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last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


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ONE. . . WHY
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o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

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ABOUT ZOOPLA

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THE FAILURE


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USE THEM





FAT MAN WALKING
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FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
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itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2006-02-21 - 8:05 a.m.

the flow


and after the pause I followed the flow into my broken heart and all I have lost and though it was hard because scars still remain I was once again blessed with a way through the pain and the story continues even if it's insane from the first to the last it is all still the same... I usually pull my rhymes out of the flow of my babblings (unless they are not very long) because I believe most of you come for the babbling, not for the rhymes (or else you'd frequent my other more poetical diaries more often, right?), but I decided to create this entry from the last three rhymes that were written during the flow of the next entry just to give you an example of the flow of the words as they attempt to express the roller coaster of the love, the music, and me...

hopefully that made sense to you because I am doing this for you in order for you to get a little better understanding of my writing process (which I humbly call the method to my madness, kind of mocking and honoring it with a name)...

before I explain any more and therein risk even further confusion, these are the rhymes (with a touch of extra commentary in between) that were pulled out of the flow of words that, without the rhymes, became the next entry...



when I first broke up with my first true love
I listened to the Bee Gees greatest hits
and Elton John and Cat Stevens
soothed my heart although it was in bits

when I wandered alone aching for a friend
who would understand the passions I could feel
I listened to Harry Chapin story songs
and understood how music made words real

and then when the pain of the loss grew too great
and I reached for drugs and drink to escape
I listened to Pink Floyd while I played the buffoon
welcoming the machine on the dark side of the moon

and emotions became a game I could play
like a story in a song I could perform
I don't know if I would have made it any other way
music got me through my darkest storm

and now as I think back on my first true love
I listen to my heart and write my song
for true love that is never ending
soothes my heart by being safe and strong

for a love that is never ending
is where me and my heart belong


I am as shameless as Billy Joel or Garth Brooks
I'll do anything to make you feel my love
I'm as holy as Jesus Christ Superstar
as I believe there is nothing that my love can't rise above
I'm as horny as Led Zeppelin or Bare Naked Ladies (Aguilera)
and Portishead can express how I feel (Madonna)
I can fly with John Denver or Jim Croche (Crash Test Dummies)
or with Stevie Nicks landslide I can kneel (Linda Ronstadt)
(as the landslide brings me down,
oh,
the landslide brings me down)
and with the Moody Blues I am saved by the music
and the Beatles from beginning to end
as true love has always been my one true savior
music has always been my friend


so now as I think back on my first true love
I listen to my heart and write my song
for true love that is never ending
soothes my heart by being safe and strong

for a love that is never ending
is where me and my heart belong



and as Helen Reddy once sang, you can't stay a stranger to a song... somewhere deep inside where I am still alive the music plays I hear a symphony of songs my heart has written or adopted along the way... music was always my best friend, my favorite and most reliable drug, my key to peace and security and sanity... I struggle to catch my breath when music is not an active part of my daily life... for as writing is how my heart and mind breathes, singing is how my spirit and soul breathes... and it's been a long time, locked in a prison of silence...



I am a singer, a lover of song,
locked in a prison of silence
I am a secret, a lover of mystery,
but there is no longer any suspense
I am a dreamer, a lover of peace and love,
trapped wide awake in a nightmare
of fear, hate, and pain
oh have I gone insane?
what happened, or don't you care?
what happened to the love we used to share?
what happened to the songs we used to share?

remember when the music... was real and strong
remember when the song made us all sing along
remember when we believed that our voices could be heard
now I don't hear a sound, not a word
if it was not so sad, it'd be absurd...


so as I say welcome to my world, I wonder
why anyone would want to come in when
it is nowhere I want to stay
misery might love company
but I've had enough misery for one day
and I can't seem to get what I want or what I need,
wish I might, wish I may
first star I see tonight is the second star on the right,
but all the fairy dust has blown away
and the first and deepest cut of all
is that the music still will not play


remember when the music... was real and strong
remember when the song made us all sing along
remember when we believed that our voices could be heard
now I don't hear a sound, not a word

is it time to say goodbye
tell me that is a lie
in this silent prison
dry tears don't cry

how can I say hello
when the air does not flow
through my throat or my ears
it's the worst of my fears

in this prison of silence
a life without substance
the greedy get rich while the rest of us bitch
cuz we're too lazy to scratch the itch
so tell me
what good is wishing upon a star
if we're still too afraid to be who we are?

I am a singer, a lover of song,
locked in a prison of silence
I am a secret, a lover of mystery,
but there is no longer any suspense
I am a dreamer, a lover of peace and love,
trapped wide awake in a nightmare
of fear, hate, and pain
oh have I gone insane?
what happened, or don't you care?
what happened to the love we used to share?
what happened to the songs we used to share?

remember when the music... was real and strong
remember when the song made us all sing along
remember when we believed that our voices could be heard
now I don't hear a sound, not a word
if it was not so sad, it'd be absurd...



maybe you can see in the flow of the words how a musical show can come of my sessions (when the time was available and the energy was "me" then dozens of rhymes would flow in a single session... oh how the magical wonder of music flowed through me then)... this three entry example (yesterday being included now) would be a blip, a tenth or less of the typical session... how I wish you were there... there used to be colors... what happened to the colors?... and where have all the flowers gone?...


. o O ( it's so easy to be sad when you're aware ) O o .


but I do have the key (I just need to use it)...



but the key is the will to survive and be happy
determination keeps me knowing I am free
to find the silver lining in the darkest cloud
and find the positivity in me

even lost in the wilderness of raging frustration
or wasting away on a cloud of apathy
even running in circles of procrastination
or buried in fear of every mystery

I know in my heart that I can find a reason
and time is a moment that never will end
and everything changes so why should I worry
we can make it better, together, my friend

but the key is the will to survive and be happy
relaxed concentration keeps us knowing what to do
we can find the silver lining in the darkest cloud
by finding the positivity in you

all we need to do is want to...

and the key is the will to survive and be happy
determination keeps me knowing I am free
to find the silver lining in the darkest cloud
by finding the positivity in me



someday an editor will come along and want to play with all the words and then maybe the song in my heart that I write will finally be heard... now that would be music to my ears (even without the music, but so much sweeter if something was recorded in song... there's only a million to choose from... ok, so not a million... a hundred thousand, at least, and more if the could all be found)...



if you have the time and the inclination
and the skill for a book or a song
here are the words for your emancipation
we've been here all along






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


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