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2005-01-11 - 6:43 p.m. someday we'll get to the point thinking about the previous entry (which is actually two entries ago since this entry sat here waiting for something, like maybe something interesting, for a few days), I realize how much I enjoy the roller coaster that this life is for me... I find what many do not appear to understand is that I rejoice when I cry, I feel wonderful when I express anything (from the highest high to the lowest low, from the best feeling to the worst pain)... what I do not like is feeling nothing (which is too easy an escape and when I find myself making that choice I lose respect for myself because I know the foolish cop out it is)... I can easily point to a world of people out of touch with their feelings, living pretend emotional lives and apparently satisfied with superficial spectating, empty idols, and false faces... but that's their responsibility and I am mine... pointing elsewhere is as much of a cop out as feeling nothing... but who cares, right? back when this entry was originally written, I continued listening to Harry Chapin for a little while longer (the quiet of the living room lasted less than an hour as Precious came out of her room to sit on the couch on the phone and then cook tater tots for dinner and of course, turn on the TV... I've got to separate from them in order to focus on improving my own health-living habits)... laying around watching TV in a mess drinking Pepsi non-stop is not how I want to live... or die)... suddenly, I feel like Fat Elvis... or an extinct dinosaur... laughing as the ship goes down?... ah, listening to Dance Band on the Titanic provides me with a great example of how anything infused with creative energy and given a form (especially a song form) becomes inspiring, energizing, and enjoyable for me... maybe you just had to be there... what may or may not be obvious is that I've felt this out of place (semi-ancient or at the least very alien) since I took my first steps in this life (instincts have proven true for me in this life)... a lot of people might understand this from their individual perspectives, but rarely do any two get close enough to truly touch it, to get to the core of the person inside and know what it means (to be me, to be you)... and how alien are you really?... and how much do you conform?... words can not really answer those questions... what we want to be and what we are usually do not meet, but we rarely go there and mutually accept the illusion (or ignorance) that we do and it's ok... vaguarity is the ultimate escape... and suddenly (lots of suddenlies lately, huh?) I am watching 24... I am just an hour or so away from having to leave for work and still need to eat and dress and do the bathroom stuff, so I don't know if I'll get back mentioning the previous entry and how it was all a long introduction for the four links at the bottom of it or something like that and then finally get to the point that brought me to start this entry (and was once in another entry, but that was lost)... yes, there was a point... don't worry, be happy...
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