LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)

ONE. . . WHY
(find your social conscience)

Barbara Waters: so candoor, what all this fuss about blogmad?

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o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

o O ( AND COMING SOON! ) O o

ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


blogadvance blogazoo
blogexplosion blogmad?
bloglines


o O ( SOCIAL CONCERNS ) O o

HELP THE RED CROSS
MESSAGES FROM MISSISSIPPI
BLOG FOR RELIEF
NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL

(MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL)
(INCLUDING LIVE CAM AND PHOTOS)

HELP AND BE HELPED
HURRICANE HOUSING
LINKS TO HELP
IMAGES FOR HISTORY
New Orleans News
Buloxi News
THE FAILURE


FREE SPEECH
(tell them what you think)

The White House
(202) 456-1111

Senate and Congress
(202) 224-3121

YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHTS
USE THEM





FAT MAN WALKING
BLOGATHON!
INDEX BEGIN
FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2005-01-03 - 4:08 p.m.

remembering...


oh, how I used to write... loud and long and clear... how I used to write letters... letters full of laughter and tears, rhymes and reasons, poems prayers and promises... it was magic...

and I am remembering (from a distance)...

though the words are simple and few...

listen...

listen...

she's calling to you...

...

and I would begin to feel
that the magic was real
and the words would flow into rhyme

and then I'd understand
the power in two hands
oh if I only had the time

there was a time when I did not have to work and I could sit and write whenever I felt like it and the writing I did most was correspondence... it was a time I wrote to people one by one believing the person I was writing to truly cared about me, cared to know me, and dared to love me... and they took the time to know me and they showed me by knowing just what to say or do, just what gift would be perfect to give... and I wrote without inhibition, with the freedom of expression borne of unconditional trust in our ability to communicate and above all else, trust we meant no harm so we could always give the benefit of doubt... that way we'd never find fault or offense and feel secure that there'd never be any reason to close the door or leave the other behind, at least not in our hearts...

and the words of the heart always rhyme
even pain or despair
the heart sings all the time

it's the key to the soul that you find
when you overcome fear
to open and free your mind

and every one of those people I wrote to in those days still lives deep in my heart in spite of the depths of sleep and dreams, so many broken dreams, so many broken promises, so many broken hearts... oh all the lost souls wandering in seemingly aimless circles, wayward whists of wind wearily spiraling away from the center, the certainty, the security, and entering that conceptual nothingness known as oblivion...

and memories can be cruel or kind
and never forgotten
you can't leave yourself behind

you can close your eyes and pretend to be blind
even fool yourself
but everything remains in your mind

and somewhere along the way I forgot, or lost the will to believe that people actually can care about each other... I want to, deep down, believe strangers can care, even from far away, even when, for all practical purposes, they are too far away to have any real knowledge of the life I live or the person I am... can we love that which we do not know, really?...

how foolish the choice to pretend to forget
to turn off the mind and dive into regret
to turn off the heart and put on a pout
what madness is this, that is built on doubt
a trap in a daze as you become a maze
that believes
there is no way out

good intentions are good... there are no perfect people, only perfect intentions... but what good is desire when it is sitting on a shelf, when it is poured into words, when it is not actualized in the physical reality... wishful thinking, fantasy, wanting something so much it becomes real belief (but real enough to touch?... to hold?... to take your hand and pull you closer?... to kiss with innocence or affection or passion?... all in your mind)...

it may be that there is nothing wrong at all with this way, with accepting the illusion of desire as visceral satisfaction, as allowing the belief to become more real than the daily life, the physical touches... it may be the best way for humanity to go, to choose the spiritual over the physical...

the world of words depends on belief
we are as real as we want to be
and when we dare to feel it's excited relief
beyond fear and doubt the heart is set free

what we do with our hands
makes anything real
and the mind understands
what we touch and feel

what we do with our hearts
desire or lust
it all ends or it starts
with your trust

and here online, it may seem easy to let the words take the place of the body, to accept the safety that comes without the scrutiny of eye contact and body language and having to physically do (live up to) the words in every day life, moment to moment...

beautiful words written in a half hour or an hour, dressed up in graphic design (eye candy) and edited for clarity can so easily become more powerful than the drone of the television or empty whining of the other twenty three plus hours of each day...

and maybe that is best for humanity...

I'm not so sure about me...

. . . . .

coming home, alone...

most days I find the same scene, the mess, the clutter, the slovenly lifestyle without creativity or energy or life beyond the television and computer... and I squeeze some music in when I force myself out of the hole in which I've buried myself... and I remember something about how it feels to be loved truly in physical spaces, to share daily life with a soulmate... a smile embraces a lonely tear as I read Kary Mullins dedication in Dancing Naked Through the Mind Field... and I remember what true love feels like, for I have actualized it in physical space sharing... I have given, I have received, and while it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all (for how else to truly know the potential of life), the time passing after the loss, the time with shared love in the physical spaces in the daily life stretches infinitely as each moment feels like an eternity...

and emerging from fantasy...

. . . o O ( but there is caring ) O o . . .

to truth in mind bubbles

(telling?)... suddenly yes, the affirmative, the eyes open...

leaping into the daily life in black and white the inspired mind does not need to create a fantasy or illusion, does not need to believe in the possibilities of what might be, but only to accept the visceral experience that the five senses provide right now...

I get home from work today and find Precious is home from her vacation up north... she runs out of the bedroom with a big hug and holds out a bag... presents... dang if she didn't get me chocolates... lots of chocolates... but that's just the wrappings... the gift, when I look into the bag, is the 40th anniversary two DVD set of Mary Poppins...

. . . o O ( and glee pours from my every pour ) O o . . .

and all the minor frustrations of life and memory dissolve into moments of sincere caring demonstrated through actions that prove someone listens and hears and cares to know...

and so though the body (and mind) cries out for sleep (and other forms and levels of love and sharing), we put the disks in the player and after exploring the disks for a few minutes, press play and lay back to watch and laugh and sing and giggle and share the magic of the story and songs and, for me, memories... oh precious memories... and I close my eyes and sing...

and then I sleep...

and dream...






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




.

.

.

.

.

the moment

we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...

you know that box to the right on the dland entry page called recent public entries?... what do the asterisks mean?... and the bold?...

. . .

connections

.

.

.

.

AND WHATDYA MISS?
Laughing Lament
stranger brews
once upon a diaryland
babbling through computer concerns
stunningly missing
older still


random chance

who me?

leave a note?
(read archived notes)

send me mail?

you want to know me?
soundtrack
101 Things
The Sequel
The Trilogy
202 Things
200 Things
202 More Things
202 Things Again
testing123
have time, love words?
sleepwriting
(where the heart dreams)

and now, in RealTime�

DO ME!
(Johari Style)


DO ME WRONG!
(but do me right)


SOAP!

(EPISODE ONE)
(the dark side of candoor)


loving linkers
other loves

A Diaryland Survey
other surveys
small world
your profile matters
(search for you & find me)


tell others
read others
applause?
favor?
gift?

get your own!

saturn rings and other places
googlisms
browsing
where've ya been?
the searchers

favorites

911
HEY AMERICA!
LOOK AT YOUR CHILD
STOP THE ABUSE

(GET THE CODE)

THOUGHTS ON GOD

( temporary attractions )


BACK TO #1 @ GOOGLE!

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(PREVIOUS TEMPORARY ATTRACTIONS)
TSUNAMI INFO
fantasy sports?
BLOGGIES?
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Deland Music Festival
MIT Survey

brilliant idea
Celebrate Birthdays
FOR FREEDOM



CONTINUE...
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