yesterday (or some time in the past 40 hours or so) I did some wandering and reading (yes, sometimes I actually stop and smell the roses, or actually pause to read entries in my web travels, to be less metaphoric) and left a few notes during my visits... so this entry will be composed of some of the notes, if only because there's nothing oing on in life (in black and white) to write about and the last thing I want to do is bore everyone with more complaints or whining about whatever (or lonely laments)...

I visited z0tl and it appeared that he actually has not written an entry since September (it's sometimes not easy to tell with z0tl, since time is quite relative and the dates on his entries tend to change), which reminded me that I've not visted most of the people on my various favorites lists in longer than I realized... just what I need, huh, another reason to alas... anyway, this is what I thought to leave:

I feel sometimes like someone ought to walk up to me and say, "I understand you've had your head in the sand, is it any wonder why everyone calls you an asshole?" or, from a less severe perspective, "No wonder you're crabby."

what light upon yon broken window?... 'tis the serious irreverence within the irreverent seriousness, no doubt and then the question rises from the depths of the bowels, when?... and all we have to answer for the moment is patience and more patience, for there is no other answer for the moment... how much of my personal abstractness, borne of my own personal avoidance of my own personal journey, might be reflected (or is that reflective, it's so hard to be sure when one distracts so well as I), might be viewed as rejection instead of the aimlessness it is... consistent understanding is so rare, so it should be more appreciated...

wonderful, words from you... I relate and do not want to and smile at that feeling cuz your words reach me even when I take my inner phone off the hook (and I tell myself I will not avoid, and then, time passes and distraction so neatly fits everywhere and poof, I missed stuff, which is a little sad but more exciting than anything else)... I hope my recent personal wallowing and head-in-sand distancing myself from everything has not been taken personally... sometimes we just need to wander aimlessly to find ourselves...

too well I understand the the feeling of forsaking and being forsaken, the waiting waiting?) and so many words written by so many (always in me, they come, they churn, they digest my numbness and leave me wanting more and wondering if there is any more left, so focused on me I forget how much I miss)... sometimes, when I remember, I laugh at myself...

and to me, personally, the one before is so familiar (maybe because I have always been waiting, but I feel I've read it before) and the current one is so not familiar (maybe because I have not felt connected, maybe never, so I see a tearing away as abstract, not personalized, and therein do not fear it)... the first I have always wished would end, that whatever I was waiting for would arrive and the latter I have always wished wiuld end, that I could feel a belonging that would kill me to lose... maybe I'm just a narcissist after all...

and then there was the following thought (or thoughts) that I think came out in a note or comments to someone, but I am not sure just whyere or when I was inspired to ponder as such... this is what happens when wandering hour after hour after work and without sleep... I can guess that this was written somewhere after the fortieth hour awake one night (and it might have been the note that DLand ate mentioned in the last note I left for a-rosewithin, who I keep referring to a-flowerwithin for some reason so the links to her site have not been working and I must fix that when i figure out how to find which pages the links are on, but that's besides the point, right?) and I modified it (the note) here for clarity or for some reason...

long to wander aimlessly, sprinkling soft drops of rain with occasional waking with the sting of hail stones, but mostly leaving moist caresses on those along the way, though a facilitator's solitary life is full of sharing, still the traveller remains alone, blessed by the fruits of the seeding, a gardener basking in the joy of observing the growing and bonding and mutual beauty created within the sharing of fantasy, romance, and play that comes of truly trusting and giving of self, yet knowing we are always on the outside looking in... to be an overseer, yet not intentionally an egocentric god-head, the logic dictates that letting go and becoming part of the river of dreams and passions and romantic fantasies would be abandoning those who look to the shore for guidance and support and reassurance and yet, it is lonely on the shore...

geee, that almost sounds Gibranesque, if you know what I mean... hardly seems like a personal lament, but then, who knows what it might be (only one who'd come exploring the depths of the night with me)...

speaking of people who write brief intriguing entries, I there are probably many who are happy to find out that Eric Anthony is back to continue writing his unique perspective on his world... I have no note to include here because I did not leave him a note because his notes are turned off (and he has no comments or guestbook and can only be reached through email)... he used to have contests and gave out gifts to readers, which was great marketing for his diary and maybe have contributed to his enormous list of linkers (people who list him as a favorite), but I believe he did it out of the goodness of his heart even more than for attention and his popularity is well deserved... a lot of his entries are keepers... in some ways, he inspired the funda (as did z0tl) to seek something worth reading in few words... sometimes there aren't any clever words, so all I can say is welcome back...

. o O ( and sometimes I am just left speechless ) O o .

. o O ( in a good way ) O o .

gumphood is a guy I like to read, but like most of the people I like to read, I don't get to read too often... heck, I still have the seventh book in Stephen King's The Dark Tower series to finish... anyway, over at the tag board at candora Gump asked me if I was Amy (you may remember, you may not, you can ask, and I'll ask if you read all of these and then the rest of my web world and then I'd look you in the eye and see how much you really wanted to know and if you were still asking, I'd try to answer)... anyway, I answered the question and hope this note also reminds me to visit my favorites more often...

about a million years ago, or maybe last month, you asked if I was Amy... no, I am not Amy... I was, like the song says, once in love with Amy and felt we were one person, but we were actually two people (that became extruciatingly evident the day we parted, but that was, as the song goes, another time... a long long time ago)... thanks for asking though, for it shows you stumbled into my web world somehow and even if it was just for a moment, I appreciate it, especially because I respect you and enjoy your writing when I remember to come around and read... I hope your arm feels better and you are a happy gump today, for you deserve happy good feelings... and be careful scratching under your cast, ok?

and this is a note to all those who list favorites:

in my web travels recently I've come across an almost annoying array of locked or dormant diaries (and journals and blogs and such) and wonder why people list links of diaries that nobody can read without a secret password without mentioning they are locked... I mean, let us know that we'll be running into a closed door (or the hard wall of utter rejection) when we click on your highly recommended links... that way we won't think you set us up for failure and hate us because we are not worthy...

I stopped by a lot more sites (perhaps you noticed) and sometimes spent a moment and sometimes read a lot and I even left a few other notes, but you don't want me to include every note I leave everywhere in these entries, now do you?... I guess this rhetorical question is my way of bring this entry to a close, huh... yeah, well, no profound conclusions, no massive impulses of energy, no fantastic finish, just a few snips of the wandering I do and what it inspires... et tu?...

and this is where I wandered this week...

and this is where I wandered this week...

and this is where I wandered this week...

(and more)

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)