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2003-10-26 - 11:56 a.m. that's life the relativity of memory and mood and swirls around my mind (as I sit in stagnating air soaked with the spray of fried meat fat... at least the smokes alarms stopped ringing... they are a pain because they are hard wired and very sensitive, so the only cure is opening windows and doors and swinging magazines in the air around them cuz ripping them from the wall breaks the lease and I think sets off an alarm at the office and maybe even the police and fire department, but that could just be somebody's paranoia or an old wives tale told by the manager who doesn't want them ripped from the wall) and the bottom line is that I have not been in the mood to make anything interesting, so life has not been interesting for me lately... it is a matter of perspective, so much more a matter of perspective than a matter of what is actually happening... even a life that appears lifeless, boring, empty, can be enjoyed and feel exciting (what is excitement if not mostly anticipation?) if the desire to be happy and see the wonder of each moment is strong enough to override the boredom or apathy or ambivalence and depression-type thoughts that are at the root of a negative or uninspired perspective... so just want to be happy and you are... yeah, ok, great, thank you Stuart Smalley... excuse me if I feel a little more cynical than Sally Fields accepting the academy award right now... actually, cynicism is more fun and interesting and amusing than the blahs that have seeped in everywhere in this life (perpective, remember, it's all perspective... starts from within, up to the individual, just a choice, oh shut up)... so I can think about how lucky I am to see a sunrise because blind people can not... and I can think about how lucky I am to hear the rain because deaf people can not... and I can think about how lucky I am to walk out the door on my two legs because parapalegics can not... and I can think about how lucky I am to be able to run five miles an hour for more than an hour because most people can not (especially not people who were experimenting with drugs in the sixties and seventies, huh?... yeah, cynical)... what?... inconsistency?... hypocrisy?... confusion?... yeah, that's life...
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