I was driving home today and started thinking about lost desire... I mean the feeling of wanting someone or something so much that you spend hours and days and weeks and months devoted to the wanting, investing every bit of energy, conscious and unconscious, into seeking the object of that desire... this was the result, though it is incomplete because I fell asleep while writing it... so much for what happens to the energy, huh?...

walking into the place I was at once knocked in the sinuses by the stench... yes, stench, not smell, but stench... the place smells like dirty cat litter... this is very strange as Rasputin emptied the cat box and the garbage can full of daily loads (individual plastic bags full of daily cat box changes) just yesterday and I am pretty certain it was not stinking like this yesterday... it is as if they decided to pee somewhere other than the cat box... I have not pinpointed a specific area as the source of the stench, but it is stronger in the living room than it's ever been before... not a good welcome home from work as far as I'm concerned... and even Lil Bit's butt was filthy... Eddie usually has a dirty butt (cat litter stuck to the hair and a distinctive dirty cat odor about him), but Lil Bit at least appears to make an effort to clean herself... something seems strange about this stench today...

clarifying my sinuses and olfactory senses, it is worse than dirty cat box... there is a deeper mildewy stench that smells like damp dirty cat litter or something like a bedspread or clothes that cats have been using as a litter box in an outdoor shed for weeks... the only good news is that with my bedroom door shut it doesn't stink in there... something needs some profound cleaning, I am just not sure what...

anyway, I got home with the idea and the first few lines of the rhyme in my head and sat down at Sally's computer (cuz it's still the only one with DSL) and typed out what you see there and nodded off (in spite of the stench, further proof that I can sleep anywhere)... waking, the stench is no better (in other words, my nose did not acclimate to it, which makes it the worst stench yet)... I noticed one of the six boxes that have been stacked in the dining room area since Raspy moved in had been moved and it looks like the others were opened... maybe moving in and clearing the boxes out of the dining area is finally happening, but I sure hope the stench isn't coming from something like dirty clothes that have been mildewing in those boxes for two months... or something from those boxes that the cats decided to welcome with urine... anyway, you can see that I am distracted... time for scented candles and maybe renting some video about the joys of living with cats...

so what happened yesterday?... yes, time to leave behind the exciting world of foul odors for the mundane details of life... did I mention Steak & Shake?... well, once of the dietary splurges over this weekend (I seem to have settled into a weekday diet... just veggies and protein {tuna, fat free turkey} Monday through Friday and whatever on the weekends, though the whatever is smaller portions of whatever than I usually eat... in other words, no all-you-cat-eat buffets and when dining out, consideration for the salad choices on the menu and not just the pasta loaded with cheese or fatty meat fried in grease portions... what a novel idea, huh?)... so I munched on leftover wings Friday and we went to Longhorn's (because Sally is a meat and potatoes kinda guy) Saturday where I had a crab cake appetizer and a grilled chicken salad (go me) and then Sunday about 2AM we went to Steak & Shake where I had my first burger in maybe two years... I forgot how good Steak & Shake shakes were...

ok, so my splurge was over, right?...

getting to work last night I was reminded that I had forgotten to pick up the toppings for the ice cream party they had planned... yeah, that's right... an ice cream party and I had agreed to bring the toppings... so I ran out to the store real quick (thank goodness for 24 hour super Walmarts) and they appeared quite pleased with my knowledgeable assortment of ice cream toppings... Jasmine (formerly known as the the innocently seductive one... I figure it's time to start giving people I spent almost 40 hours a week working and playing cars with names... they deserve at least that much respect, if you consider being mentioned in my rambles some sort of respect, that is) baked a cake and part of my share was icing for it... since she loves dark chocolate and I love milk chocolate, we compromised on two cans of icing... we both put more than we could finish on our plates (which is astounding for me, especially considering the fact that I had not eaten in 24 hours)... maybe it was her ferocious assistance in maintaining my impromptu diet than influenced my sudden bloated feeling, but I put half the ice cream back into the freezer and left over icing and fudge (yes icing and fudge, do you hear?... icing!... fudge!.. leftover!)... needless to say I was at once pleased for my health and worried about my sanity...

meanwhile, during the day yesterday I finished copying the library CDs and therein started my collection of music again... I did not return the CDs (and pay the library fines) yet, but when I do I'll choose another 15 CDs from the library and copy those and this time hopefully return them before they expire and start costing me twenty cents a day, each... the new old computer CD burner worked fine, though slow as molasses... when I get a printer I can print the jewel case covers and CD labels... then I just need to buy jewel cases... all self-mockery aside, the bittersweet memories of living surrounded by my music and book collection gave the whole experience a sense of meloncholy and that's probably why I never did get back to that letter to Toronto that has been called not soup yet in past journals for many years (and maybe why the stomach got serious and closed up halfway through the cake and ice cream)... getting serious?... we shall see...

I did not spend much time checking fantasy sports this weekend... Sally caught up in the college pick em game, not sure about the pro leagues... and still have not processed any messages in the groups I moderate... we didn't use the new DVD player yet... I may have mentioned some of this over in the other daily life journal (what?... yet another journal being neglected?... how amazing)... I suppose it all comes down to this (drumroll?)... when there is no one sharing life on any seriously daily intimate basis, there's not much need for organizing it... so take it or leave it, snips and bits and chunks and slivers of what passes for this life I lead... I don't remember much else about yesterday... I hope I napped, because sleep is a good thing now and then, even for a sleep writer...

in closing, send fresh air...

oh yes, and while you're at it, send some bejeebers to this girl because she deserves it as much as anybody, more even, and tell her funda sent you... nite nite...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)