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2009-04-28 - 12:33 a.m. stopping by startlingly refreshing, the babbler breathes as if never before, as if reborn (every time we open our eyes) and sunshine lollipops rainbow pudding pops as if you never knew everything you could do and suddenly, everything makes sense there's a world of suspense just beyond the picket fence so relaxing and so intense and ahhhhhh...
an awakening of sorts, from the television of all places, as i turned it on and actually listened for a few moments and realized the obvious, that there are so many celebrities i never heard of and what's more, i am happy about that (happy about being ignorant?... oh dear, i must be giving up on the human race or something)... i never did connect cable or satellite or anything here and for the first seven months living here i didn't plug in the tv... i barely missed it, except when some major sport thing was on or my curiosity about a few sci-fi-ish shows nudged me a bit (of course that could be mostly libido seeking a cheap thrill, but anyway, i really do not know so many celebrities)... but who knew shirley manson was on the sarah conner chronicles when all i wanted to do was undress the other terminator girl ever since firefly... meanwhile, in the tragic comedy of the roller coaster drama i loosely call my life, i killed the laptop... i deleted something like twain_32 and and the machine will no longer boot up... it hangs and we were all so sad, the peanut gallery, the writers, the babblers, and me... the writer's almost went on strike, but they couldn't type up the notice, so they wandered off into the night with all their delusions of grandeur as if someone might notice... meanwhile, i just went out and bought a new laptop... yeah, after all these years of procrastinating and expressing intricate excuses so very abivalently, i would not go more than a day with a computer... i didn't even hook up the mac g2 that's been sitting under the table for years, nope, too lazy... it was so much easier to settle on this toshiba a300 that best buy had sitting on their shelves... i'll tell you about it some time, if you're geek enough... yeah, so as usual, i really should be sleeping... you know who you can count on in this world, especially if you know me, but you may fool yourself into believing something that is not even when you are given the gift of something that is... it's sometimes an ego thing, sometimes a foolish choice, sometimes just not caring enough, but if you overcome those and all the other excuses and traps, you'll know... and for those of you who missed your chance, well, you know too well... still crazy after all these years and most of all, still here... you're so goofy, you think pluto revolves around you... friends who come and go are not friends, unless they remain in the heart, heart to heart, john denver was so right... so i am learning all the fun stuff on this new computer (addicted to chess, no less) and life is still too much fun to sleep much... enjoying work, though way too many hours are being spent there... they are finally buying me a laptop which might let me do some work from home so i can tear myself away from the desk more often and manage my time better... i'm even on call every few weekends now, which is insane, but that part of me that thrives on being needed and taking care of people and things and stuff loves every minute of it... and softball, i play in four leagues on four different teams... i pitch for all four and while the teams are kinda of sloppy not-serious softball players who largely have more fun drinking beer after the games than playing, it's still much fun... and then, there's still a few social happennings that fill in the few nights i am not playing softball or working late... and every now and then i sleep (haven't quite fallen apart yet, but there's always hope, aye, bright eyes?)... still dreaming of falling in love, naturally, and still quite unnaturally (if we call humans natural) not willing to settle or compromise on the sharing i can do... we could do, if you would too... and in fact, the truth is told, in spite of all the very true and valid and real loneliness and apparent inactivity from the world out there in my daily life and daily blog and other daily blog that is no longer daily and this babbling diary that seems to be hibernating deeply, there are people in this world who really do care about me... and that is a teary eyed smile :) so instead of heading to the gym i return to babble and instead of going to sleep i return to babble and instead of being satisfied (and full) with the soup i return to eggplant parm and the stuffed cabbage filling i made (not having cabbage in the house, it might have been odd to find myself making stuffed cabbage filling except i had no clue what i was making at the time i started cooking that night and the fact that it turned out to be stuffed cabbage filling surprised and delighted me cuz it was definitely delicious and still is, cold, even)... i'll nap now :)
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