LIFE

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MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

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Harry Chapin Lyrics
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TO READ and EXPLORE)

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common dreams
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mediate
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odd todd
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the onion
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post secret
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landover baptist
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COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
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real doll (p)
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(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
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PO BOX 780398
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send me some music
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last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2006-02-04 - 11:23 a.m.

teach your children well (hanging participles)


ok, getting down to the bottom of the current scribble files now, let's see what sort of entry we can make out of what is left (heck, if I bring all the scribble files from all the computers I've had together I could probably fill a whole new diary for a year or few, especially since I could easily make a few or even a dozen entries out of each of my entries... but I don't babble for the volume or quantity, I babble to release the thought energy constantly building up in my mind most of the time... that is, most of the time the thought energy is building up in my mind and most of the time I babble to release it... though there are those times I clear my mind completely {ah, sweet blissful meditation, marathoning, or really intense sex, to name a few of those times}, usually the mind is running it's own mental marathon on many different paths ad infinitum... and that's what's going on inside - not even counting the external scribble files)...

there are those who can not be still or quiet... there are those who appear (behaviorally) to exhibit no inner voice or focus, no meditative quality that satisfies them... these people are constantly seeking interaction of any kind, constantly chattering and either asking questions (the passive insecurity) or telling someone what is right or wrong with something (the aggressive insecurity)... these people apparently can not internalize comfortably and therefore are on a constant quest, unconsciously and consciously, for better or worse, to interact...

that is so not me...

which may seem contrary to how I might appear in babbling at times, but surely you do not think I am one dimensional if you've been reading here a while, aye?...

not to say there is anything wrong for those who are as I described in the previous (second) paragraph... it is just not me (the me you would mostly likely meet off paper)... I know a secure bottom line security and comfort within me completely independent of anything outside of the mental space in which I exist... I could play in here forever and love it if there was no opportunity to share, but I long to share because there is that opportunity in this life...

this is what I believe...

it is the difference between need and desire that so few seem to clarity for themselves in my experience with discussing the words and feelings with others... I seek the words to express what I mean in terms of need and want for myself now...

at my core, centered, bottom line - I need only what I want...

if I did not want to know, to be, I would not need consciousness or sentience... if I did not want to live in this life in this body, I would not need this body or the food, water, shelter, movement, and other survival elements required to sustain this body... if I did not want to share with others in this life, I would need no others except those assisting in providing the survival elements... if I did not want to fall in love, I would not need intimacy and to find someone who fits my whole personality and characteristics...

need is a secondary consequence of desire, of want...

and desire is a decision...

whether we let our conscious mind in on it or not, whether we let our conscious mind be the leading voice in the decision making process, wanting is a choice we make... from the Amazon gift lists so many have out here in cyberspace to the items we buy each day for ourselves, we choose what we want... and from the vote we cast (if we vote) in annual elections to the mate we choose to share our lives, we choose what we want... we choose our opinions on everything whether it is material or a thought subject... whether it is social, political, economic, ethical, moral, spiritual, physical, material, or ethereal in some other way, we choose an opinion and feel about the subject or thing based on that opinion...

unfortunately (at least I think it is unfortunate), many people, perhaps most people do not choose consciously, many do not even acknowledge (or believe) they have a choice... they are told what to think (and how they feel) about everything from the time they can first hear or as Cat Stevens so eloquently put it "from the moment I could talk, I was ordered to listen..."

many (or most) people are slaves to their education and victims of their unconscious... talk about the blind leading the blind, it's almost funny if it were not such a sad waste of the human potential in this life...

most of what a child learns in his or her first human education in this life is fear-based... the first (and apparently most important) word a child often hears is "no"... parents fear the child's fearless curiosity, often with good reason, and must set limits on the child... no!, a finger in the eye will hurt... no!, putting that in your mouth will hurt... no!, crawling there will hurt... no!, climbing leads to falling and falling will hurt... no!, walking away from me leads to any number of hurts... no!, stepping off the curb will hurt... no!, staying out after dark will hurt... no!, all play and no work will hurt... no!, dating will hurt... no!, no!, no!, because everything will hurt, potentially at least...

a caring parent's instinct is to want to lock a child up forever so they will never be hurt, but reason seasons that instinct (and hopefully some strength of security, self-esteem, and unselfish giving of independent life plays a role) so the child eventually (it does, by tradition and law, take many years in our culture, after all) gets to make his or her own choices (and therein maybe realizes he or she has a choice...

ultimately, the child has the choice right from the start... it's the big secret we keep from children, that they can, from the very first interaction, choose to listen or ignore, to follow or wander, to do as they are told or to do something else...

we apparently think that the consequences of the child realizing he or she has the choice are so dangerous that we use force, mental, emotional, spiritual, physical, any force, sometimes great force, to convince the child that he or she has no choice and therefore must obey the parent...

no wonder most people (no less parents) do not realize that they have a choice in everything they do, from what to wear when they dress, to what to eat when they eat, to how to think, feel, react to, and do anything and everything... including how to teach a child...

so rather than change the cycle, the victimization of free will continues from generation to generations... the infinite wonder of childhood is squashed into a cultural norm, a box so small that in way too many cases the body and mind is damaged trying to squeeze into it...

now I do not advocate complete permissiveness in teaching or interacting with children... in any interaction, in fact by the very definition of the word interaction, some limits must be set (unless we are considering the apparently consciousnessless interactions between planetary bodies or subatomic particles)... in sentient interaction, for it to continue beyond a moment of bumping into each other, some paths must be forged, some knowledge must be shared, and in turn, some guides and limits must be set...

of course we do not want a child to learn how dangerous some things can be by first hand experiencing them... on the other hand, we teach a child nothing by telling the child something in a void, without context that the child can bring into their personal experience... we teach a child nothing by keeping a child away from a fire... we protect a child from nothing by putting up a wall around information, by laying down unexplained rules, or by simply teaching them to understand the word they probably hear most in their lives, no!...

then again, perhaps we do teach them something...

to close their minds, follow blindly, and to fear...

learning is an interactive experience, even at it's most elemental thought process level... a child learns to think by thinking and without learning this, the child can learn nothing else... that child can only follow the rules set forth and will choose, wherever possible, whatever everybody else is choosing and when left to his or her own devices, will most often choose nothing (except maybe to sit in front of a television and watch other people making fictional choices in their fictional lives)...

maybe the scariest question I ponder in this life is

how many of us are in that state
throughout how much of our lives?






. o O ( pause ) O o .






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


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