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2004-08-19 - 3:20 a.m. whining again ok, so if I decide that I am tired of whining will I stop?... what does one do when they get tired of something, drop it?... what if one gets tired of one self?... these and other ponderous questions will not be answered today because I am tired of ponderous questions today... and I'd probably whine about them... so let's see... the power went back on last night... wonder of wonders, huh?... it is amazing (and quite pathetic, I think) to see just how dependent we as a species have become on our technology... and how uncooperative and selfish and viscious human nature truly is when the chips are down, when we are placed back into primitive surivial-of-the-fittest situations... scary and sad... yesterday I finally took the initiative (and spent my money) on the stuff that survival is about... and today i dragged Rasputin (he hates to shop) shopping for stuff as he is leaving tomorrow... but still I'll have to take Precious shopping for food and more as the hurricane came along and his car broke down so he couldn't prepare her for his two weeks away... what are friends and adopted uncles for, huh?... and yes, I know some of you see it as usery and maybe to some extent it is, but it gives me something to do and a warm feeling to care for someone, so I allow it... could be the using goes both ways... just wish it didn't cost so much, he says with a sardonic grin and semi-existential sigh... step right up my friends, there's plenty of room for you too... I did not get to take a hot shower even though the power went back on... the day rolled into the evening too quickly and the time consuming tasks of downloading mail and clearing the mailboxes before they bounced any more than they already were bouncing (alas, SPAM kills communication and I hope not too many of you {or others contacting me through other places} were bounced out of my life before you could even pop in)... and the phone rang and it was a pleasant surprise to hear from another DLander and suddenly it was time to go to work... long day and longer day ahead... alone, but surviving... another thing Charley has made clearer (besides the air outside) is that I have little life of my own... when I think about my days and come here to write about life, I find it easy to write about my roommates and co-workers and not so easy to write about myself because there's not much going on in my personals... my most constant feeling besides the child's wonder and euphoria I still cling to deep inside is loneliness and longing for more personal touches on all levels... I'd like to be able to write about sharing music and love and the creativity I adore... and suddenly I feel like this story of a life is getting very old... maybe I just have not decided I am tired of whining just yet, huh?
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