well, the words are lost again, lots of them tonight and once again, there's windows to thank... microsoft sucks again, and again, and the american way is greedier than ever even moreso through the bitter eyes of lost words...

just when i was wondering why vista takes longer and longer too boot up and crashes more and more, out pops windows 7 with all the promise of it being the OS they meant to release as a direct improvement built on XP, but in their typical greed and lack of respect or concern for consumers, they released another windows me and how many millions are stuck with it, ripped off and further turned off to microsoft...

maybe it's time to spend more and get a mac...

more likely i'll spend a few hundred bucks on a netbook or small laptop with windows 7 on it in the hope that the microsoft screw job will be less painful this time... and above all else, stop wasting time moaning and mourning the death of the american dream by the hand of the american way (as hypocrisy, greed, selfishness, and arrogance {hubris too} wins while the empire crumbles on the back of apathy and abivalence and ultimately, the stupidity of over-empowered fear)...

anyway, i had to shut down the computer again cuz it was buggy (cut/paste went away... clipboard bug, i suppose) and still, alicia silverstone has a really distinctively unique lips and mouth movements and, at least from my perspective, kissing potential... and she's vegan, too... though it is impossible to be sure, but she appears to be dimmer in the noggin than i'd like, but hey, who am i to be judging intellectual prowess from afar, anyway...

and so i went on the next to search for answers to the slow vista boot question and found more crap about the crap vista and no solutions other than spend more money upgrading to 7, the magic 7, typical greener grass effect... but craig is still the most amusing distraction on tv lately, even if i have a very limited selection to choose from on public network tv cuz of the apartment complex greed that has us locked into a monopolized contract with a small crappy internet and phone company that i don't use cuz it's crappy service and that is the primary reason i am moving out soon... as soon as i find time to find another place... and the hard drive continues to work work work for reasons beyond my knowledge...

complain, complain, complain, is that all i do now?... i mean, is this the way to return to this place after all this time (when will there be time to upload the hundreds of entries and many thousands of words that belong here, there, and all over everywhere, almost...

i discovered i have siss (or SISS, to be more official)... yes, i am a sufferer of sarcastic irreverent seriousness syndrome is in effect and salmon rushdie likes and yes, craig ferguson was the drummer in a punk band called the bastards from hell once upon a time and sarah mclachlin is so wonderfully intellectually sensually emo, especially when she sings... i just want her voice to wrap around me and hold me as i crumble into the sadness of life (which i do now and then cuz i've known some challenges and disappointments and hard times, truly hard rain and beating downs and even though i luckily (or wisely, or both) don't linger there too often, i do crave a dive into the depths of a seriously uninhibited cry and the unconditional trust and belief that someone might care enough to hold me and understand and see the strength deeper still now and then...

yes, simply, singing some sarah songs can always inspire sweet tears to roll out of my eyes and in the quiet moments when i forget the rush of the day and oligations and life and responsibilities she can almost remind me how to sing... cuz i once did... sing, that is... but that's another time and i've come a long way down from there and i may never go back again no matter how sad that may seem to the fe who knew me once upon a time when songs were breathes and feelings were rhymes...

ah, have the bittersweet memories come for a visit here tonight?... well, you know what that means... it means i might just have to give up still more sleep and ramble on through some blues (oh, if only there was time, but i have so very much work to focus on tomorrow to be prepared for the big monthly meeting on thursday and have dinner plans for tomorrow night and another softball game for thursday night and three softball games over the past three days and lots of number crunching and report building at work and more and more and more and sleep is a fading memory as this merry-go-round of work and softball and parties/dinners and playing games with words and games into the night has been going round and round for so many months now and i've hardly had a day off to catch my breath as i was busy on-call two of the last three weekends and am on-call again this weekend and the extra money can buy a better coffin i suppose, but who's gonna make the arrangements after all as i have no family or really close enough people and i wonder if anyone i know would step up even if they could (perhaps i should draw up a will, aye?)...

could be this nearly ghoulish appearance is influenced by the coming holiday that celebrates ghouls and the like and perhaps the aloneness of life is weighing heavier than usual as the desire to share intimacy is higher than usual which causes the loneliness to grow bigger than usual and here we are, all by myself (don't wanna be), alone again, naturally...

maybe the opera singer on the local college tv station will halp (more likely the singing factor will bring more emo, but then, giggles are emo too (nyuk nyuk, and all)...

in the end, it's all about the lost words... losing words is painful, it is losing a piece of self, the thoughts and emotions and me that went into the words feels dissolved and gone without the chance to be read, retained, or shared... so let's mourn the lost words and shed a tear for the part of me that never was...

sigh (with that incorrigible giggle too)...

so whatcha been up too? :)

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)