and subliminal fantasies of innocently kissing and touching Anna Paquin all over her � but first, it is time for another entry of comments and words I wrote elsewhere� yes, our anti-hero, who somehow believes that by waiting until a fantasy actress is eighteen before exposing the graphic nature of said fantasies (and solemnly swearing they did not begin until the fantasy person in question was of legal age in the state wherein she and he currently reside and are present in which there are bodies in motion containing their everlasting souls) will somehow prove he is not the sexual deviant we all know him to be, is subdued and his XXX rated blog is postponed for renovation to the roof where the rain is getting in and stopping his mind from wandering where it will go� so while they are fixing the hole, we bring you some comments left in RealTime� and myspace just like the title says�

so z0tl, who would so love to be as much as fantasy as Anna Paquin or others, left a comment for me in RealTime� about stopping thoughts and the melancholy result of one of the tests on the precedingh entry pages here behind the candoor, among other things, and I got to thinking (with a touch of embellishment to give you dear readers here behind the candoor a bit of fresh meat in spite of this being a mostly recycled entry)�

and now, without further ado (or fantasy), the comments:

thoughts don't stop... they just channel into building the next better version of the endless database and helping other people... at work, they think I can do anything with a computer or electronic gadgets... today I was asked how to use an iPOD... heck if I know, but I figured it out...

I like my thoughts most of the time...

every day I explore the web a bit more I realize how carfeul I am about living on the edge of ancient technology... scraping at the walls of the XP - activeX 10 - 3D graphics world, but usually not getting past the 2D image before locking up or crashing... and me loving music so much... but I could so become drastically more addicted to the music and video and fun on the net and then I might stop hoping for finding true love and settle down with the fantasy romances I find... no, no, I want to hang on to hope so I keep my techno-power wea... see, I'm saving all my pennies for the romantic dream, remember?... I find her and send her a plane ticket (or vice versa) and we live happily ever after...

and I've really got to figure out how to start saving again cuz I'd like to be able to see some sort of retirement again sometime before I die... freedom like that would be nice...

now I'm all melocholy... or melancholy... see?... and when I get like this I munch a bunch of whatever tastes good (I am so dang orally fixated)� so it's a can of Progresso Veggie Soup and a can of mini-ravioli and two veggie patties boiled up in the microwave and then sprinkled with some ritz crackers all mushed up in a bowl...

yum :)

no more melancholy (I am really way too easy, which is why I can get as complacent as I am these days)...

this weekend is the Disney marathon... I think I paid $100 to sign up, but then when Bert and Berry moved to the great northwest, I stopped getting out to the trail and pretended I forgot about it... I'm so good at pretending anyone might think I'd actually forgotten...

such a waste of a body this year... a vegetable eating vegetables, and the occasional processed farm animal...

taking care of others costs a lot in many ways, much more than the money for the freedom of retirement, it costs the lifestyle that would return me to a more comfortable body and energy level and give me a much better chance of finding what I hope to find before the end of days (at least the end of mine)...

I think I'll have another ritz...

are the original Star Trek crew filming a new movie?... they are doing commercials around here using the bridge of the Enterprise and I didn't think they'd get together just for a commercial...

a post-apocalyptic show is on Sci-Fi tonight... a comet hits the planet and most of the world is dead and anarchy reigns... part of me would like that sort of back to basics world, but then, being a pacifist and not a fan of macho, I'd probably be alone in that world too... I'd have to get even luckier than I need to get in this world to find someone like me in that world...

sheesh, all this and no chocolate in the house... I think I should go into the chocolate and ice cream and candy delivery business... I mean, imagine the profit potential... I can't imagine why pizza places and other places don't offer to deliver candy and snacks... ice cream would take a cooler and ice or a fridge in a car/truck, but people would buy...

imagine the ice cream and fudge delivery service... franchised...

I'm happy again :)

you may be fooled into thinking that was a superficial ride on an irreverent roller coaster through relatively benign and trivial distractions, but you'd be fooled if you thought that (oo)� ever notice those doe eyes are between f and l in the word fool?� we could say that it's the feeling directly between fucked and loved that leaves one wondering that is represented by (oo)� like when the statement is so obvious, innocuous, or (oo) that all one can do is (oo)�

it was sometime during the same week that magic flute wrote this great entry (that you really ought to read) and I was inspired to ponder the state and potential fate of humanity:

brilliant...

I'd say brilliant as usual, but that's so cliche and maybe this is more brilliant than usual... if only enough of us humans would make the connection...

we are an amazing species... we've found ways to kill off plague after plague and in all likelihood, in spite of the lackadaisic attitude in corporate places, our species will virtually kill off AIDS just as it has Polio, Smallpox, Black Plague and others... we recognize the things we can not see, the mocroscopic organisms that are killing us, and we gatther our forces and focus our energies on eradicating the little bugs who, individually, as so insignificant that we don't notice them but when they swarm and become too many and start killing us too much, we do something about it...

kind of like the Earth will do to us if we don't stop acting like a cancer and start evolving into an organism that actualizes symbiosis (and doesn't just talk about it� the planet doesn't care if we understand, it only reacts to what we do, just like we react to the bacteria and virus that threatens our species)�

and maybe it's not the time of year to be getting so hard core with the truth, but then, there's always a great reason (excuse) to pretend we are a stupid species and continue acting like a cancer to the planet� maybe the AIDS virus does the same thing, if it has any sort of consciousness� or any cancer� maybe it's so busy gorging itself on our flesh that it doesn't think about it's own mortality and how the flesh it's eating might just find a way to kill it in order to save the flesh itself�

like a living breathing ecosystem might find a way to kill any species that threatens it's continued living and breathing�

I'm getting circular now, it's late� and it's a New Year� and let's hope it's a good one, without any fear� even more, let's hope enough people wake up and smell the stench of our own garbage and the sores we've opened up in the Earth� let's hope this year one more, a dozen more, a thousand more people wake up and slow the bleeding and maybe start a little healing� let's hope enough people wake up to turn the species suicide around and start us heading back in the direction of life�

there's my New Years hope for everyone�

thank you for inspiring it.

circular, spiraling round and round in a repetitive (and redundant) cycle of regirgitation and rumination� but for everyone who gets caught up in the dark side, for everyone who feels the cynicism and hurt and doubt more than the optimism and hope, then once again you've been fooled�

so stop fooling yourself, will ya? J

most seriously, I always find my way back to a beautiful peace and hope and joy because I believe in myself and know I am one and choose (because it feels better than any other way) to believe I am not the only one and until I am proven wrong by the end of humanity, I will continue to return to the comfort of faith in belief that we shall overcome and survive our own faults�

ok, so I lied, there is further fantasy (oo)

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)