yes, one might say that part three of this borrowing and expanding and so on series of entries got a little carried away, especially after all that breathing started, but I have not completely lost my head... this is part four, the rtms sessions, special edition and all... I remember... I was leading up to inserting a comment inspired by yet another new Amy who wrote about physical appearances and you know, if you've read around, that I've got quite the bipolar perspective on the subject (so therefore can be quite confused humorous... so it probably doesn't surprise you that I wrote the following comment to the post (what a way to introduce myself, aye?)... and away we go:

I've had a love-hate relationship with physical appearances ever since I can remember (maybe it was being told how gorgeous I was by my very biased family from before I even knew the meaning of the word until well past puberty... part of me never believed them, but ego lapped it up like a drunk in a vat of wine, and somewhere in my head I both resented ego for enjoying it so much and laughing at ego for the same reason... hmmm, is there a clinical label for someone who relates to his ego in the third person?)...

I am serious most of the time, even when I am mocking myself and all the world (I just enjoy the seriousness more when it's woven into an irreverent tapestry of carefree tangents... or maybe I enjoy watching others try to figure out where and when I might be serious as I distract myself and most everyone else by wandering off on circular paths of introspection and self-analysis under the guise of introducing myself)...

I think humor, humility, honesty, and a healthy perspective and lifestyle are beautiful... I also think sex is beautiful, but since it didn't start with an h so I mention it separately... looking for a reason for this could lead far from the point...

but back a bit closer to the subject of your post (cuz that is why I stopped by), throughout this life I have generally made little effort at what, in our culture, is commonly considered prettying myself up... it's not an anti-western culture thing, I wouldn't wear plates in my lips if I was Ubangi either... I simply mock the whole superficiality by generally looking like the anti-christ or the common bum (of course I might just be intellectualizing sheer laziness and an immature attitude about soap and water... wait, I actually love to shower and feel all squeaky clean, so to be more accurate, I prefer to be naked)...

and yet will admit my hypocritical libido leads me to feel much more sexually stimulated by a body that is athletic and much sexually turned off by a body that is apathetic about itself, bloated, lazy, and lethargic (redundant as that may seem)... rationally I justify libido by proposing that Darwin was right on this point, at least, and instinctively I am more interested in producing an offspring with someone who appreciates and cares for their body as well as humanly possible, but even that may be commercial programming in the end...

have I drifted from the point too much yet?...

as you see, I tend to babble, even when presenting myself for first impression... I figure if I must put a muzzle on (or dress up my thoughts), I'm not saying hello comfortably and may be giving a false impression... lying, even... I prefer not to do that...

so in conclusion, if there is diamond of sorts in this rough babbling fool, anyone is welcome to dig around for it... and if it's all just a pile of coal, well, kids like me enjoy playing in it (and therein I find my friends :)

this was a response to your blog (in case you weren't sure :)

hope you are smiling, even if you are scratching your head... and if the new picture is you (and not just a tribute to the curves of life), then I hope the baby is beautiful in your eyes, no matter what it looks like :)

yes, well, with a myspace handle like truthchangesyou, how could I resist?... a bit of exploration suggested that there is indeed a baby due in July (everybody YAY!) and that's not all, her profile thoroughly seduced me so I went and turned on my charm in a comment (yes, she wrote words to fall in love with, easily, but even more, that little one in her belly {ok, uterus, but belly is more romantic, ya know?} is so very lucky... not just cuz mom has a wonderfully optimistic personality, but I would love to be read stories by her voice (just go listen... maybe you will hear what I hear)... so how could I resist but leave this comment:

luckily (depending on your perspective), an extra two days off this week gives me more web wandering and commenting time (yes, you already noticed, thanks :)

I noticed, as I read your profile, that you are in love... yay for love... not being one to intrude, I will simply fall in love with your wonderfully positive attitude, diverse talents, interesting perspectives, and, at least to my ears, delightfully wonder-filled honesty and playful sensitivity in your voice...

read into my history and your name probably helps, but by any name you are a big smile in my eyes (arentcha glad I didn't stoop to the rose metaphor? :)

hope life is (and you are) smiling tonight and may tomorrow be even better :)

and in closing this particular entry, I give you the world famous (or infamous, in certain circles), Acharyas of truth be known fame... I wonder if she knew what she was getting herself into when she sent me an add request (shhh, giggling is not polite until we�re sure the giggles are shared)... if only I'd let her healthy attitude influence me (wait, there's another or few in recent days who scratched below the surface of my complacent sedentary malaise, but that'll be another entry, perhaps, if I let myself get back to the gym and remember where the inspirations came from)... I should not tease Serenity by pointing her to a potentially kindred spirit as close as blogspot, so I won't (cuz I do enough in her comments, which will come 'round in another entry, for sure)...

I did not cut and paste the comments I left for Acharya S. which may be my way of nudging you to click (what, me proselytize?... oh if you could only hear the laughter in the peanut gallery {joined by Precious and Dreamer, who'd likely love the dear Acharya if they took the time to stumble cross her} and maybe you have to be in my head or close to me to understand)... the comfortably happy agnostic finds amusement in spending more than a phew moments (no typo, layered meaning) pondering or fretting over that which is beyond the life we can share for I am secure in what I accept on faith and rather focus my time and energy on the life we can share as long as we are here...

and in conclusion, abruptly and seemingly from out of nowhere but as meaningful as my previous fantasies about Anna Paquin, no less, I want to hear her sing...

breath now :)

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)