yesterday I returned to yesterday... not the yesterday that the date of the day before would lead to, the birthdays of two of the people who came closest to me in this life... remembering friendship so deep it seemed to go on forever and though it has been years, if either needed anything today they know they could call... and the feeling is still beautiful in the heart years after the last physical hug... for we took the time to know each other, to care for each other, to share the dreams and laughter and tears...

and dreams...

so now it is all a dream, a beautiful wonderful dream... and yet there were more immediate matters to clear up before I could reach back for those beautiful memories... many missing pieces in the written gardens, many missing pieces in the physical world, many missing pieces inside... the music... remember when the music...

so I returned to unfinished business... returned to the words recently trickling down from Toronto... to memories that are not quite as pure or beautiful... to trust that was never secure and ultimately betrayed... to love that was not real, but just a dream... but not a beautiful, wonderful dream... rather, a nightmare... and the nightmare rises to tease with the memory of what could have been, what should have been if only it was true... like a stray dog it creeps up and slips it's nuzzle into my hand... like a seductive scent it slips into the mind and recalls passions and pleasures and promises of dreams coming true...

those dreams...

I spent most of fourteen hours yesterday responding to words from Toronto... words that come out of the blue as they usually do, only to stop suddenly a few weeks ago as they usually do... words that have never actually come true even as they promised so much... so neatly obscure... and yet I still toy with them and let them toy with me... I let the possibility tickle my hopes, play with my desires, nudge my passions... alas, just nudge, for little if anything fires my passions these days... you know, sleeping dead...

we did go out for lunch, again... too much food, too much money... I let Raspy choose and once again we ended up at Longhorn and once again he had a ribeye... alas, I crave variety and my only friends seem to only want sameness... meat and potatoes... still, food remains about all the excitement left for me these days... you know, again...

ah how we love the fall... oh so dramatic, isn't it?

and so we shall see what shall come from the words returned to Toronto... the game shall be played (russian roulette?)... and we shall see what dreams may come...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)