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PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
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last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2007-01-25 - 4:48 a.m.

words on the net


at least once a week I share my office with a dog... he comes in for pet therapy and I've been training him to stay in the office so we don't have to keep the door closed... he's learning and people are calling me the Dog Whisperer... I tell them "yeah, though it doesn't do much for my sex life"... but then, we know I am just way too picky, aye?... they expect odd comments from me at work... can't imagine why...

we saw Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat and it was fantabulous, amazing even... it was the Broadway touring company of in Daytona on a Tuesday night (cuz Rasputin is off on Wednesdays now and it was a present for him cuz he loves the show and I had the holiday spirit)... you'd know that and a lot of other details already if you read my daily life blog... but then, you might not want to know me personally... you might come here to enjoy the random babbling I do here... that's cool too, cuz after all, not everyone wants the same thing as everyone else, ya know... and I do hope everyone can get what they want, as long as it doesn't hurt anybody else...

which leads me to the rest of this entry, which has nothing particularly to do with the opening... I refer to emotional hurts and what we do about them... and how we create them for ourselves... especially on the web, but anywhere in our lives... my belief is that no one has power over my emotions or psyche unless I give them that power and whatever power I give, I can take back... in actualized reality I can give and have given unconditional power total control of me and my life to others - and I survived and took the power back when some horrid betrayals and abuses came back at me from those I gave power to... it did feel like an emotional and psychological death, but it was my responsibility to fix and I did...

so often I find people pointing fingers at others saying "you hurt me" when the other person hardly did anything at all... assumptions lead to misunderstandings... different perspectives and moralities lead to judgments and people are conditioned to use guilt and self-pity and finger-pointing as a means of coping with their own fears and closed mind... and it happens online with words between relative strangers quite often, mostly because people are not completely honest from the start of their interactions...

this entry is mostly a comment I left for someone I've been reading on and off for years here at diaryland... someone who gets dozens of comments for every entry, some within minutes of upload... it was inspired because someone else rejected this popular person... what followed was insecurity driven panic at the loss of a friendship... at least that's what I know of the story...

in any case, I was inspired to write this comment reflecting my perspective on relationships, especially online communications... the first link in the comment is to a previous entry I wrote on the subject (ironically, an entry that was used as an excuse for some people to stop calling me and reject any further contact as if I did them some sort of harm)... you decide if you find anything harmful to anyone in the words and if you do, I hope you let me know...

WORD, friend...

we may all have the tendency to take the written word on the net and the web communities we join (or create in comments by being popular) too seriously... we may all have the tendency to react as though someone else's opinion of us has power over us, as if someone else can say or write something that really hurts us in our lives, on or offline...

I know I experienced an online flame war myself when I started out in newsgroups... I know I was so wrapped up in what people on the web thought of me and of others I considered friends (people I had never actually met and, in the light of reality, knew little about)... I know I raged at the supposed villains and cheered the scathing words of my "friends"... that was almost ten years ago and I have no idea where any of those people might be today...

over the years, others have brought drama and imagination to the communications I've had online, sometimes people I thought I knew and trusted... there was a time when I received dozens of emails a day and actually found time to respond... when I no longer had time, some took my shifting priorities to living offline more than online as a personal insult... I believe they were too dependant on the online interactions and forgot that life is actually lived offline... many of us have done that, me included... ultimately I learned, after feeling burned too many times, that perspective is everything...

heck, I have lived with people only to find out I hardly knew them at their core... many people do not even know their 'true selves'... and while we can hope for the best and give much benefit of doubt and idealistically believe in the goodness of people and the best of intentions, it's all hope and illusion... as much as I respect you and, because I choose to in a real-emotion inside-of-me way, love you based on years of reading your words online, I also realize that I hardly know you in many ways...

based on years of reading your words, I choose to believe that you are a good man with a warm and generous heart... I choose to believe you strive to be honest and open and well-intended... I choose to believe you would not intentionally hurt anyone (unless, perhaps, they physically threatened you or your family)...

I write this comment to speak for myself, but perhaps the many silent readers you have might see the point and agree with it... I write to reassure you, but also to point out the irony in that these supportive words are coming from someone you've never met, spoken to, or shared more than a few private text conversations a while back... I am virtually meaningless in your real-life and only have as much meaning in your mind as you choose to give me...

I think we can (and I believe we should) learn from every interaction we share in life, from the deepest most meaningful to the passing on the street (or internet)... I've learned much from you, how to be a good father, husband, friend, because I take your words seriously and observe how sincerely you interact with those who spend time chatting in comments with you... and you know I respect your love of music...

I've reached a point online where the relative meaninglessness of words from strangers (we could just as well be reading a novel or watching a TV show) rests side-by-side with the potential power I could give the same words and strangers... I can as easily empower or negate anything anyone online says... in one sense, this isolates me and diminishes the experience and in another it enhances it because those who want to be taken more seriously reach out and call and visit, but even then, our friendships are mostly hope and illusions...

whatever all this means to you (or anyone reading and I expect, with a sardonic smile, that few, if anyone, reads me past the first paragraph or few), I can only hope you find the positivity intended... I support your re-focusing your priorities and perspectives... enhance your wonderful family life and try not to let the words online, when misunderstood, become more than they are...

those who matter will choose to believe in you based on years of reading you and those who choose to believe negativity about you are not worth trying to convince because they probably do not care enough to take the time to read and understand your words...

as our cultural favorites prove over and over, controversy, snap judgments, and conflict is so much easier and more entertaining than investing time and sincere interest in anything...

may misunderstanding be given time to either work itself out or be forgotten... and may we all remember that we see things through our own eyes and it is wise to ask what someone meant before assuming our eyes saw what was in the writer's head or heart...

be well, friend, and I'll keep admiring you and your family from afar, mostly silent, but sending positive energy your way just the same :)



so whatcha think?... well, the next entry (or two) is the result of one person's reaction to this comment... the person who apparently rejected the person who I was writing to above... she tried to pull me into whatever was going on between herself and her friend, anonymously, no less... I hope, by sharing this in this way, it might help us all see how we are conditioned to manipulate each other with accusation and victimization and moral judgment and social pressure... and how the innocent suffer... maybe we can mature a bit and take responsibility for our own actions and, ultimately, open our minds to accept that we are all different and to survive in this world we must learn tolerance and to take responsibility for our own emotions...

if you feel in any way offended or threatened or uncomfortable reading, ask yourself why... I probably do not know you and you probably do not know me... these words are not meant for you personally and they are intended to help, to offer my perspective, and in no way intend any harm or offence... if you choose to place, in these words, what I do not place here ask yourself why... and ask yourself if you do that in your daily real life interactions with others and if you do how does that effect your relationships and you...

I hope you open your mind and see what I mean...






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