances... is that not ridiculous?... power was out, roads were closed, the sheriff ordered an 8pm curfew, and phones were down... it was a miracle she did get to work the night of Hurricane Charlie and nobody said thank you to the staff that actually risked their lives to drive through that Hurricane... but sure enough, the management actually suspended almost a dozen people who could not make it in for Frances even if they called on time...

anyway, I was not scheduled those nights, so management had nothing to say to me, but they shot themselves in the head because some of the best staff they had has now stopped doing the extra stuff they were doing and the place will suffer for it... but I understand, cuz I sure would not go out of my way to help someone who would fire or suspend me for not risking my life on one very dangerous night...

and last Friday morning I was asked why some reports are late... happily (for me), I didn't think of it until just now (when I start taking the stupidity home with me, it's time to look for another job)... since I've got to leave and be there in 30 minutes, it's time to get back into the work mode and prepare myself for the place... maybe I'll motivate myself to do some extra work tonight... or maybe I'll just do my job and when I'm done, continue reading Harry Potter...

I think I'll be taking a night off this week though...

so what else is new?...

hi-ho...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)