ok, I think all (ok, hopefully most) of that pathetic stuff is finally out and we can move on to enjoying the heck out of boring emptiness again... ah, vacations are so much fun in a good mood and after more than a week of sweltering darkness (the worst part of which is the glaring obviousness of nobody to share it with... I mean, being alone in broad daylight might seem worse for some people who find self-image and esteem more externally oriented and maybe it is easier to hide in the dark, but for us internally focused folk, it's much easier to find fun floating around in broad daylight cuz people are around and this parentheses is dragging me off on another long and introspective tangent, isn't it?)...

I mean, after a week of sweltering darkness there is sheer (if superficial) delight in controlling the immediate environmental climate and getting all hot and sweaty knowing a hot and steamy shower is available anytime I want it and then the room can be blowing cold air all around and there's music to choose from and video to choose from and time to enjoy the relaxing comfort and audio-visual stimulation...

so precious has a Friends marathon going on and I'm pretending I have a group of friends as close and goofy as they do rather than getting all depressed cuz I don't and then there's your voice (and you know who you are, plural, no less) reminding me that I won't get near finding a group of friends like the Friends friends by sitting around enjoying the life of leisure at home life this way... besides, the Friends friends are so homogeneously New Yorky and scripted clever with typical model-fit people all made up to appear perfectly naturally perfect and it's not real enough for me to fantasize about it being real for me...

but a group of fun friends, that would be nice...

maybe if I suggest homework, since she's been out of school for more than a week and goes back tomorrow... cruel of me, huh?... well, also responsible of me and I'm supposed to be the responsible one around here this week with Rasputin away... so ok, I put the suggestion out there in my own odd way...

it sorta worked... the TV went off and now I'm listening to the homework assignments... the wonderful thing is how teenage girls want to share everything so much cuz that's just the way I can be when I want to share... like inseperable twins... the obvious unwonderful thing is that I am not a teenage girl, or boy for that matter and I'm supposed to have left that unabashed exhuberance and hunger to share (and honest neediness) behind when i became an adult (who said that?... when?.. I never!... ummmm, please don't make me be an adult, I'll be good... I'll watch What About Bob again, will that help?)...

ok, I did some positive encouraging and enthusiastic "I believe in your brain" supportive affirmations and Precious is off to her dad's desk and computer to get focused on homework and I am wondering what to do now... the TV is off, do I turn it on?... do I go outside?... most of the world works on Monday afternoons, so on the plus side I have the world more to myself (me and housewives and little tykes and homeless folk... ah, the unique perspective of working night shift)... on the other hand, I have not had a relaxing day off in a comfortable space for many weeks and I am greedily hungering for even more private time during school hours tomorrow and my brain wants to explore whatever creative juices and rivers and oceans and worlds and puddles still bubbling effervescently (or oozing up muddily from my depths, for that matter) through my psyche and being...

I don't expect you all to rush back at once, but hopefully you'll gradually notice that I am rambling on here again and skip over the boring whining parts to find something interesting enough to keep your attention and inspire your smile... while on many levels each entry and everything I write is one more message in a bottle for the one to find and everyone else to enjoy, there's also the distinct possibility that maybe offline friends will come out of this online babbling and that is an exciting thought...

but I won't deny the fact that the ego popularity is fun too...

maybe it's time to wander around the web a bit, for after all, I've been away for almost two weeks and who knows, we may have done something grand with it... maybe aliens have landed and made contact... unfortunately, much of my mail has been bouncing... that would be just my lick, alien first contact is thwarted by SPAM and a bouncing email... somebody come and save me from my imagination (or better yet, combine yours with mind and let's get lost in the space between our ears together)...

I am enjoying many grins today, can you tell?

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)