this would have been what you read back in early November (the time, not the band, though the band is cool) if you were following me around to wherever I was writing on a daily basis back in early November... I include it here with a bit of relish (or do I mean embellish) not merely to fill in the missing entries, but to encourage the insatiable among you to relate to my insatiability more and perhaps give up your current lifestyle and convince me to give up mine and merge our sudden absence of lifestyle into a new shared lifestyle that we create moment by moment together (how's that for a proposal?... shhhh, we don't have to get realistic until we get hungry)...

it's a strange life, being me amongst all of you... I take it one day at a time, because even after all these years (I've been alive forever and wrote the very first song, ya know?), I still find myself pausing at the things I see around me... have you heard of Restless Leg Syndrome?... it keeps people awake and gives them a reason to take another pill and of course, the pharmaceutical companies make more money... RLS, too much energy so you can't sleep... let's not consider exercising to burn off some excess energy... let's take a pill...

we see the clock strike a certain hour, we eat... are we hungry?... who knows, we've lost any real contact with our own bodies long ago.. it's a cultural thing... sensitivity and sensuality (physical sensitivity) are sins, or at least politically incorrect, remember?... don't let the children develop their senses or they might see the nearly dead fools we've become... the clock strikes late evening and it's time to sleep... don't forget the sitting around before then so we're too restless to sleep...

this is why I don't fit in... I'm tired, I sleep... I'm hungry, I eat... unfortunately, I have, in recent years, learned to fit into a common work schedule, but I did not turn off my senses to do it... and take it to the limits (one more time... then another time... and another... and another... and that's what's it's all about... yeah, the hokey pokey too, but also the limits... unless you're afraid of life, that is)... I don't find many people who understand me or who agree with me and I've met no one who actually actualizes as I do, but I keep hoping...

I just take it one day, one moment at a time...

and that's how to live life (and this is where the other entry I mentioned above starts), especially when living on the edge (and though I do take a break from this edge life, I must venture out on to the cliffs now and then to remember what the view looks like and what it feels like to fall, or at least, to let go)... so far I've survived these journeys (and as Aerosmith opens the concert in my mind and days later the music begins to wind down with bands taking turns playing encores and the Eagles step out from backstage to kick into a fifty third encore and we all sway to take it to the limit one more time... yeah, weeeeeoooo)...

first, a message to locals in Orlando Florida (for early November, remember?... too bad you weren't around then, but maybe next time?)... there are two extra tickets to the HelloGoodbye concert at the House of Blues in my pocket for the picking... the concert is tomorrow (Friday) and starts about 7pm... I'll have my phone on vibrate after about 6:30pm, so try to call earlier and text if you can... check out the blog for more details and more upcoming opportunities for fun (and an ongoing social calendar)...

tonight was relaxing, a show at Precious's school... great kids having fun and her two boys, as she calls them (the best friends have become four now, Precious, Dreamer, Truman, and Sticks), stealing the show... Truman and Sticks played the manic detective and the gay composer in the show, in case you've see The Musical Comedy Murders of 1940 before), while Dreamer handled the light board like the pro she is and Precious made the magical secret doors open on cue... even Rasputin got in on the production as he brought dry ice for the smokey dream-like scenes (working in the wholesale fish business was just what the director ordered)... I provided the applause and hugs, which are of course, essential ingredients to a successful production...

reminds me of my high school years, though we were a group of seven (sometimes a few more) and mostly girls as they were a group of best friends and I went out with one of them... well, a few of them, actually... it was complicated... I learned lessons... I still love them too... would love to know how they are these days... hope they're happy... I think of them every year around this time of year because their birthdays come around... you might notice some nostalgia and birthday rhymes popping out... but that's another time... so many songs ago... but we were inseparable just like Precious and her best friends... at least until high school ended and we went on to different after high school lives in different places...

anyway, back to now (or early November, actually), then, instead of heading home and going to sleep, I let Precious and Rasputin slip into my subconscious and went to pick up food, subs (or heroes, for some of you) and Jeremiah's (ice cream and frozen ices)... it was all Rasputin's fault, you see, because he needed money to send to his sister so we went to the bank (cuz I was loaning the money) and since I was taking a hunk a hunk a burning cash out of the bank and nobody had dinner, my good sense went out the window and I filled my belly just before bed again...

and, of course, I'll put off fixing the air conditioner in the car (hey. winter is coming... it'll get down under seventy degrees for a little while) and getting a computer a while longer (sometimes I think about what it would be like to win the lottery and sometimes I think about what it would be like if everybody I loaned money to over the years actually paid me back and it would be about the same, except the second feeling would feel a whole lot better cuz it would mean people really do care and also that they somehow got rich, but then I realize the feeling of giving far outweighs the feeling of being taken advantage of cuz the latter is a fleeting blow and the former lasts forever cuz it's mine cuz I made it and I wouldn't have done anything differently and if you know what I mean then YAY you)...

after all, there are concerts and shows to experience...

and here we are again, kinda caught between babbling and catching up on real life in black and white behind the candoor... I stayed late at work so I might leave a bit early tomorrow and then I went straight to Precious's school and cheered the show and then food and then the end of the Rutgers-Louisville game and go New Jersey and now here (and now you know what day this actually was, once upon a time), catching up with you, and ready to fall over (though I might, like last night, roam around a bit to my other writing haunts and leave a few random words here and there as my head slowly sets in the east (hey, I'm facing west as I write this, ok?)...

remember in Red Dragon when Hannible points out the FBI guy (Ed Norton in the film) has a certain sensitivity that is rare and very challenging to experience and deal with?... the ability to put yourself into someone else's perspective and feel things from there even when you don't agree with them, even when they might upset or anger or even disgust you... yeah, well... welcome to my world...

it helps in the work I do, a lot... and it hampers my personal life, a lot... and if you understand, then maybe you understand and oh well, you're there and I'm here and the road and roller coaster goes on forever with or without us... and while I love the ride, I'd love to share it even more, sometimes...

so there are three more days ahead after this moment and I am loving this moment, exploding into this moment, if you can perceive where I am and what I am experiencing... looking ahead, there's one day of work, two more concerts and a show, and then, another work week begins again (rest?... what's that?... we don't need no stinkin rest when we're living on the edge... we do need a better fake Mexican accent though... come on, old movie buffs, what's the reference there?)... it would be ideal if someone was sharing this crazed pace and all the fun and excitement and bouncing I am squeezing into this week long rave, but if it's not ideal, it's hasbro, or even mattel, and they make great toys and games too (nyuk, nyuk... reference buffs... awwww, don't go getting all fisher-price on me now)...

and I closed this window to get to a Word file on my desk cuz I don�t want the browser to eat the words and once again I am stunned by the photo on my desktop (hey, I forgot all about putting this space for photos out there... I've got to get some of my other favorite photos and past desktops up there so you can roam through the archives... one of these days)... what strikes me most (about the photo of Dia) is that it�s not any sort of libido turn on picture (not that she couldn't if she wanted to), but rather, it's so inspiring to see someone so devoted to music and into her song and the dark shot on the black desktop just gives me the late night in love with music and life and winding down after-show feeling when everybody is wasted from the excitement and only the trooper, the singer, keeps the party alive...

it�s that will no one stay awake with me feeling, but so much sweeter than the bitters it can be... maybe you have to be there, but if so, I hope you get there and keep it with you... knowing you�ve done your best to go for your dream and live your life to it�s maximum energy level for even a moment is magic and better still is sustaining it, living on the edge and pushing past your limits one more time, that is the bomb, the kill, the fire, the ice, the whisper on the wind that you�ve done right by your life, the big bang, the sweet peace of pure release, the nirvana, the val halla, the ka...

may you live it your way and live it well...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)