I think I am a voyeur*... wait, I love voyeuring, come to think of it (yes, just one more bit of proof that I am a flaming perv), but I am doing something new in voyeuring lately... I didn't even realize I was doing it, because I was actually intending to read and respond and... I sit there reading and reading some more and I am smiling, then giggling, then smiling more and feeling like I'm in a room full of old friends and the weird thing is I feel like I belong there and I read more and click on links and time passes and I read more and all of a sudden I realize that I'm kicked-back comfortable as if I'm naked at home with family and boing, the brain reminds me that I'm actually voyeuring... literary voyeuring... reading someone's person writings and conversations between friends in comments and I don't know anybody, actually, so where do I get off getting kicked-back-naked comfortable?...

she's a pixie, I tell ya, and she's cast some sort of spell on me with pixie dust or something cuz I just moved in like I've always been there and nobody knows and that doesn't matter to me because it feels like I belong and even if I don't I don't mind being a picture on the wall (hope they don't feel too haunted by the strange solitary figure lurking in the dark corners) just reading and not realizing I have nothing to say because I really don't know anybody there and still that doesn't matter cuz it's like I've always been there and...

a puppy... that's it, I feel just like a puppy who's kind of on a different level of communication and has nothing much to add to the conversation but still loves just being around the people... is this all getting to strange for you?...

maybe I'm supposed to email the girl and make some effort at actually getting to know her better, but somewhere in my brain I think I am being clever as only puppies can be and animorphing this entry into some sort of apology for being the worst email correspondent ever, but then, I'm not even sure we've been properly introduced or broken the ice in the email realm ("?")...

I couldn't just be shy, could I?...

that would be so unlike me (or little do we know the babble is all a show that hides the simple child who is not quite so wild and free but just a fantasy of the me I want to be?)... oh let's not get too complex with self-analysis, alright?... put on some Brian Wilson (the Beach Boys to a previous generation) and sail back to the times when music was intricate weavings of sounds and words were meerly statements of life, love, and the pursuit of simple things...

good vibrations, I hope...

shifting gears with Bjork, whom I'd really like to know from the inside (and there was not sexual connotation to that particular desire) because she wakes up my brain with sounds that ask me to pay attention if only to see if I can discern between musical intent and imitation old vynil record scratches (but I jest) no really, her sound is mezmerizing (and I wonder why some consider it annoying, but then, there are those who thought Sinatra sang devil's music, and Elvis, and The Beatles, and... probably Beethovan, in his time)... and some people think R. Kelly a genius while others think it's just music for undressing young girls, but all that's besides the point, because I want to be part of a world of beautiful art-on-the-edge people just like lastyearsgirl and Bjork and Jeanine Garofalo, even... Tori Amos can come too... oh, can she...

ok, so call me weird, but my first thought was but where does he keep his balls?... or was that weird'e keep his balls?... if he was wearing a kilt, would there be nothing under it but leg?... I think I must study... Scotland influences the thought process, obviously and ok, Iceland calls me too, but then, I've always loved water... not so much ice though, except in drinks on hot days... I love hot days... and nights... sweat is stimulating water... if only we could move the islands below the Tropic of Cancer, or above Capricorn, for that matter (I am lost geographically, for a moment, thought I had a mother once who was a Capricorn and Amy was a Saggitarius... I was much closer to Amy, once in love and all that... my first french kiss was from an Aries... Aries are usually intense... I was almost killed by a Leo a few times, repeatedly, in fact... and a Pisces and a few Scorpios were the most devoted ever to me, bless them... but this is just one more nearly meaningless {but mostly harmless} aside distracting us from the real purpose of this entry, which is probably not going to surface due to lack of time and other life stuff so we'll just close the parenthese now and pretend that it never happened... as if we could forget) I'd be a happy camper... yes, give me the tropics, keep the ice cool for visiting ski vacations and climactic balance...

I am not nearly as clever as I poorly pretend to be...

even if I love many diverse musics...

I will not take responsibility for this, since he gets everywhere (so that's where Jesus is hanging out these days... and who's hiding out in your uterus?) first, even if he credits friends who have a thing for barnyard animals and enjoy games that involve doing odd things with household pets for his unique mind...

I am a shameless link-dropper (that'd be a name-dropper without leaving the actual names of the people being dropped into the casual flow of an otherwise unavailing entry... sue, I put words together in odd ways, but pets?... I must try that one of these days... or at least we could go out for a drink sometime, maybe), but I seek not only to associate myself with more creative and wise people (if only they knew I existed), but also to bring you, dear readers, the essense of my soul (or, in this case, at least some amusing browsing material while to explore when you are all through reading my babble... you do have a laptop and internet connection in your bathroom, don't you?... in the future every bathroom, especially guest bathrooms, must have one... great for camping)...

you (and I) should read these people over there more often... I wish I had more time...

and someday, I'll find time for prompts and stuff too...

*for the voyeurs (note, supposedly adult content... or at least some shocking words and ideas deemed obscene or perverse in most polite social circles... some tongue in cheek, some angry reflections of real life observed or experienced in and out of therapy... above all else, it's for purely educational and entertainment and whatever other value you make of it and no harm intended, so don't bring any, ok?)

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)