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(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

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last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2005-08-18 - 11:59 a.m.

playing with dolls (part one)


I've been listening to Can't Help Falling In Love, once made famous by Elvis Presley and one of the songs on my dream CD that I will record someday as a scratchy throated old man for the few who are still around caring about me... ironically, End of The World will also be on that dream CD I'll record someday... and My Way and The Impossible Dream and Gesthemene and I've Got to Be Me and Need To Be In Love and Honesty and... well those are the few that come to mind right off the top of my head as if I've been thinking about this for a long long time, which I have, but not in any recent days or weeks to my immediate recollection, until this moment, that is...

and playing with dolls...

that is, I've been listening to a midi on a website and playing with dolls...

and you wonder why people laugh at me?...

I mean that in the best way, of course... I laugh at myself a lot too, most of the time, even... that's partly because I am just so unbelievably different, sort of an innocent pervert, that is, I look at everything from every perspective and prefer it naked...

even the dolls...

can you enjoy the relatively shallow lust of pop teen celebrities while still imagining and feeling the depths of Beth Gibbons singing give me a reason... while reaching the pinnacles of passion as if orgasm was youre best and oldest friend while, somewhere in your mind, sticking your thumb up in the air and galavanting off into space with nothing but a towel?...

well, can you?...

anyway, I still have the song Earth Angel popping up from the back of my mind all because of smurfangel, I mean, how can you now hear it?... smurf angel, smurf angel... such a beautiful song so wonderfully turned into a cartoon (and you all know how much I love cartoons)... shades of the spaghetti scene from Lady and the Tramp... did you cry during All Dogs Go To Heaven too?...

sometimes I really am such a little girl...

and if I told you that is my favorite part of myself, would you look at me differently next time you saw me?... some of you might be wondering what kind of underwear I'd have on, but I so don't mean to pander to our libidinous (is that a word?) primal urges...

I sometimes get like this when I've not slept in a long time...

kinda giggly goofy wierd...

wise men say...

yeah, so anyway, the fact that it's been years since I actually was physically close to someone who inspired me to want to sing I want to kiss you all over... and over again to them (or Depeche Mode, for that matter, to spice it with irreverence and keep us all wondering just where I really might be coming from), might lead the masses to believe that I am as harmless as I am (but don't tell anyone cuz they won't really believe it), but I'll have you know that I have shown distinct signs of irritation and irrational thinking from time to time, especially at work where I sometimes let the frustration of idiots in charge get to me... well, idiots may be too harsh a word, or at least not specific enough... vindictive irresponsible incompetents would be more accurate, but the real reason I even mention this is that I do not have enough intimate personal life to fill my brain so I tend to take work home with me more than ever before, or at least second most...

if you understand anything I've said, feel free to explain your version of it to me, because my version is getting old in spite of my repeated attempts to find clever or unique or simply odd ways to say it... whatever it is...

have I mentioned my love for my crotch fan lately?...

these apparently random thoughts that come together as you read my entries may be some cleverly laid out plan, a maze that leads to the ultimate secrets of the universe, or to me, for that matter...

if I told you, then you'd know...

did you ever really want to save the world but just didn't have the time?... or spare change, for that matter... one more reason you should always have a few brand new pairs of underwear and socks at your disposal (besides the towel), because you never know when you might have the time (and spare change) and you wouldn't want to get caught saving the world (or hanging from a cross, for that matter) in old tattered undies or holy socks...

that reminds me of how much I love how her mind makes me laugh... it's a deep intellectual soul-searching humanitarian laugh, if you know what I mean... and if you know what I mean, then what fools these mortals be to chide the fates with passionless glances when the universe unfolds, naked in all it's revealing and wondrous splendor, in a whisper between lovers...

don't let me get me now...

(I may be a hazard to myself)...

ah yes, the universe unfolds in a whisper between lovers... I am so glad I remembered that... it is important information inscribed on the inseam of my favorite jockey shorts... I mean, just in case I forget at a crucial moment, you know...

you never know when one of those secrets of the universe I mentioned earlier might just happen to slip out in casual babbling... just to keep us on our toes, of course... and whenb was the last time you had your toes played with?... I would have said sucked (in reference to your toes last time), but that might have been too forward... and then I thought about saying kissed, but I considered that coming dangerously close to the to eroticism and we all know there's no eroticism in this life in black and white (we do?... everyone look surprised with me now)... you might change all that, I mean, if you really wanted to... whatever that that might have been...

have you ever unfolded?... blossomed?... bloomed?...

what are you, a flower?...

pansy...

dandylion...

chrysanthemum...

ah, a rose by any other name still smells like feet after it's stepped on or if you keep it in a box with dirty socks for a week or two... but then, who would be soo odd as to do something like that... or even think of it...

ever the romantric...

that was an actual typo, actually... I decided to leave it there to please my ego (who tells me that it demonstrates that the whole universe revolves around me and that that is good, you know, like the light thing the Judeochristian God reportedly did some time back... he also created typos, so let's all bow down and rever them... you probably weren't there, but it's in the book so it must be true)...

wise men say...

oh, I see I drifted off into song again... well, I'm just a fool, a fool in love, with love, after all... and a fool in love with love just doesn't trust eHarmony-type paid buffets for finding the ultimate person (or answering the ultimate questions, either, I mean, just ask the mice what computer dating is like)... no, if you're gonna find me, you're gonna find me rather at random by stumbling into on of my mant attention-seeking behaviors... like this diary, for instance...

at first I thought it was infatuation...

but ooo, it lasted so long...

breathe deep, the festering gobutit...

if you caught the combination of Pink Floyd and Monty Python in the previous random statement that may or may not have been as random as it may or may not appears, then you're well on your way to wherever it is I was when I thought of it and we'll meet again, can't say where, can't say when, but we'll meet again someday...

I need something to put in my mother... I mean mouth, really, I meant mouth and have no idea why I wrote mother... when she's hot, it's sexy... when ytou're hot, you stink...... and a very fine dancer she is, in the commercial, if you've seen it... I'd like to be the old spice dripping from her curves...

so I wandered around the apartment for a little while and discovered a package of lifesavers, cherry lifesavers, to be precise, in a drawer... they were unopened and quite old, since I do not recall buying them in the past year or two... maybe longer older even... the package was sealed and the lifesavers are individually wrapped and taste delicious... an excellent second best thing to do with my mouth (not mother) at this time...

the world is a vampire...

and I am blood...




to be continued...














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