and I read about her singing and suddenly an old song came to mind... and the feeling stirred somewhere deep inside...

maybe sadder still is what good are ears without the sound of a friend's voice (or a lover's voice, for that matter)... and while Precious sits munching chocolate and drinking Pepsi (after eating a couple of hot dogs for dinner), I realize that I have been buried a long time (nothing new, but closer to feeling it at the moment than I have in some time... I have to get up to get something for Precious just now and then I'll have to get ready for work, but this is what I wrote about a half hour ago to someone who cares about me:

I have been buried a long time deep in anti-social habits (not bad things, just no-things)... I mean, I've been incommunicato except for my rambling entries, maybe sending a random email now and then, but I haven't been to my DLand buddies lists in
months... daring people to forget me, perhaps... or maybe just not feeling like being real about the loneliness and lack of social life in my life...

but anyway, I impulsively opened my profile tonight and found myself, for the first time in months, clicking on my favorites in the candoor profile...

and shucks if I'm not kicking the dirt under my shoes and feeling bashfully flattered by your personal message to me in your sorta final entry...

so anyway, I thank you... and I appreciate you... and...

. o O ( this is what usually happens when I feel the depths ) O o .

and I wake most evenings to find my roommate's teenage daughter waiting for me because she's bored and lonely and wants someone to talk to and sometimes the parent in me senses she really needs some conversation and sometimes the lonely guy in me is succeptible to any sort of conversation and always she presents some sort of distraction (a happy bubbly friendly positive curious precious distraction though) and I don't get much (if anything) done that I wanted to get done in my own head or in my writing or music or anything more personal... it doesn't help that she's a TV addict and the tube never goes off... but anyway, as I sit down to write an email she's bubbling over with questions about this or that... or she's needing to tell somebody about school... or something... and her dad sleeps most of the evening most every evening because he works nights and stays awake during the day when she's at school until she gets home ans spends an hour or two and then she's on her own each evening... and here we are... why don't I write emails?... well...

the living environment is only the easiest and best excuse... the rest comes out in my writings now and then, but because there's almost no private time to write, so not much comes out much... no-thing, get it?... so I guess I'm
not actually anti-social, just no-social...

doesn't feel much better, but at least I can laugh at my word play...

I hope life is going well in your new place... let me know, if you have the time

this entry would probably lead me to deeper stuff (it has certainly been many months since I made time for much more than this babbling... maybe some of you remember my candor when I had time to dig deeper than this diary does... or mock profundity or something like that... to actually do something to improve life, I must dig through the baggage and obstacles, sort through the accumulated deadwood and inspirations, and release balloons and bombs and some more concrete thoughts (and creative bursts of colors) so I can know more about where I've been and what options are available to me and what I want now and how I can go about getting it... but for now, I shall go give what I all I can for that is the best I can do and that pleases me, and it is time to get to work... so I close with this thought...

enjoy your life as much as you can, even if you feel out of control or buried in responsibilities and obligations, make the most of each moment...

and this is where I wandered today...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)