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mediate
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COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
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Unconscious Mutterings
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(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
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let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2006-07-02 - 1:24 p.m.

where the heck have you been (part 1)


welcome back my friends (the few who remain) and welcome new readers and thank you especially the few of you here right now... let the catching up (and mind dumping) begin...

we start out back at work again, where most of my writing happens lately because I seldom have alone time at home and haven't been shutting out the world and my roommates to write in recent weeks... and even here at work, I've spent little time writing lately (and feel myself drifting aimlessly across the ethereal blue waters of time and space... alone and lingering between oblivious and oblivion... floating on that line between euphoria and catastrophe... growing more melodramatic {or is that over-dramatic} by the hour... or something like that)...

ok, so what has been going on here at work that's prevented me from babbling on as I was doing for a while?...

most immediately I feel comfort issues (ah yes, let�s get the complaints out of the way so the real fun babbling can begin)... first, the overall environment has changed... since the change of units (different space) I have a whole lot less privacy and that'll take some getting used to once make some time in my busy schedule on the job... I used to sit down the hall while most of the staff activity (which is 99% socializing, often way too loud for a night shift in a hospital) was fifty or so feet away from me... now, because the hallway is half the size and narrower on this new unit, I sit pretty much in the middle of the staff activity... people chat to stay awake and expect me to join in, even when they see me focused on actual work (as opposed to this sort of babbling)...

second, the chairs suck... I'm working on getting them to order new ones, but getting this place to spend money is like trying to get milk from Paris Hilton�s left breast, or Haley Joe Osmond�s for that matter, or something like that... a writing chair comfort is important to the flow of words, especially when I am tired and I am tired most of the time these days (which brings out a third point explaining why the words have slowed, I suppose)... I am helping out at work more (extra shifts and extra work) cuz, well, I suppose they are catching me in a cooperative mood and they are showing a modicum of appreciation and the extra money is fun to play with (or will be when I stop this extra shift madness and have time to enjoy time off)...

and then (this would be fourth, I suppose, though it is actually the primary reason I might give if asked on a different night), I am doing a lot more than my job for this place these days and I could spend all night at the computer doing reports and auditing charts and creating simplifying forms and creating more effective training materials and streamlining policies and procedures and assorted other tasks if I decide to (and I have decided to more nights than not... the good thing though is that I have the autonomy to decide to or to decide not to, so I can completely blow off all work and just sit here and babble like this too)... and then there are those longer-term projects I mentioned (writing training documents, revising policies, and other work I've initiated because I get bored and the place needs the help badly)...

so at work I spend most of my time working on various projects that I don't have to do, but every now and then I want to remind administration that they value me and should give me what I ask for because they tend to have short memories and very two dimensional ways of dealing with staff... and it feels good ethically to use my skills to make it better for the kids and staff...

it's a triple threat of distractions that .. .. ..

and sure enough, Elpien needed help of assorted varieties (she can be extremely needy for social interaction and validation and like so many here on the night shift do, she can easily get distracted and distract others from work... and get too loud too... yes, she�s technically the unit supervisor, see what I mean?) so I showed her a few things about Windows XP because she just got her first computer and has questions most nights and then I subtly got her on track to do some of her work (she needs direction, motivation, and hand holding {according to her evaluation}, which is one reason she was put on night shift where there is less expected of her)... then I decided there were other things to do so I did other things...

and here we are hours later...

as it goes most nights, lately...

it's much easier to lose interest in sitting and to find reason to get up to do other things when I am not in a comfortable chair... and trying to keep other people busy and not falling asleep (creatively managing what they do while not being their supervisor can be tricky sometimes and takes my focus away from my babbling)... and now, housekeeping staff will be in soon offering further distraction (they can be noisy and quite negative, complaining about how staff leave a mess, which is true, but the negativity and being loud is counter-productive... and socializing, again, what most staff do on this shift most of the time) and everyone passes my current computer location to go anywhere so... distractions...

I did find a few seconds to text with Smash (thank you for reminding me that there's life beyond my bubble) which was a great reason to stop working and writing (I'm still learning how to text so it takes me kind of forever)...

unfortunately, a few people abusing talking on their cell phones around here (it is against policy to even have a cell phone in patient areas) have forced management to tighten up on it so being that I act as supervisor much of the time, I won't use my cell much... people do not know when they have it good... privileges like watching DVDs and videos, watching TV, playing video games, laptops, taking longer breaks, napping, and now cell phones have been taken away because people do not follow the rules and continue to abuse the privileges and forget they are actually on a job and have patients to check on... so another reason I keep myself busy coming up with projects and work for the night staff and supervisors (finally with management support) in an attempt to keep my co-workers awake...

and me too...

time to pack up, wake the kids, and go home...






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