LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)

ONE. . . WHY
(find your social conscience)

Barbara Waters: so candoor, what all this fuss about blogmad?

Candoor: Blogmad? It's better than ever! Get more visitors (or find me in chat there). Register now and tell me for extra credits. VARB?


JOIN OR RE-REGISTER NOW

welcome blogmadians... and the rest of you, while still in beta, you can still join the latest greatest party on the web, blogmad!

SUPPORT BLOGMAD! BUY STUFF



o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

o O ( AND COMING SOON! ) O o

ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


blogadvance blogazoo
blogexplosion blogmad?
bloglines


o O ( SOCIAL CONCERNS ) O o

HELP THE RED CROSS
MESSAGES FROM MISSISSIPPI
BLOG FOR RELIEF
NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL

(MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL)
(INCLUDING LIVE CAM AND PHOTOS)

HELP AND BE HELPED
HURRICANE HOUSING
LINKS TO HELP
IMAGES FOR HISTORY
New Orleans News
Buloxi News
THE FAILURE


FREE SPEECH
(tell them what you think)

The White House
(202) 456-1111

Senate and Congress
(202) 224-3121

YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHTS
USE THEM





FAT MAN WALKING
BLOGATHON!
INDEX BEGIN
FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2007-01-29 - 4:52 a.m.

dontcha just love the roller coaster


well, if you don't then you take everything way too seriously and probably don't like it here much, but then, that is just my opinion based on my perspective and I may be completely wrong so enjoy yourself and focus on the positive, right?... the segue from one to another to another to another leads us to yet another and that other is none other than the euphemistic z0tl... yes, we come to another series of entries inspired by (and in large part written by) the increasingly evanescent z0tl... z0tl wrote:


ephemeral ball of doubt

now i see it, now i don't, but whenever i see it, it's at least double in size compared to last time.

attrocious brain:z!
i need a year off and learn to break any and all attachments from having a long hot shower every day to nice weather around the year to never have starved in my life to never actually freeze for any extended period of time!

i need to empty my fridge and go in for the long term.

it is friday and it feels like black monday must have felt for the stock market. i want to know i could have lived through 1929 AND the black plague days.

i want to walk barefooted through the serengeti and be eaten by a hippo, have my throat slashed on al jazeera TV and not beg for mercy, i wanna know i can self-immolate whenever i feel like i don't want to deal with a toothache.

!!!! I WANT TO BE FREE TO COME AND GO !!!! AS I PLEASE !!!! BUT MOSTLY GO !!!!

instead i keep pointing to all the ball:z and chain:z and make excuses that being weak and feeble minded is okay too. someone's gotta do it, why not me?



and I responded:

I so clearly hear the first paragraph, I thought I wrote it... but then, I've been through all four of those phases... simultaneously, even...

measuring my 'work life'... if we can agree that an adult lifetime starts at 18y/o, then I have "taken off" 37.9% of the working years of this adult life... another 12.8% of the years, I worked a job with rather flexible hours... and for about another 48% of the rest of the working years, I worked evening or night shift...

I like my autonomy...

the drat-of-it-all at the moment is I am really enjoying my new job, which is less than ten minutes from my bed, and would not want to move into another job I do not enjoy as much that requires more travel time...

changing tasks and lifestyles every few years and taking a couple of extended early retirements has kept me from hating the work routine...

the sacrifice is that I am poorer with each passing year and retiring "for good" might require a miracle of sorts... but I am open to miracles, so there's always hope :)

Jackson Browne should be in the headphones about now (ah, The Late Show, perhaps... and the rest of late For The Sky... but first, a comment inspired by z0tl and some other thoughts about current experience in this body, after references listed for further exploration as time permits... please let me know what you think if and when you find time)...

Richard Bach: Illusions

and yes, the books [of Bach] can easily be interpreted about life and death and the choices we make... and the search for meaning and perhaps even the realization that everything is illusion, meaningless unless we give it meaning in our heads...

that is ultimate freedom - and to bring it into consciousness is the story behind another book:

James Redfield: The Celestine Prophesy

the latter missive slightly tainted for me as I read it in the mid-nineties and obviously fooled myself into believing I was on a higher level of consciousness than I actually was in practice in life - but that is the irony and duality of this physical world, no matter how well we understand and believe in anything, we can often act as though we know nothing when a primal desire becomes more important than our own conscious reasoning...

SEE: The Eagles: Wasted Time
re: if I could only stop my mind...

meanwhile, back in the real world, I woke up and rolled over and attempted a few push-ups this morning and am appalled at the deterioration of my upper body muscles and their inability to repeatedly lift the bulk of the extra 40-odd pounds piled on to my upper body off the ground... my mind remembers, as if it were only yesterday, when I used to roll out of bed, do fifty push ups, a hundred sit-ups, a few other body manipulations against gravity, head out for a ten mile run, shower, and start the day... the has become pure illusion in my mind, yet I ignore that fact in practical reality every time I tell myself "I'm hungry" and proceed to consciously forget that six ounces or even eight ounces of food is more than enough for the body at one sitting while I proceed to consume a pound of spaghetti and a half pound of meatballs... the sensory apparatus shuts down in the every expanding stomach until the next morning when I wake expecting the memory of being in shape to be real and I discovery the extra forty pounds are very much in my way...

bipolar illusions slipped into the 24 hour circadian rhythm, the process of denial of the daily routine and how it effects the body thanks to the convenient shut down of the mind that allows primal desires for oral gratification and gastro-intestinal satiation to override the desire to feel optimal in this physical shell and therein feel comfortable sharing the body... result: bloat, loneliness, denial, self-pity, more comfort food...

knowing all this does not stop the process...

same for the Seagull... knowing does not change the behavior unless the conscious mind decides to pick one desire and follow through on it over the other incompatible desires...

life, death, two relatively opposing choices... we choose to remain alive by breathing and not doing something that stops our breathing, yet many also choose, every day, to eat (me, for instance) and drink and consume products and support industries and wars that are suicidal and we ignore this, therein ignoring how we undermine living and disregard our knowledge and turn away from the enlightenment that is on the tip of our tongues in our minds...

meanwhile, I was thinking of cutting my hair today... then I remembered how much I enjoy change... but I enjoy sharing change even much more and have been putting off cutting my hair until I found a friend who wanted to share the experience... intimately, even... maybe I'll just change the color first... but then, I'd like to share that too... alas, so much time putting off things - waiting for someone to share them with... just like waking up and setting my daily eating/exercise habit priorities straight... and you think you've been a fool for love?...

optimism, loving self, letting go of pain, healing, feeling good - is a choice too... but knowing that in the mind and doing it in every day actions, well, that's the difference between flying into the sky or flying into the ground... or a mountain of memories, for that matter...

may we find our illusion becomes consistently focused on our highest priority and therein stop giving into the secondary desires so repeatedly that they get in the way of actualizing our most wanted illusion...



and so another journey with z0tl begins... in the next entry, we continue, in random progression, to bring the momentary threads throughout all of these catch up entries (oh, I know, so deep are they woven that few can follow and so I seldom mention so as not to defy the illusion they may be to the few who may sense their presence)... may you enjoy your journey...






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




.

.

.

.

.

the moment

we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...

you know that box to the right on the dland entry page called recent public entries?... what do the asterisks mean?... and the bold?...

. . .

connections

.

.

.

.

AND WHATDYA MISS?
Laughing Lament
stranger brews
once upon a diaryland
babbling through computer concerns
stunningly missing
older still


random chance

who me?

leave a note?
(read archived notes)

send me mail?

you want to know me?
soundtrack
101 Things
The Sequel
The Trilogy
202 Things
200 Things
202 More Things
202 Things Again
testing123
have time, love words?
sleepwriting
(where the heart dreams)

and now, in RealTime�

DO ME!
(Johari Style)


DO ME WRONG!
(but do me right)


SOAP!

(EPISODE ONE)
(the dark side of candoor)


loving linkers
other loves

A Diaryland Survey
other surveys
small world
your profile matters
(search for you & find me)


tell others
read others
applause?
favor?
gift?

get your own!

saturn rings and other places
googlisms
browsing
where've ya been?
the searchers

favorites

911
HEY AMERICA!
LOOK AT YOUR CHILD
STOP THE ABUSE

(GET THE CODE)

THOUGHTS ON GOD

( temporary attractions )


BACK TO #1 @ GOOGLE!

WAS #1 @ MSN!
(for a while, now on page 3 5)




(EXPERIMENTAL PLAYTHINGS)
RSS?



who links here
blogwise
Blogarama
Globe of Blogs
blogthings

~ BLOGLINKERS ~




~ BLOGROLLING ~
(Blogroll RSS)


Blogroll Me!

published
blogadvance
blogazoo
blogexplosion
blogmad?
bloglines



(PREVIOUS TEMPORARY ATTRACTIONS)
TSUNAMI INFO
fantasy sports?
BLOGGIES?
sorry everybody
Orange Blossom Music Festival

Deland Music Festival
MIT Survey

brilliant idea
Celebrate Birthdays
FOR FREEDOM



CONTINUE...
talking dog






SAY HELLO
407-325-1482





and if you want to leave
take good care
hope you make a lot
of true friends out there