waking up I find that one of the windows I left open froze so the laptop had to be rebooted and there were words lost... mourne the loss and move on, if possible in the same moment, for moments are the most precious things of all... live to create as little waste as possible...

I must be getting boring... not boring as hell, not bored stiff, not bored to tears, but just plain ordinary boring, so uneventfully boring that there is no reaction, no hell or tears or anything, just nothing... bored to nothing...

but then, life is as it is... whatever it is supposed to be, whatever it is meant to be, however it is presented, it is as it is...

not enough here to inspire anything in response, notes or comments or emails or whatever... does anyone check in on a daily basis... I don't know... do the words inspire anyone to want to know me, to want to communicate on a regular, maybe even daily closer basis?... apparently not... does this life I relate here bring any intimacy on any level into this life, to share caring?... will I be here tomorrow?... will you?... will anyone?... what did you do today?... tonight?... what matters to you?... what do you want?... how are you going to get it?... can I help?... do you want to help?... to share?... to care?... want to talk?... keep in touch?... be friends?... really?... anyone?...

I could give the presentation more flair, reach for style points or cleverly playful phrasings or other tricks of light and language, but that is not why I come here... I come here to remove the wrapping, to get naked and bare life as it is... and it is...

writing, work, sleep, gym, and other people's influences... music is missing... intimate one-in-one love is missing... I wake today to Independence Day and the second half catches my ears and eyes as I try to find where I left off in this laptop... as the movies tails towards it's end, Precious falls asleep on the couch, Rasputin heads into his bed, my evening begins... a few hours to get to the gym (at least an hour), cook, eat, shower (and so on), dress, and get to work... today an extra fifteen minutes for a stop for a flower for my secret Valentine at work is scheduled in my mind... time is running out, as usual... 7PM...

and that's life...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)