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2004-10-13 - 9:11 a.m. wonders I did virtually the same thing today that I did yesterday and today I don't feel like throwing a pity party even though I am still walking toward the cliff and feeling foolish about it and the pounding continues up on the roof and there's no quiet and I'm still as alone as ever and lonelier today than yesterday and not liking it any better, but I'm a happy camper... call me goofy, but that's just the way I am... I tire of self-pity quickly and find myself (as childish or irresponsible or crazy as it may seem to some) enjoying the moments with an infantile part of my brain... oh well, nobody's perfect, definitely not me, so make the best of it and hope for the unfulfilled desires to be fulfilled someday soon and until then enjoy every fulfilled desire as much as possible... it's great when this happens... so it's another morning, another thud on the roof, another movie on the TV, Gattaca, which might remind me that anything is possible if you believe in yourself and your dreams and you're not so afraid of dying that you're afraid to live... it's quite literally live or die, every moment... silly child (that'd be me, especially when I forget to enjoy life and instead give into irrational fears or self-pity)... so ok, nobody's coming out to play with me today... I still have my chocolate, so I'm rich... and the sun is shining and there's stuff growing all over the place and it might even rain later... the world is so alive and always changing, how could I ever miss it and think it's boring (now that takes imagination)... the infinite wonder of every moment is always there just waiting for us to open our eyes and appreciate it... I wish you were here to share it cuz it's wonderfully wonder-filled right now... hope you find it wherever you are...
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