and I think of John's song... and once again, unfortunately, war is not over... but so many don't even realize this... so many do not remember that their newly re-elected President went against world opinion and, based on lies about weapons of mass destruction that he used to scare people into blindness (as many dictators have throughout history), invaded another country and killed thousands (maybe many more) of women and children trying to live good lives... collateral damage... the ends justify the means... but what ends?...

so what shall this entry be about (reflection on how blessed we are, no doubt)... we shall see (I am feeling rather dichotomous, torn even... it usually happens right about now... so lets start in the daily life... I spent the even resting (mostly because I had a very sleepless and stress-filled week and I have a kick-me-in-the-head cold, but also because I have no family or intimates in this life and did not feel like doing the superficial holiday thing with strangers or casual friends) and watching sports and some Sci-Fi movies and reading some favorites... so this entry will be reflections inspired by those I've visited tonight... people who write words or share creativity in other ways on the web who are very worth visiting... people I feel strongly are very worth knowing... people I wish I knew better and hope to, someday... people I would like to call friends...

and then there's this holiday... supposedly a holy day, but look around... need I say more in introduction to this entry that I already have?... as with most entries where I let myself feel and express myself without thinking about outcome or propriety, it may be a bit of a roller coaster... if you need a warning about bluntness, consider that it... I mean no offense and wish no harm to anyone... and closing my mind or restricting my thought process is harmful to me (and you and hopefully you won't do that to yourself... try to remember that if you find offense in anything, it's probably because you've closed your mind to something)... think, feel, and on that note, have fun...

I love her mind... I want to bottle her thoughts and carry them around so I can drink some whenever I feel frustrated or down...

some may see only cynicism or angst or something not so positive in her words and if those views are right, then I must be just as cynical or angst-ridden or worse because, especially in my serious moments (and I have them now and then), I relate so well to so much of what she writes (especially over at her LJ, which is locked, so not linked)... true intelligence and wisdom is not welcome in our culture because it challenges the status quo and dares to remove the thin veil of pretentiousness...

is Xmas a spiritual celebration or a commercial enterprise?...

even ardent cynics might like to believe it is both, but then, spirituality and the human way of expressing it would have to be explored and do we really want to explore the true history and workings of the religious systems and organizations in this world?... could we without drowning in the rhetoric, blindness, and blood?... I don't think so, not without closing our minds...

good thing forgiveness is around, huh?...

I do not claim to know what is right or wrong for you or anyone else... I only know what I feel and observe and understand and perceive from my perspective and for me, kilowatt represents the hope for change, the potential for enlightenment, the power humanity could attain... and girlsuicide is much closer to the reality of humanity in our culture today...

"morality is a judgment made by the winners long after the war is over"

who said that?... I probably paraphrased it, but if you do not see the truth in the words, then I pity you and your immortal soul (or whatever we might call the potential for eternal energy and consciousness that may be within us)... is it irony that the word immortal is so close to the word immoral?...

so I go wandering for positivity again and found my way back to , a beautiful angel, who lead me to think about I Ching, specifically these words:

Understand where you are now, and you rediscover your power to make changes. This is the heart of I Ching divination. When you can really see into the present moment, all its possibilities open out before you - and you are free to create your future.

that present themselves when going to this site... and I realized that I stagnate not due to ignorance of my ability to change anything at any moment, but by choice, moment to moment... at this moment, I find no reason or motivation in this life (and not enough internal desire) to change anything going on in my life at the moment (other than the day to day interactions at work where I do what little I can to help others change their lives amidst a system that is rotting from inside and out)... sad, huh?...

I look at what we humans do with creativity and interesting ideas... with potential... take the concept of traveling through time, for example (yes, let's add this moment's TV influences for distraction, err, I mean an example, yeah, right)... take the film Time Cop (please... ok, let's look past the bad acting, script, and story flaws)... time travel and macho crap... everything is about macho crap... humanity is about power, control, domination, ego trips, macho crap... but that's just a movie...

not Xmas, right?...

whatever happened to Miracle on 34th St or It's A Wonderful Life or even How The Grinch Stole Christmas... whatever happened to believing in the goodness of the human heart... maybe it's still around, or maybe it was as much a fantasy back then as it is today... after all, wars were even more horrible, dictators even more cruel, atrocities even more horrific back when we thought kids could play safely on the street and walks in the park were safe even after dark and... maybe we were just fooling ourselves and just as many kids were abused and women raped and people tortured and killed back then, maybe we just were keeping track as well and people weren't reporting it as much... were there more or fewer cruelties, wars, or slaves a hundred or two hundred or five hundred years ago?... are we going forward toward goodness and kindness and peace or moving further away?... are we actually learning anything, moving closer to enlightenment and the gods so many seek or are we fooling ourselves and just becoming ignorant suicidal pretenders?...

it is sad that sensitivity to suffering and anger about the apathy that condones and perpetuates suffering is so often misunderstood and sometimes judged poorly by those who know little or nothing about it... that's the way it's always been was never enough justification for me for any of the atrocious omissions of compassion in the supposedly righteous faiths of mankind... as long as people are not actually living the love and truly sharing the gifts they have with those who need them most, no faith has succeeded in it's proposed intent... if one's behavior is different, if one's spirit is more giving during one time of year or on one day than at any other time, then the whole point of the words of goodness upon which the holiday is based seems missed...

and so it is Christmas... so it is... the merchants and money-changers own the temple again, and the doors are closed to those who do not buy in...

may we all do better next year.

that's my prayer or wish for everyone, may we all do better next year... I don't know if you can read the entry that helped inspire my comment (I'm not sure if a comment can be linked when the journal is locked), but it all fits into this December 25th entry... my Xmas message?... Chanuka oh Chanuka?... Kwanzaa?...

ho ho ho?...

maybe we are growing as a species... maybe we are closer to enlightenment than ever before... throughout history, we are told history repeated itself... as if history did it... but it's people just like you and me who close their eyes and minds and ignore the obvious lessons we could have learned could a Hitler happen again?...

I stopped before I got into details, like lies about weapons and oil men getting rich off the blood of their sons... oh, but not their sons, surely... whenever war comes, politicians and big business have no young men eligible to rally round the flag and give their lives for their country, do they?...

and as long as there is ignorance and fear of different ways and thoughts and cultures, there will be prejudice and fools ready to hate others en masse based on their color or dress or cultural ways... and that's how wars can be fueled and money can be made... and that's the way it is, Friday, December 25th, 2004 as the snow falls somewhere and the children are tucked into their safe comfy beds far from anything that might hurt them and the stockings are hung from the, wait, what's that on the roof?...

Santa?...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)